Sunday, December 28, 2014


In which we discuss our many current anxieties.

So, Saturday afternoon now. I have spent several hours noodling around on the internet, making a few calls on my newly fixed ($141.00 later) iPhone, doing dishes, crying (watched this a few times and it never fails), worrying, fretting, and then sometimes feeling positive hopeful and ready to make plans to bust the fuck out of this morass I am in.

I am so lost and confused I don't know that it is okay for me to spend time doing what I want ... well, almost. I really want to watch movies and tv shows on Netflix, but I have mostly not succumbed to that today. I have had a glass of red wine. 

The despondency comes, in part, from what to do about Emmylou. I can only take one kitty on the airplane and that has to be Cooder as she is the fragile one, most bonded to me. The rescue cat at M&J's is not adjusting to company, although they were assured that he liked other animals. The previous owners lied about that as well as other things. Any one who has any suggestions about where I might store her for a few months, I would be most grateful. 

I just feel nauseated and under-the-bed depressed.

Sunday evening now and many of my hoped-for Emmylou options have run out. 

There is a plan to see the Matisse show in the morning, so I am going to call it a night. And hope for a better break for tomorrow.

Saturday, December 27, 2014


Lordy. I feel emotionally achy today, as if I had been run over by a bus. My body is logy, my eyesight is dim (although I must investigate to see if my glasses are encrusted with tear salt). Yeah, and smeary from being too close to my face. I must remember that I need to be more careful about that sort of thing when I next acquire new spectacles.

Later that day. I’m still sick and spacey, but a little more mobile. And I managed, finally, to give Cooder her first anti-kidney disease hydration injection. She wasn’t too bad, really, but it would have been good to have some help. Just trying to keep her still and keep an eye on the amount she was getting was a bit cumbersome, but I imagine we will work out a system.

Now days later, after Christmas in point of fact. Finally got on line at B1's house where I am staying for a few more days. I was as frustrated as a child at not being able to get on line. It was coloring everything with a narrow, angry filter of fuckitall. Part of it was not being able to track down the problem, the general frustration of non-IT people with computers they live with but don't fully understand. Part of it is my general ongoing hell of having downloaded the new Mac OS, Yosemite, which is truly having a succubus in the machine.

But now I can write, and attend to some of the issues in my life that need attention. And then, hopefully, get out to a beautiful sunny December day. 

For the record, the cold lingers, but my brain is mostly back. 

Sometimes, it is difficult to remember to cut yourself some slack.

Not such a good day. I headed over to the MacGregor-Clark household to feed the kitties. Ricky and Bubble are very sweet and were quite glad to see me. (Can you guess which one is which?) I petted them and hung out with them for more than an hour, reading and so forth.

As I left, my iPhone slipped away and crashed to the concrete step at the front door. The cracked screen is the worst one I have ever seen. So there's money I didn't want to spend on fixing it, but I really haven't a choice. I can use it as a 'phone, but I can't see anything on it. I've been shattered.

Christmas Day started early with a nice leftover latte and lemon muffin from Ladybird Bakery. After watching the last episode of season 2 of Last Tango in Halifax, I then took a Dead Sea salt bath while I read The New Yorker. Then I popped back into bed for a nice mid-morning nap. Dinner was at Melinda and John's where we kept it simple with turkey, mashed potatoes, brussels sprouts, macaroni and cheese, dressing and gravy. (I made the stuffing and the gravy, neither of which are my specialities, but they were good.) The other guest was a neighbor. We then settled back to watch the James Brown biopic, Get On Up. (Excellent acting but a screenplay that was somewhat lackluster.) 

Now it is early the next day, Saturday. I went to Radio Shack to see about getting the 'phone fixed (not inexpensive). Then I headed over to Melinda's and John's to say hello and check on Emmylou and Cooder. We watched Angelina Jolie's Unbroken, which isn't terrible but is rather pedestrian and boring. I would have left before the end, but Cooder came to sit on me, napping and purring for almost two hours. Now that was a heaven I could not resist.

And always worth repeating: Apple Yosemite is a nightmare.

Friday, December 19, 2014


Settling in here at the Park Slope branch of Thee Centre for Tiredness. I feel nearly jet-lagged.

Emmylou and the resident cat, Shadow (although I am lobbying to call him Jimmy after Jimmy Durante and his big nose) are working on a compromise. Cooder has retreated to the warmest, darkest, quietest place she can find which is under the bathtub. Although she was initially pretty chill with the whole situation, she freaked out last night when Melinda tried to get into her own bed, which Cooder thought was her place. Given that she is pretty much blind and doesn’t know Melinda’s smell, I think she just lost it.

Going out this afternoon to see the MacGregor-Clark family and have a delish Becky dinner. Hopefully, I will get in a nap before then so I am not completely dragging.

Now it is Tuesday. How did time fly by so? I have come down with a cold, which I am fighting with Double-Stuft White Oreos and Hulu Plus, where I am watching a French policier Braquo. I did manage to show, get dressed, and make the bed, although I have returned to sprawl. 

Now it will be Friday in three minutes. I talk to you all the time. But not with my fingers, only with my head. 

Just so you know I am okay, I am posting this. I've had a cold for the past four days and have been in varying stages of 'out-of-it'. And maybe the sickness has made me mellow as I am not freaking out about my usual dire situation. 

More to come. Here are Jimmy Shadow and Emmylou. Cooper is around, but not as photogenic at the moment. I am a bit worried about her as she doesn't like any of her food and is not eating enough. But more on that later, too.

Thursday, December 11, 2014


Yes, transference of felines and person has been accomplished. Stage One. I am in my ‘jammies at 9:00 waiting for Melinda to get off of work. I have something in the oven, roasting slowly, but I think I will turn it up. I bought some Tater Tots (where in hell did that name come from???) from Trader Joe’s. I seem to remember Melinda and John liked them.

Emmylou was surprisingly calm on the drive down; she only got out of her Sherpa bag once, and only made three mad attempts to escape. No one miaowed.

The drive was beautiful, clear and cloudy skies after this morning’s light snow. The sky was so gorgeous and interesting that I had to ask myself if I were hallucinating. That could be the case, but it would have been from exhaustion.

There were Jesus rays over Jersey City.

Here are some snaps I took driving down the West Side Highway. 
Then Emmylou and Cooder settling in.
Then the new feline roommate.
Then the dining room ceiling.

Wednesday, December 10, 2014


Brewster Methodist Church.

Okay. I am still in Brewster, although I will make it to Brooklyn tomorrow. My car is partially packed and there is some clean-up and final boxes to stow away, but I am close to lift off. I give myself guff for taking so long, but, on the other hand, I didn’t get really crazy or depressed, nor did I do more injury to my back by being overly ambitious. I procrastinated some, but was able to keep myself from stepping into any philosophical or life-assessing black holes. So, that’s all to the good, right?

I was tempted to stay abed this morning, knowing that it was my last in that bed in that room. Being a bed-oriented person, there is something extra-symbolic for me in packing up that comfort zone, my nest of down and safety. However, on this occasion it neither upset nor depressed me. It didn't really even make me sad or anything. I was more concerned with getting it packed up and stashed away. 

Cooder likes the guest bed anyway, so for her it is probably a treat to sleep in here. I can still hear Emmy in the hallway, although I am not sure if she is sleeping in her spot at the top of the stairs. Emmylou and Albert followed me all day long as I ran up and down to the basement. Even though it was too wet outside for Albert, (or Emmylou for that matter,)  Albert did get some exercise. 

And even though I am in the farthest room in the house, I can still hear J practicing his bass. Such are the acoustics of this old house. 

I treated myself to red wine (Zinfandel) and pizza this evening. I also made brussels sprouts with olive oil, balsamic, garlic, parmesan, and ground cashews. I think walnuts or almonds would have been better.  Next time.

I had a lot of thoughts about moving and such, but now I am kind of out of intelligence and wanting to get a good night's sleep if at all possible. I am not sure where my sleeping medication is, so I need to go look for that. 

The snow fall was light today, unlike the infamous day not so very long ago when I moved away from B2. No more December moves for me.

As much as I can, I plan to go gentle into this goodnight.

These photos are from Ireland. It was very pretty out today, but I didn't have the time or creative capacity to shoot anything. I really love the swan photo.