Wednesday, July 30, 2014


No wifi at home today, so I am here at a Starbucks … crossed county lines to get here … Why did no one tell me that Starbucks coffee is pretty awful now. I could have saved myself $3 and just gritted my teeth through some black coffee instead. This is really terrible.

Oh well.

It is a day of pestilence I guess. My MacBook Air was reticent to start and I was all set to head to the genius bar to spend all the money I make in a month getting it looked at. My it decided to stop messing with me and here I am.

On the plus side, there is a garden outside my window here and I had the pleasure of watching a hummingbird feed. Also, I after l'eau de miel chaud, I went back upstairs to administer Greenies. Cooder indicated that she would entertain some petting, so I got back into bed and she settled on my chest to take a nap, heart to heart. That's a special thing. She is settling into Brewster again and I saw her downstairs this morning, likely in search of a sunspot.

As I pointed out on FB yesterday, Emmylou would like a gig as an office dog, as she generally settles near me while I work. 

Very noisy plus bad music, well not terrible really, The Travelling Wilburys, but all in all, not pleasant. I should have brought the good headphones. I hope silence and quiet returns to favor. This music is just knee jerk

As I was on my way here, I remembered that Wednesday is the Brewster Farmer's Market so I cruised by for some garlic, shiitake mushrooms, a head of red leaf lettuce, and some beets. Okay, I also consumed a croissant, but, given my other choices, that was virtuous. Although the siren call of an almond croissant was clear, I do remember my remorse at having consumed one from the very same vendor. And it is time to focus on health and clarity again.

And so to work. 

Sunday, July 27, 2014


Well now. It is my last night out here on Long Island. Emmylou and Cooder are already upstate. Emmylou is completely comfortable, hanging out with Albert, demanding attention, and, in general, in her usual sweet-but-underfoot manner. Cooder, being diminished in her eyesight and smell to some some degree, is holding her own, but mostly hanging out on or under the bed, depending on whether I am there or not.

Both the male and female cardinals frolicked along the fence as JV and I sat in the twilight.  JV says the cardinals are the spirit animals of his parents watching over us.  I did miss Emmylou in the yard with us. JV, MM, and I had a grill out tonight here, the last one for me. Tomorrow, I take my last few belongings and supervise the furniture getting moved upstate and that, as they say, will be that. 

The crickets are going full bore, something I am not usually aware of here. The birds have had their nighttime fun and are quiet.

I am of several minds, scared, nervous, daunted. But I am ready to continue with my downsizing, and nearly eager to shed things. Getting away from some things for many months makes that process easier. And, as I have said a couple of times recently, as … freaked out ? discomfited ? uncomfortable ? tenuous ? nervous ? uncertain ? as I am right now, with plenty of difficult issues to work out, I am not depressed.

I did wake up in the middle of the night last night, unable to sleep, with some junior dementor thoughts starting to drum up some after-midnight misery, however I was able to remember their mode of trouble-making, so I took a small dose of sleeping medication and some reading to ward of a cycle of more fear and a spikespiral of darkness.

Okay, time for that Scarlett O’Hara cheer: Tomorrow is another day. Catch you all from the upstate side.

Thursday, July 24, 2014


I think I am in a bit of a rut, or, if you wanted to put a better spin on it, a holding pattern. Not enough progress is being made toward getting me the rest of the way out of here and on to the next. I am wasting time and hiding out. I’m not being overtly self-destructive, nor am I depressed, which is always a hallelujah moment.  Maybe it’s a plateau with a slight dip. 

Waking up companion.

The next day.

Feeling sad and spacey and emotional and scared. But, again, not really depressed. It's evening again. I had a surprisingly intense and emotional chat with C&J and feel ungrounded. I poured a short glass of white wine, grabbed Emmylou, and came out back to put my bare feet in the blooming thyme again. There's a bee making his rounds, as well.

We covered a lot of interesting and insightful ground during our Skype; now the challenge will be to integrate it in a meaningful way. C&J were particularly on today, sharp, poetic, perceptive. Maybe the biggest a-ha for me came during a discussion about value, recycling, lightening the possessions load, and waste. C made the observation that while I attempt to save and recycle almost everything to minimize waste, I do speak about myself that I have wasted my life. 

Take a breath there. 

Not worth conserving, protecting, using to the best and fullest advantage? Now, that's something to think about. 

I'll be back upstate by early next week. While I am eager to resume my walks with Albert, talks with M, dinner with M&J, and all the books around ( :-) ), I am saying goodbye to some things here: the rose of sharon bushes that dot the yard, the phlox that are half my height, the thyme lawn, the grape arbor, Emmylou's collar bell tinkling a signal that she is nearby but mostly the skyline of trees where I have watched the clouds and many a sunset.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014


Original wallpaper, c. 1850
I almost drank a beetle a little while ago. It had climbed into and drowned in the water glass next to my bed. I picked it up without looking and didn’t react to the detritus until I had sipped some. I didn’t swallow. Probably nutritious anyway.

It's too hot in the upstairs bedroom, while it is perfectly beautiful out here in the yard with the cawing crows and a jingly Emmylou, and, of course, the waves of cars. JV is off getting some bbq supplies for this evening. I guess I could be prepping but I really don't want to. Am I bad? We had roasted golden beets on Sunday evening. That was new and yummy.

The final rounding up of items is underway. I especially loathe this part of packing up. The little things one doesn't want to deal with. I need to put on my "less is more" glasses and think about whether I really need some of this. Same as it ever was.

So, besides procrastinating and packing and hanging out with JV and the cats, I have a new project at Sociative. It takes more time, but I am learning some new social media stuff, so that is good. Cooder did not like last week's moving activity so I spent some time napping and petting there.

It smells like thyme in this yard. JV told me that many years ago he grew some lemon thyme and now it has spread like a ground cover. Kind of pretty, too, with small lavender-ish flowers as it re-seeds itself. There's a bee in the thyme right now, snorkeling up some good pollen.

I really am reasonably good, just kind of quiet, again, and unfocussed, but maybe that is just the stress of moving again and re-settling. I've been reading Stacy Schiff's biography of Cleopatra. Quite a good read, but very dense and detailed. I had no idea that the Ptolemies were Greek, Macedonians, in fact, and had arrived with Alexander the Great. So Cleo wasn't actually Egyptian. 

Well, dears, back of the making of dinner. 

Thursday, July 17, 2014


Emmylou dislikes packing.
Tuesday late afternoon.

The rumbling has begun and it is dark for 4:00 p.m. The rain is supposed to go on for about twelve to sixteen hours. (I know that sounds heavenly for California.) When it rains, it rains straight down.

Tupelo dislikes the thunder, so is heading for the basement. I have a certain urge to go out and get drenched. Had he been a Cold War father, I am certain he would have been  among the first to build a fallout shelter. No doubt a staunch Republican as well. I can imagine the crew cut.

Emmylou doesn't much like the thunder, either, although she sees it as another opportunity to beg for petting.

Now, it is Thursday. This one will have to be short (hopefully sweet). S came out and we moved more stuff into storage. The weather favored us, although we were prepared with tarps, and we weren't fighting rain all day.

Headed back in to Brooklyn for the night to visit PS. Feeling anxious at the moment, but not sure why and don't feel as if I have much time to reflect on it today. Perhaps a nice drive and some time with an old friend will help. 

The sky was so pink.

Cooder was happy to be back on her own bed.