Sunday, June 30, 2013

JUST LIKE ANY OTHER DAY

It is more than the heat. The last 36 hours or so have been quite unsettling, disorienting. The heat just keeps the balance off. 

On Friday I headed down here to Brooklyn again to hang out with Tupelo and to go to a couple of Celebrate Brooklyn gigs. All that went relatively well, although I was extremely logey and feeling the need for a nap, which I didn't really get.

Celebrate Brooklyn was okay, but we sat in a steady drizzle for a good 45 minutes or an hour during the Aurelio Martinez set (he is excellent). And yes we had umbrellas. By the time Ladysmith Black Mambazo came on, we were just damp damp damp. And although they sing beautifully, I was too tired and clammy to sit still for much longer. We left. The bandshell was utterly utterly jammed and it was quite an ordeal to go against the tide to get out.

John had sent me a message earlier that Mary, his mother, was moving into another phase of the final passage. She was not expected to live through the night. Likely that, too, added to my general unease. I didn't sleep all that well, comfortable though it is here. In the middle of the night, I got up to check the time and found this very sad email message:

something to chase my black & - blues away.  (Really more of a black, purplish, bruisey looking BLUES.)  So depressed -- there should be a new word for it.  Caught in the Bermuda triangle of anxiety, paralysis and panic with a lot of intense unfathomable sadness in the middle.  I feel like I'm going down.  They'll never recover my body -- they'll just say, 'the sadness is just too DEEP.'  And of course they'll be right.  

You know? -- ' don't try looking in there, no no no -- that can come to NO GOOD.  Stay outside that triangle.  Absolutely nothing interesting about it.  No life down there.  Not even those evil looking fish with the phosphorescent glow & Komodo dragon scales and super-Piranha fangs....'  Ya know?  

Okay -- just trying to let this train of thought go.  Sending the train through that dark dark tunnel of UNlove.  No light at the end of that tunnel.... just keep going.  

Okay -- I'll try to keep walking.  Something's burning on the stove now.  Great. 


 Yeah. I do know.

I had an unexpected conversation at a meeting on Saturday morning. I was still absorbing all of that, not sure of what I was feeling. I spent a bit of time reading The Light Between Oceans (do not believe the reviews, not worth the time) because I had started it, it is reasonably skimmable, and I am almost behind on my yearly reading challenge so I need some fodder while I plough through The Brothers Karamazov



When I finally staggered around to find my cellphone, there was a message from John that his mother had passed away at around 11:30 a.m. Sigh. So keep that pallor on the day.

Seems like everything 
lead up to this day
and it's just like every day 
that's ever been.
Sun goin' up 
and then the sun
it goin' down.

I don't even entirely know where the rest of the day went. I worked on the graphic novel and read. Stumbled around, even if only in my thoughts. I finally caught up with my own mother via telephone. And I took a satisfying nap (always important to me).

Os Mutantes were playing at Celebrate Brooklyn and they were part of the reason I came down here. It was tough to get out of the house after the nap, and I had missed the opening acts. I encouraged myself to just check it out. So I walked up to the park, found a seat in the second row of general admission, sat down, and the band came out and played. That did make me feel a bit better about my place in the universe. But, alas! Os Mutantes didn't raise my spirits much, and I was starving, so I left after about 30 minutes. I got a taste. Plus, I made an effort and got out of the house.

Oh why this chronicle? Because I haven't written in a couple of days? Because that edge of dualities I wrote about earlier this week has spread into a fog of life obscurity and a calm, constant confusion and questioning. I feel very insecure and that I know nothing. Least of all myself. I could easily doubt gravity at this moment. And I am clueless about where to find ... Solace? Knowledge? Direction? Purpose? 

I feel this for more than just myself. Seems as if more and more of my friends or our wider circles are less and less happy, accomplished, or sure/secure. I can feel the tension or see small tears in the fabrics of well-being or reasonable status quos. If there were ever a moment for me to find ... um ... religion, well this would be it. Yet, what I know of them does not appeal. I trust very little.

One way or another
One way or another
One way or another
this darkness got to give
One way or another
One way or another
One way or another
this darkness got to give


I am not so sure.


Tupelo likes ice cubes in his water bowl.






Thursday, June 27, 2013

OF THAT TIME

Of that time, there is still much we do not know.
— Tom Bissell, The Select Mainstream: Contemplating the Mirages of Werner Herzog


I felt good enough today to take a 30 minute walk, which I read in a NY Times article I should do five times a week. As I presently live in a pretty place, that seems as if it shouldn't be too much of a hardship if I can just get in the habit. And so I did the walk. And now my knee hurts again, but we shall see how it is in the morning.

My three trees in summer.

I cannot get John's mom, Mary, out of my mind. Just a few weeks ago, she was giving him hell about going up to Schroon Lake. Now she is in hospice care, sleeping through the morphine, on oxygen. I never went to visit her as often as she asked. I suppose it should not be as dizzying as it is, but there you are. Here today, gone tomorrow as we hear.

What a fighter and survivor was Mary. Sure, she was a first-class noodge of the old school, but hell she came from Slovakia, lost a child and a first husband before WWII. Mary got through it. And she has three solid children to show for it. And many grandchildren and even some great-children. Feisty, opinionated, and I even saw some of her party skills at John's and Mel's wedding five years ago.

So, no matter her faults, I can swear that she has raised at least one first class child. John has been a companion for my life and I have no doubt that he will continue to be. We've been through some shit. But, as real friends do, we got through it and moved on. So how could I but love, respect, and lament one who has given ME such a gift? Godspeed, Mary. No doubt flights of angels lead you to your rest. And you deserve it.

These lilies are all over the place.


Meanwhile, the deluge is finally here. The cats barely know what to do with so much noisy rain, thunder, and lighting.  On another hand, Cooder has showed up some, so it is cooler.

Not at all how I feel at the moment, but as I am writing this Billie Holliday song has been playing: Laughing at Life.




I may not be laughing at life, but at the very least, I have a rueful smile (and some of you know that crooked mouth smile quite well). I seem to be afflicted with no end of mosquito bites and some more fucking poison ivy.  No idea where that came from. So I am itchy, okay.

Let it be.
Let it be.
Let it be.
Let it be.
There will be an answer,
let it be.


Let it rain.


Wednesday, June 26, 2013

VEILED

Today is one of those days where the veil is very thin. Life and death, happiness and misery, light and dark abut and nearly blend. 

It's not so much than anything is directly wrong with me. In fact, there have been more than a few moments, instances, in the last, say, week, where I felt reasonably blessed. And that with a very painful knee (much much better today, thank you for asking. I was awake and walking around for at least an hour before I even thought about it.), miscellaneous bleeding bug bites, rashes, swollen fingers, dwindling bank accounts, and the rest. The bright side still had some sheen.

But it is grey today, if less warm. What a trade-off for me: comfortable weather or light. One or the other. Well, at least Cooder came down to walk around today.

One of my close friends is going through some hella-changes at the moment, most confusing, even from my ringside seat. I can feel the pain and the confusion and I have little comfort or advice (well, that might be okay). 

I think I am mostly sad about my friend John's mom who is dying of cancer. No matter than she is 92, when someone that central to your life goes, age is irrelevant. John is being stalwart, clear, kind, grown-up, and dear, which, for me, makes it all the more poignant. Perhaps we are such close friends that I can just feel his pain, even from far away. 

But many of us are at that age when death is more of a resident than a visitor. And maybe  I'm just working on my grieving for my mom, for Cooder, for Tupelo, for Albert (who is ailing lately), still for Carl, and then myself, the myself I failed to become. (Now that is a philosophical concept.)

M lost a friend of 10-years last week. Another close friend of hers got a cancer diagnosis yesterday.

And meanwhile, there are the blossoming lives around us. A moving to Arizona, E going to Berlin. Becky's Landon standing by himself for the first time last night. Susan having her second baby. Hannah and Lyz's twins turning two. Sloan sending out smiles every day.

I know. I know. Cycle of life. Big fucking deal. The ins and the outs. Those transitions can really hurt.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

'TWAS A STICKY DAY

'Twas a sticky day
Many clouds did grey the sky
Many negative words were heard
From people inside and out
'Twas a sticky day
Air conditioning was required
And the fans they never stopped
'Twas a sticky day ...

With apologies to Paul Simon.

It is still sticky although I can hear Big Bertha, my rusted, trusted vintage Westinghouse fan cooling further the screened in porch. Cooder has spent most of the day under some bed or other waiting for the unpleasantness, that she neither understands nor approves of, to pass. Emmylou, infinitely more hair-laden, made her usual rounds, albeit somewhat slower. And she did spend a good portion of the day flat.

Sticky and Scratchy, that's me today. Yeah. I am somewhat uncomfortable what with a strange rash on my right knuckle (I thought it was a mosquito bite but apparently not) and my strangely painful right knee. Oh, the breakdown of the body.

For those of you who have yet to reference and absorb the article I linked y'all to last night, here's another quote from Albert O. Hirschman:

"Creativity always comes a surprise to us; therefore we can never count on it and we dare not believe in it until it has happened. In other words, we would not consciously engage upon tasks whose success clearly requires that creativity be forthcoming. Hence, the only way in which we can bring our creative resources fully into play is by misjudging the nature of the task, by presenting it to ourselves as more routine, simple, undemanding of genuine creativity that it will turn out to be."

Hmm ... I'm taking my sticky and ouchy body to bed.

Monday, June 24, 2013

FALLING INTO TRUTH?

Why "Take Me to the River" this morning? Is it "I haven't seen the worst of it yet"?

Yet much is pleasant here. Cooder is grooming herself in the SIP sunspot. Emmylou is meatloafing casually nearby (but come to think of it, the practice of meatloafing is, by definition, casual. There is no such thing as an anxious meatloaf, I don't believe.)

A and E are doing yoga in the front room. Maybe next time they will let me join them.



Days later. 

No idea when I started writing this post. Maybe Friday. Sigh. 

It was brutually humid today, soupy and disorienting, pretty much the whole day. A and I, were rather out of it to say the very least. I think we were both suffering from lack of sleep. I can barely recount where the day went, but I do believe substantial guest laundry and dishes were done (not together). I also got caught up on Veep and True Blood. And work on Monsterwood and my regular gig.


Bombino and Amadou and Mariam at Celebrate Brooklyn were utterly revelatory. I had seen Amadou and Mariam before, but I had not seen the unleashed beauty of Amadou's guitar playing which was on beyond formidable. The Prospect Park Bandshell crowd was as crazy and enthusiastic as I have ever seen it. A sea of a-rhythmically dancing mostly white people... but impressive nonetheless. 

I also had time to read on the train up and back. I spent some time with the New Yorker which was just lovely. Malcolm Gladwell has a most interesting book review of Worldly Philosopher: The Odyssey of Albert O. Hirschman which I recommend most highly. Hirschman had some very interesting ideas about doubt and the benefits of failure. 

"While we are rather willing and even eager and relieved to agree with a historian's finding that we stumbled into the more shameful events of history, such as war, we are correspondingly unwilling to concede—in fact we find it intolerable to imagine—that our more lofty achievements, such as economic, social or political progress, coul dhave come about by stumbling rather than careful planning .... Language itself conspires toward this kind of asymmetry; we fall into error but do not speak of falling into truth."

There's a taste. I had a lot more enthusiasm and interesting thoughts when I first read this, but days and nights have passed and it is about all I can do right now to send a link.

More soon!



HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR AURA LATELY?

 Just wondering ... while I was out buying last minute anchovies and citronella candle for A's graduation b-b-bque, I found that I could have a spiritual check=up at the A&P shopping center. 

My aura must be pretty good at the moment, thank you for asking. It has been a hectic few days and I think I was on my feet for most of the hours of today. As self-appointed chief bottle-washer, I had plenty to do to keep ahead of the dishes. I am pleased to report that the kitchen is fairly clean, the dishwasher a-chugging along, and no major damage done. B & K2 are giving sleeping on the SIP a whirl, which sounds divine in this hot and muggy weather.

M's two sisters, J-A and K1, were here for the party and it was a thorough delight to hang out with the actual sisters of my bff-sister. Their husbands were also pretty darn grand. We cooked and kibitzed and ate. I did get a picture of all the females of the clan that were present, and a fine looking bunch they are:


Interestingly, if not surprisingly, all the x-y carriers left the scene when pictures were taken. 

And the freesia and nasturtiums are a-bloomin' as well. This will have to do for a check-in today.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

FRENCH SICILIAN BREAD AND COMIC BOOKLETS

One of the ponds.
For those of you who asked about the cicadas, today I am getting the full brunt of them. Louise and I are in Rhinebeck, sitting outside, and working on Monsterwood. When I opened the backdoor to step onto the patio, it sounded (and still does) as if I were hearing a flotilla of sirens several blocks away. Quite a cacophony here. 

Meanwhile, and perhaps because of the din, I am singing the Go Go's How Much More? in my head. "How much more can I take before I go crazy?"

Many many hours later.

Isn't it amazing that you don't do the right thing, even when you know better? I had lots of things to say earlier and now that it is tomorrow, I am just plain old sleepy. And as we all know, that is nothing even vaguely new. I should have known better with a girl like me.






The weather was so beautiful, so right, you couldn't have paid for it if you wanted to, which might be a long-winded way of saying it was priceless. Just on the slim edge between warm and cool, which means completely comfortable. We sat in the shade in two Adirondack chairs, smelling the jasmine. 


Eventually, Louise was busily ploughing through my latest set of changes, and I decided to make Tuscan-style bean and tuna salad. I put edamame in it, so I don't think it was very Italian, but it sure was good. 

Sadly, the mosquitos got to my feet on my last evening in Brewster. There must be some way into the screened-in porch. I'll have to look for citronella candles and keep some bug repellant out there. 


I didn't really write about Calexico or the other events of Brooklyn. But I did manage to get in a nice catch up visit with my very most dear Becky MacGregor Clark and to finally meet her son! 



Landon Patrick Clark



And, as is often the case, I see the city with fresher eyes these days and want to photograph everything. Here are a garden doorstep and an interesting shop front in Williamsburg.








Monday, June 17, 2013

CHIRRUPING CRICKETS IN THE NIGHT

Yo, peeps? Where are you? Give a girl some props. As of 11:53 p.m., only five of you have looked at my last two posts, which I thought were pretty good, and this is the kind of thing that discourages me.

Meanwhile, made it down to Brooklyn, scored awesome seats at Calexico, and had a lovely time on an even lovelier night. In attendance avec moi, were one of the B's, AJ, and Mary. We kind of had wine, women, and song, and that sounds fairly excellent to me.

But as I already posted once today, I think I will wait 'til a greater degree of sanity and perhaps sobriety, although I am not too far gone, and try to relate the overall excellence that was Calexico on the morrow.

It is quite warm here in Brooklyn.

Now, two days later ...

Back in Brewster, hanging late on the SIP with Cooder in one of the four rocking chairs. Emmylou was out here, too, but seems to have moved back into the house. The crickets are chirupping along and I can see the waxing moon through the screen.


Saturday, June 15, 2013

THE BUZZING OF SUMMER LAWNS

7:50 a.m.

Why is it that today I wake up at a Christian hour? When I gave myself permission to sleep in? and it isn't just that the machine happy neighbors are busy with their buzzy machines at 7:30 in the morning, as I was wakened before dawn with the extremely chirpy birds cacaphoning merrily. Gosh, and I was having a fun dream about flirting with the bass player for Led Zepplin who was really more of a feminist and a nice guy than I would have ever imagined. I was trying to explain to him, and he was reasonably listening, why I didn't really like le Zep back in the beginning. And then we were discussing the blues, (and expressiveness in music), he making the usual argument that you have to suffer if you want to play the blues, me making an argument for the informed, impassioned, and emotionally impaled listener, that a close and careful listener was part of the musical equation. Plus, he had loose curly black hair and blue-eyes.

Oh good. Now that it is 8:16 the mowing of summer lawns has stopped. No man is an island, unless you live in suburbia where it is only marginally necessary to think about your neighbors and the noise you might be making. 

A and I almost finished the SIP project. Then we made a kitchen-sink-ingredient Thai-style stir fry. We topped that off by having dinner on the SIP.

Well, I might as well get cracking as I still have to clean my desk. But very excited about Calexico tonight!



Lovely, right?




Emmy enjoying the evening later. And it's more or less okay if she sits on this table.







Well, I might as well get cracking as I still have to clean my desk. But very excited about Calexico tonight! And Cooder is pretty insistent that it is greenies time.






I had enough lights to put some up over my bed.

Post-script: I was never going to sleep this morning. The workmen just arrived to pump out the septic.


Friday, June 14, 2013

HIDE-AND-SEEK SUN








We saw some sun today, although it was a hide-and-seek kind of day. The temperature rose and fell according to the light, of course, so you had to run around with a sweater, at least. 

Where the day went, I am not entirely sure. And I am a bit extra distracted this evening as the mother of a close friend is very ill. I had a telephone conversation with another friend who is in similar straits to my own, which doesn't do much to cheer one up. My bank account is quite low, particularly after I filled up my gas tank and bought a bunch of greenies and other kitteh supplies.

So, although I am feeling kind of sad and bereft, anticipating my close friend's loss and knowing that loss is what all of my cohort will be dealing with shortly, I just don't want to carry on too far. 

At least I woke up with two kittehs on the bed with me.

Emmy does not understand why Albert and I can go out and she cannot.

LET IT RAIN

Sadie Thompson here, writing from Pago-Pago. This rain is crazy boring! Bring on the marines!





















Yeah, rain. And lots more to come. I moved the tomato plants onto the screened-in porch because they were drowning practically. I should probably venture out and move some of the others. It's the grey and lack of sun, more than the wetness, that gets to me.

I guess A & E are still sleeping. Oops, here comes one now. I was up a little too late, but I was able to sleep without medication. Fun and somewhat crazy dreams starring my friend Janine C. and John Slattery. I woke up to an Emmylou sleeping very near to me. Progress!

Now it is tomorrow and I am still awake, although I think sleep is possible. Still raining although there were several hours of respite. We did not get the derecho here, no thunder and lighting nor gale force winds. It is kind of cold though.

I needn't worry; I have two cats on my bed! I'd take a picture and post it however I have no idea where my iPhone is. That and my feet are cold. 

A and I took on the task that no likes to do: cleaning out the refrigerator. M was so pleased she said she thought angels would sing each time she opened it.

I did a bunch of laundry having found a missing cache of clothing when I visited my storage space. And I listened to more of Dearie.


Down the street to the south.

Up the street to the North.

My grand-niece is in Europe with her father who is the drummer for Burt Bacharach. Her blog is quite charming. You can check it out here.


The best thing one can do when it is raining is let it rain.
— Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

SIPPIN' ON A LITTLE NIGHT TRAIN



"Sippin' on a little Night Train ..."  The Black Light, Calexico.

Been listening to Calexico for the last several hours in anticipation (hot anticipation) of the upcoming gig at Celebrate Brooklyn. Patty Ramona, an unimpeachable tastemaker, has lauded Calexico for years and I never fully attended to them. Now, however, I am a convert.

Well, it was touch and go in the falling asleep department, but I did and pretty much staid asleep except for coughing fits (allergies). I did wake up early to face full-frontal sun in the backyard, but decided to get more sleep. All in all, a baby step towards more regular sleep. Now, if I can just keep the computer out of the bed, largely stay away from alcohol, and take my medication at the right time, perhaps I can get into a better rhythm.

And writing in the middle of the day is part of the plan as I sometimes write this post late at night from the comfort of a feather bed. It is likely better for me to do it earlier, if less philosophical and retrospective of the day, but that's maybe okay.

Must go to sleep. I did not sip on any Night Train, but I did have some white zinfandel as I  made pizzas. They turned out well. Got a bunch of errands done and listened to Dearie: The Remarkable Life of Julia Child in the car and as I did some bedroom redecorating. 'Tis is a hell-of-a-good listen.



So this will be a short one.


Napping friends.
The first tomato.



Tuesday, June 11, 2013

WAY TO DEAL

The SIP right after an a rainstorm.
Well, the rain stopped, at least for now. And notwithstanding my optimistic post, I did not sleep. Very frustrating. I need to change my tactics and just go to bed when I am that sleepy and hope that I sleep through the night. I have also started taking my laptop to bed, and that is a clear no-no.

So, I will trudge through the day as best I can. I did use some of my insomnia to good effect, running the dishwasher and finishing the dinner dishes. And I did some snorkeling around the internet, not that I don't do plenty of that anyway. So coffee, then litter boxes and organization as tomorrow is bulk pick up day and there may be some things that can get out.

I spent part of the day listening to lectures from my coursera History of Rock class. Little did I know that Good Lovin' by the Rascals was a cover version. Here's the original by The Olympics (interestingly part of the early Los Angeles music scene). I kind of like their ... funky, "dumpy" as my brother Carl would have called it, dirtier sound. But the Rascals had so much joy and urgency in their version it is hard not to prefer it. Plus, the Olympics did Western Movies, which I always thought was the Coasters or the Drifters or something. Which is very much fun.

And just for fun, here's George Harrison and Bob Dylan rehearsing If Not for You for the Concert for Bangaladesh. Very sweet. In the last lecture, the prof talked about Louie, Louie (here's the original which I don't believe I've ever heard). Some of you out there will remember that KALX (UC Berkeley radio station) had Louie, Louie marathons wherein you could submit a version and they would play. My old roommate, Lou, and I wanted to do a chicken-clucking version (just try it), but we lacked the recording technology (I know! Hard to believe!) and, perhaps, the necessary passion.

Cuddling with Emmylou: the view from the pillow.

Yes, it is true! Emmylou Irene Patsy Clownpaws continues to grow into adult cathood and is more regularly sleeping on the bed. She didn't exactly crawl into my arms, as Cooder does, but she did sleep with me for a good hour. Baby steps.

And Cooder! Well, just look at what she got accomplished today.





This varmint has plagued us. Not too bad for an old kitty. Emmy is still looking for it. I have been left other rodent tributes, but the vanquishing heroine has not reposed besides them (generally, I nearly step on them as I get out of bed).



Albert got a summer cut and is quite natty, although camera-shy.






There is no real way to deal with everything we lose. - Joan Didion, Where I Was From























Monday, June 10, 2013

ON AND ON, ENRAPTURED

In some way, this bulb is related to M's family. 
“She read on and on, enraptured. She could not understand half, but it excited her oddly, like words in a foreign language sung to a beautiful air. She followed the poem vaguely as she followed the Latin in her missal, guessing, inventing meanings for herself, intoxicated by the mere rush of words. And yet she felt she did understand, not with her eyes or her brain, but with some faculty she did not even know she possessed.” 
― Antonia WhiteFrost in May

Inventing meanings for herself. Yes, that was how I felt reading The Brothers Karamazov for awhile. But I have cranked up the audible.com recordings I bought a long time ago and that is actually helping my comprehension. I still have a lot to read and I have not even picked-up the novel, except to move it, since Thursday.

Meanwhile, the rain is just pouring down. I feel like Joan Crawford in Rain, just going crazy from its incessant drone, steady and unyielding for hours now. I realize we are lucky to have it as there is plenty of drought elsewhere, but it can (and will) get on your nerves. Which brings me to my one of my usual favorite quotes from Apocalypse Now, "Saigon. Shit. I'm still only in Saigon." Which is how this incessant rain can make you feel.

Later. Yeah. Still raining. 

Feeling very sleepy and thus am pyjammied and embedded in a fashion. Almost too tired to go to sleep, but we know that won't last very long. It's 61 degrees but it certainly feels cooler. I almost had to go looking for my down booties, but think I will just warm my feet under my down comforter, which I still have on the bed. I know it won't be long until I am complaining about the heat. But this summer, I will have a couch on a screened-in porch to try out for hot nights, too.

In other news, Emmylou came up to sit on my lap and get face pets several times today. And she is making an appearance on the bed every night, which pleases me.

Wild strawberry growing in the driveway gravel.






































Subway laps.

Der Tupester last week in Brooklyn.




RIVER, PAVED WITH CEMENT

Chillin' with Cooder on the SIP.
It being 12:13 p.m., and me still being in my nightgown on the screened-in porch (henceforth, SIP), seems high time to get busy with some chores. My desk top, physical, is a mess, my bedroom is a mess, and the dishwasher needs to be run.

M, J, and I saw Dave Alvin and the Guilty Ones last night at the Towne Crier in Pawling. Tonight is the last night for this old music bar in that town. Dave utterly shredded. Of course, at some point during the show, I wanted to go call my brother Carl and rave to him. Not going to happen.




Dave is from Downey which is the next town over from the town where I grew up. All part of the post-war California dream which seems to have gone awry, just like the rest of the American dream. Dave has one (well, way more than one) really good song, Dry River, (here are the lyrics), which is particularly resonant. 

I was born by a river 
that was paved with cement.
I was born by a river 
that was paved with cement.
Still, I'd stand out in that river,
And dream that I was soaking wet. 


Plenty of dreams out of context for the reality of my life. I guess if a dream is commensurate, appropriate for one's place in life, it isn't really a dream. But I certainly feel paved with cement sometimes.




Now Monday. 12:48 p.m. and I am showered and dressed. I slept very late, which I don't like. Gotta keep struggling with the schedule. And not fall too deeply into bummerland as it is overcast and both cool and muggy today.
Emmylou, demure, restrained.





I am not sure where I came across this little tidbit of time-wasting about gauging one's happiness. Some of them I do fine on, for instance having hobbies and supportive friends, but I must say, my first thought in the morning and my last thought as I (try to) fall asleep are certainly not happy ones, full of hope and excitement, or accomplishment, although that occurs from time to time.

So, I am not going to go on at length here, right now. I have plenty of little things that could use some attention if I do not want to take on the bigger issues of life, but I do need to push myself into the deeper waters again, and get busy swimming. 





Friday, June 7, 2013

APART, NOT A PART


Maybe they are more aware of the gap between men and beasts, being more occupied with the likenesses, the links, the whole of which living things are a part.
Ursula K. LeGuin, The Left Hand of Darkness

Still working through my stockpile of quotes from books I have been recently reading.I even have some The Brothers Karamazov in the queue. Happily, my Kermit Place Readers were able to share some insights and frustrations about our current undertaking, and so, we press on. 

Raining quite a bit here in Brooklyn today. Grey, cool, and, of course, wet. 

Which is kind of how I am feeling. I caught up with one of the B's this morning. We hadn't seen one another for such a long time, and only had 90 minutes or so, that we made an agenda and took turns talking. That worked out well. We covered a lot of ground and we can go deeper next time. We made a date to go see Amadou & Miriam and Bombino at Celebrate Brooklyn in two weeks. And I may get a free ticket to see this B in her off-Broadway play, My Big Fat Gay Italian Funeral.


Meanwhile, the other B is coming over for dinner and John and Mel's in about an hour, so I should get up and get cooking. Making chicken breasts with mushrooms and rosemary, roasted broccoli, maybe sauteed boy chok and spinach, and basmati rice. John and Mel both have to work late (and Mel started early as she started with a trim for me!) but I am sure they will be happy to come home to laughter, wine, and a nice dinner.

Meanwhile, I am feeling a bit sad, and I think part of it is this spying business that our supposedly liberal government is conducting on all of us average joes. I find it enormously upsetting, particularly when coupled with the persecution of Bradley Manning, the other crack-downs on whistleblowers, and all the rest of the perfidy going down. I guess if we are not in a corporation or an approved arm of the government, we are not them, we are separated. Not a part.

I enjoyed being on the subway yesterday and seeing the mulitplicity of humans. I took some, I think, nice shots of what my KPR pal Emily refers to as "fellow travelers."

Oh, and before you look, here's a birthday shout out to my stalwart, EJB, truly trying to keep it, and keep it real, out in La-la Land. Much love, sistah.


This is my favorite.


This fellow was exceptionally good-looking, but ya don't see that here.