Wednesday, December 1, 2010

NO DIRECTION HOME

I feel compelled to keep RWB's comments in the blog because I think about what he has to say. Here are his comments on yesterday's post:

Hmmmm, interesting. No where did I say those things were "problems." 

I know what you are saying about thinking about one's goals/intent in doing something while in the activity can be a distraction even to the point of overwhelming and undoing the act. But how does one progress without a goal? The intent has to be carried without it being the focus of the mind. The intent is part of the whole picture.

Take the activity of walking somewhere. Without the big thing of having a destination there is only wandering*. Without the small thing of placing the next step there is no movement. Yet it is possible to walk and be totally in the here and now of it, enjoy the movement through the world in a unconditional way, and still get to where one wanted to go when setting out.

*I have nothing against wandering, love to do it myself...


 For most of my life I would say I have been vague about goals. Just to get through life, and sometimes I have been eager for it to be over. There have been things I wanted to experience here and there, but maybe I was more "directionless" than most people. That would account for a lot of my current situation.


But I have also not been good at The Practice. The Discipline. And that's the goal here. Ass in chair. Fingers on keyboard. Focus on writing. Press post. 


Many times, even when wandering, there are preconceived notions about what that experience will be. "I will huff and puff a little on 9th Street because it is uphill." "I will dodge humans on 7th Avenue because it is crowded." Et cetera. For me, it is rare to even meander without expectation. Being in "the now" in that situation is still another practice for me. 


On the other hand, while underemployed I do wake up without much expectation. On the days when I have tasks to accomplish but no timetable, I do kind of groove from moment to moment. And I feel blessed to have this time. It is not without challenges and stresses, but the benefits are pretty fine too.



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