tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10189941130711083062024-03-12T17:54:21.105-07:00The Yoga of Writing/The Writing of Yoga (French, Music, and Washing, Extra.)And all I actually have to offer as a writer, is my version of life.
— Anne LamottSally Anne Syberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18185300944480396559noreply@blogger.comBlogger1257125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1018994113071108306.post-47276240030378666582023-09-12T23:11:00.002-07:002023-09-12T23:11:34.513-07:00I SHOULD DO THE SAME<p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";">17 of 100</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">May 24th</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">It is hard to make plans to have fun when you would rather disappear into the earth. The depression continues, yet I am soldiering on figuring out who I can see when. As far as I can tell, the Adderall isn't touching this morass of fear, anxiety, disaffection, with a smattering of despair. At least the sky has begun to clear up a bit. I will head for the yard to get the rest of my plants in the ground and perhaps soak up some rays.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">August 7</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><i>"And then it is another day and another and another, but I will not go on about this because no doubt you too have experienced time."</i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">— Jenny Offill, <i>Weather</i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">And there you have it. Time has passed. Not so sure that much of clear import has happened. Of course, so much is in the small moments and nuances, as my dear teacher Sonia like to remind me.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><i>"... the images of a moment, bathed in a light that is theirs alone ..."</i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">— Annie Ernaux, <i>The Years</i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">That's kind of interesting, making the light of recent events an organizing principle of the last few months.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">During April, May, and a lot of June here in LA, the light was always damn grey. Not very conducive to cheeriness for those of us who need some of the inspiration of brightness to orient themselves to even being alive, facing another of those "another days." Of course, when I returned two weeks ago, it was punishingly, disorientingly hot. The goddesses of kindness have smiled upon us, giving us just a bit of reasonable respite so the will to live can regenerate.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">It's been a tough. year, all in all. There haven't been any major tragedies, and the bumps have been ones that are recoverable, more uncomfortable, expensive, and upsetting to the general flow than terribly painful things. I had several bouts of pretty severe depression, but these ended up being due to outside and mangeable forces for the most part: too many narcotics (for my surgery), and other ...</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">August 20</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Tropical Storm Hilary continues to rain here in the LA flatlands. Nina has been by my side all day, mostly in bed with me, where I spent the majority of the day, studying French, eating pistachios, and watching a movie. One of my recent resolutions was to try to watch at least one movie a week, as I have rarely been doing recently. I don't know why I chose to watch the flick that I did</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">September 12</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">... and now I have no idea what that film was.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Been some tough times for me. I hate hot weather, and although this has been a milder summer, even when it cools out, it take a bit to rev up into actual life and action and then it just might get crushingly hot and you are stuck reeling and hiding, productivity a long ways away.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Tonight, however, tonight. I felt fall in the air. It's still warm and unusually humid for LA, so it feels even warmer. But as I stepped out in the darkening skyscape after yoga, I could feel the underpinning of actual chill and the promise of autumn. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Of course, the other harbinger of autumn is the Pumpkin Spice Lifestyle that is on display at every chain store we might go to. Someone should write a Pumpkin Spice Season musical. I like pumpkin pie well enough, but I sure disapprove of having it (or much of anything else) shoved down my throat. I think I began to see Halloween costumes in Costco in July, for sure by August. No surprise, you know me by now, but this adds to my consumerism agita. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">It's all the same moment. Time has flattened out. Christmas is 4th of July adjacent in our marketing cycles. And there always has to be some holiday, some event to sell us on. At this point, the quotidienne everydayness is practically something to celebrate. Who cares about any cycles but the marketing cycles, that which leads us. And where is the organized consumerist religion? I know, there are all those prosperity gospels out there ... and maybe we are close with our knee-numbing money-sucking-joy-killing worship of wealth and big business. There is some still disingenuous there. We need to outrightly pray to Jeff Bezos, Bill Gates, Elon Musk, the murderous Sackler family, and others I likely know nothing about.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Oh yes oh yes oh yes ... another petty puny tirade, when I just wanted to note the coming of Fall.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">As summer dies down, my garden is still filled with Monarchs and Swallowtails. They love the milkweed, bougainvillea, and the fennel. When the windows by my desk are open, I get at least two Monarchs a day getting stuck. I even bought a butterfly net so that I could more safely urge them on their way. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">I had a terrible night last night, much insomnia I finally found some music that could soothe me out and own, but it must have been around 3 before I fell into a deep sleep. All the kitties are in and Janet has crashed so perhaps I should do the same.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Thinking of you, even when I don't have the wherewithall to post.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p>Sally Anne Syberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18185300944480396559noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1018994113071108306.post-37844839146039512162023-05-24T00:02:00.000-07:002023-05-24T00:02:36.934-07:00GRAPPLING WITH A LUMINOUS DOOM<p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">16 of 100</span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQQ-KnFJSqnaIwVPiTukfl5EJgStjhiTiAgdq-ic57i0PNUPgT2CjQwJQoD4o_pROICh75MlQKVKxb03mJCEKx9uaJCBjFO8yzamOCFDxshi1Ft2fy_KW3JRK0YqsLUGmy1iRimnNOeqr5GXcEbCEkiiOMvmDqJoQdQWk12WsA7ZRlxS-DqfDfDlIepQ/s4032/IMG_8422.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQQ-KnFJSqnaIwVPiTukfl5EJgStjhiTiAgdq-ic57i0PNUPgT2CjQwJQoD4o_pROICh75MlQKVKxb03mJCEKx9uaJCBjFO8yzamOCFDxshi1Ft2fy_KW3JRK0YqsLUGmy1iRimnNOeqr5GXcEbCEkiiOMvmDqJoQdQWk12WsA7ZRlxS-DqfDfDlIepQ/w640-h480/IMG_8422.HEIC" width="640" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Later, May 18th</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">I did not have a good day. I did accomplish some things, progress was made, but I am not sure who was driving. I got up early for me and somehow managed to pop an Adderall around 9am. This is a good practice if I can remember to do it, but mostly I can't. Perhaps I will find another focus that allows me to organize my mornings better. Slowing down on the alcohol intake and not staying up much past 11pm does help. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">For two days, I could not find my medication for depression. Under better or even normal circumstances, I wouldn't think this was a particularly big deal. There are quite a few things that I am trying to understand and/or process right now. My current sense of self is a bit spongy. And, you know, those crazy dreams. Although I was able to put one foot in front of the other, it wasn't clear that there was an actual direction. As is common with biochemical depression, there are surges of some chemicals that make you more or less okay, so one is surfing with oneself all the while. My depression was not about losing love but I still felt like this </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><i><span jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white; color: #202124;">a window in your heart</span><br aria-hidden="true" style="background-color: white; color: #202124;" /><span jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white; color: #202124;">Well, everybody sees you're blown apart</span><br aria-hidden="true" style="background-color: white; color: #202124;" /><span jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white; color: #202124;">Everybody feels the wind blow</span></i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">No one was around to feel the wind blowing but me and that solitude to walk around, my mind and energy a circus, not a ball, of confusion, took a bit of the anxiety away. Cycling in a not pleasant way. Still, I puttered and pottered along, finally able to find my missing antidepressants, whereupon, I pop two. I was feeling wiggy enough to consider calling my psychiatrist and/or my gp to help modulate. This is a rarity. I just kept dodging around my corners, trying to avoid sinkholes or manic highs (not really my style). I was almost as if I were rowing through the day, pulling myself forward, then resting from the effort, and hoping I didn't slide back. I felt hollowed out from my belly to behind my heart.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">And then there was the matter of teaching while I was almost in a fugue state. This is something that you cannot really share with people who aren't professionals or depressives themselves. And now the words to an execrable song come to mind (still tripping here a bit) </span></p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><i>You got to know when to hold 'em</i></span><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><i>Know when to fold 'em</i></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><i><br /></i></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">And know when you have to keep your shit together. And I was. Class was good.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">I am still shaky, my personal re-integration into this current meat suit is not yet complete. However, I will end this for now, hope my dreams are not too intense, and look this over tomorrow.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOUZoi0NnOvSXz6S1bisCcCbjQ-Ih2MkKx6DMTqIdvVEu6Ihcx-V0lNjfffdDjXRboGpUpaZdTiaSclINRUOZ7DuhqAhpCFSWs_MA8_5L6ePqlD7bI7rp9NVWsYQWq-NL2GuzWylYIKUfhRAHfcoGCaXR3IEb2uqER68GrbAcWSsyIvceMFz2dwi0jvg/s4032/IMG_8419.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOUZoi0NnOvSXz6S1bisCcCbjQ-Ih2MkKx6DMTqIdvVEu6Ihcx-V0lNjfffdDjXRboGpUpaZdTiaSclINRUOZ7DuhqAhpCFSWs_MA8_5L6ePqlD7bI7rp9NVWsYQWq-NL2GuzWylYIKUfhRAHfcoGCaXR3IEb2uqER68GrbAcWSsyIvceMFz2dwi0jvg/w480-h640/IMG_8419.HEIC" width="480" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">May 23rd</span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">It just rolls along, that time and tide. My mental/emotional state is marginally better, but those sinkholes open often enough. One of the main factors herein is the amount of care my mother needs. I have to/had to come to terms with not really having much of a life from now until her end. I still had some idea that there was some autonomy or personal life besides taking care of her, but I had to reframe that. I was trying to get her out the door to see her new urologist (she has a UTI) when I happened to see her trying to wipe herself and get up off of the toilet. She's very frail, notwithstanding that she still goes to play dominoes and hang-out with her friends. She's been given a requisition to get some physical therapy at a gym, but I have had so many other niggetity other health issues that I haven't, with my high degree of unmotivated depression, been able to get this together. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">And, of course, I am worried about going away. She needs quite a bit of help on the personal scale (making sure she has pads or diapers, making sure they are where she can find them, her meds, feeding her, helping her with her clothes, washing her clothes, etc etc) I am concerned about leaving her in the care of others. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">That said, I am so beyond fried right now. It is frustrating as I feel we are close to being able to get by but just falling a bit short. I could use a housekeeper/cleaner a few times a month to just get things to a bit higher standard, and someone to spell me and give me a weekend off a month or even just more hours. This is not to say that I don't leave her alone (checking in with her, of course) for some hours, but it would be preferable to have someone in the house. And I know even the current level of freedom is likely to go away.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">In other news, the garden is spectacular, but I do have some work to do before I go away. Yes, and then I am starting to fret about packing and all. How to get to the airport? Can I move some of her doctor's appointments? Will the Janet caregivers take good care of les chats? It's a lot.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Enough worry and grousing. Just giving you a snapshot of "what it is" ... I need to take some allergy meds, my night meds, and get to sleep. Janet has a cardiologist appointment in the morning. Plus, there are two kitties already tucked into my bed.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">SLEEPING IN THE FOREST</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 16px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">I thought the earth</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">remembered me, she</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">took me back so tenderly, arranging</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">her dark skirts, her pockets</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">full of lichen and seeds. I slept</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">as never before, a stone</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">on the riverbed, nothing</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">between me and the white fire of the stars</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">but my thoughts, and they floated</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">light as moths among the branches</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">of the perfect trees. All night</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">I heard the small kingdoms breathing</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">around me, the insects, and the birds</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">who do their work in the darkness. All night</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">I rose and fell, as if in water, grappling</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">with a luminous doom. By morning</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">I had vanished at least a dozen times</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">into something better.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">— Mary Oliver, <i>Sleeping in the Forest</i>, Beacon Press, Boston, 1978</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxyuQSS9120N_rsi9oAa_8y6f19x2vzxCRDprGMXZeFLN67yGcjZVDQYi2j7ZbzytDBylbVl5fEZy48BXT0gJPYygcU5OMZiThcCQFXHUdB9VqSBrGVW86kM-WemdZnx6io0aBQ01viZR8WLglgB4lkwIuZT_Ue7R16w9GiMYaeHhMA3MrjHM7KT_GJA/s4032/IMG_8429.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxyuQSS9120N_rsi9oAa_8y6f19x2vzxCRDprGMXZeFLN67yGcjZVDQYi2j7ZbzytDBylbVl5fEZy48BXT0gJPYygcU5OMZiThcCQFXHUdB9VqSBrGVW86kM-WemdZnx6io0aBQ01viZR8WLglgB4lkwIuZT_Ue7R16w9GiMYaeHhMA3MrjHM7KT_GJA/w480-h640/IMG_8429.HEIC" width="480" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">My excellent neighbor and friend, Sally, with roses from my garden. She told me that she comes over and picks flowers all the time. I was pleased.</span></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p></div>Sally Anne Syberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18185300944480396559noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1018994113071108306.post-33568477105854801622023-05-18T11:48:00.001-07:002023-05-18T11:48:07.044-07:00NO SHELTER FROM THE TONGUES<p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">15 of 100</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEizEc09NIEMCB_FhCT_7BxcVy7as5RzqcIN-EDIpFuM4pxOU_D7MPAHMxFn6QuPo-gkQ76ZR384GnreahAEq5ndJqO1KHs6p7rsBArJXb0l7-JKtDTTTadd-C9Veykswv4Cssgt4Nae3bOxeW10s9IqeiI25kwnUVE4IWIG4F5PFY311TtnGBDRHO704g" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEizEc09NIEMCB_FhCT_7BxcVy7as5RzqcIN-EDIpFuM4pxOU_D7MPAHMxFn6QuPo-gkQ76ZR384GnreahAEq5ndJqO1KHs6p7rsBArJXb0l7-JKtDTTTadd-C9Veykswv4Cssgt4Nae3bOxeW10s9IqeiI25kwnUVE4IWIG4F5PFY311TtnGBDRHO704g=w640-h480" width="640" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">25 April 2023</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">I had a hell of a time getting that #14 post out. It has been so long since I have used my laptop and other devices, that I really had to work to remember how to use it all. I need to sit down and spend some quality time getting my devices to like one another again.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">These days, I spend most of my online time on my iPad, either watching some tv-ish thing, or more likely working on Duolingo French lessons. That takes us quite a bit of time each day, especially if I get competitive. I used to play a lot of NY Times games (Wordle, Crossword, Tiles, Spelling Bee, etc.), but that time is now taken up pretty much by French. As I occasionally write a word in French when I mean English or vice versa, I guess it is setting in. I do need to branch out and to try to find the time to read French. Notwithstanding the piles and shelves of books, I am not doing all that much reading lately.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">The Kermit Place Readers, my Brooklyn book club decided to read Ralph Ellison's <i>Invisible Man</i> as it is the 70th anniversary of that most amazing book. It is one of the hardest books I have ever tried to read. Seriously. It is a mindfuck. Brilliant. So violent and otherworldly in the first half that it is difficult to pick up. You are not reading this book for pleasure. Which is not to say that the writing, the plot, and whole damn thing is not breath-takingly original. But not easy.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">At this point. I am going to check out and head for bed as I have an appointment with my knee surgeon. I get the first appointment so I am in and out of there. Hopefully, it won't be two months before I sit down to write again</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Thursday, May 11</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">I think about you, about writing this every day. Somehow the days go by and I haven't had time to sit down to think and write. My new goal is to find two days a week to write and post. I am hoping that a more specific schedule will prompt me into making the time and doing it. My posting days were going to be Wednesday and Sunday as, in general, those are "more leisurely" days with no yoga classes and less Mom stress. Still all a work in progress, I guess. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Yoga classes are going well. Right now, I have a core group of about five. Things have not picked up so much since my knee surgery notwithstanding having tried to bring former students back in. The ones who do come are just lovely and it is great experience for me even if it is not particularly remunerative. I am also doing online privates on FaceTime so send me a message or an email if you might be interested. Not sure how many more I can do, but worth checking it out.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">French lessons take up a portion of my "free time"; I seem to have lost my ability to sit and read. I am still not finished with I<i>nvisible Man</i>!! And now the Kermit Place Readers have move on to <i>Chérie</i> by Colette. In a not unusual spat of optimism, I bought a dual language edition, but I think I will just have to revert to English to power through. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSaz0qg0Udx60Yh6CJ4w7xg0RqACqlIVYrI5MHyuoEt5aR0ZxucjZaAAT8CA7BOQ24b3DQfbVcg-Gt1l-ys7xREHNmFKad77yvla1mS6LI_G6oRkjF-pIfgU9lty6vcs6FAKm3ZxYYpZCSfxRFsSUbjfb39CW2aCzAfucloYI_ylpYJLVnMogGpZR2kg/s1080/347384679_1449233492499314_7789901421622361607_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSaz0qg0Udx60Yh6CJ4w7xg0RqACqlIVYrI5MHyuoEt5aR0ZxucjZaAAT8CA7BOQ24b3DQfbVcg-Gt1l-ys7xREHNmFKad77yvla1mS6LI_G6oRkjF-pIfgU9lty6vcs6FAKm3ZxYYpZCSfxRFsSUbjfb39CW2aCzAfucloYI_ylpYJLVnMogGpZR2kg/w640-h640/347384679_1449233492499314_7789901421622361607_n.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #050505; text-align: start; white-space: pre-wrap;">A close up of a longhorn beetle's face. Also, how I felt this morning.</span></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">May 18</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Although the sun is not out, the birds are doing their part to encourage me to live, love, laugh, and be happy (nb "<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UOn-uIDk-oE"><i>When the Red Red Robin</i></a>" ... there was a Dion and the Belmonts version which was not tenable). </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">I guess the good news is that I got out of bed and fed the cats and voila! here I am trying to post before I trudge through the day. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">I have been having some terrible, unsettling dreams. In one a couple of days ago, I was drunk and driving my friend Matt's parents brand new red boat-of-a car, careening into things and scratching it mightily. Why Matt's parents, now deceased, car? My current explanation is that Matt's dad was a banker and it was a family clearly comfortable and conservative with assets. I'm the car and in the car, careening around, witlessly, to some disaster (my life? I think yes). Wheeeee but not wheee.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">In other car news, I got my first moving violation since 1975 or so (that one was me driving recklessly and fast up 5 to get to a game at Dodger's Stadium). The violation fee is $480. Ouch seriously. Not to mention the increase in my insurance. Which just adds to the general dread of trying to get by these days. I also went back and looked at my insurance premium in order to teach which is $600. I barely make that much in a year of teaching. To that end, I have applied to teach in the Silver Sneakers program at a local gym. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">I am going through some struggles as evinced in my dream. There was another in which cats I had unwillingly abandoned were thrown in my window as I was going somewhere in a house that moved. One was a beautiful mackerel orange tabby with glowing hazel eyes. I was glad to have him back although he was kind of foaming at the mouth, maybe. And how to pay for a vet? </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Yes, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ypxi69MVItk">money worries</a>.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><i><span style="background-color: white;">Anywhere you go, it's the same cry</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box;" /><span style="background-color: white;">Money worries</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box;" /><span style="background-color: white;">Anywhere you go, it's the same cry</span><br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box;" /><span style="background-color: white;">Money worries</span></i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Janet is deteriorating ... maybe that is just aging. It's the house that is deteriorating and no room in the budget to fix much of anything. I think my focus on gardening is for this reason. I can kind of control and afford it if I am careful. The results are right present. The garden is just beautiful. The first sunflowers and the poppies are winding down, the the delphiniums, cosmos, bachelor's buttons, and roses are jamming. I just go out and get lost in the dirt. About a week ago, on a Saturday, a neighbor was also working on his yard. Being a friendly fellow, Tony came down to kibbitz a few times. I was out there for about seven hours. He finally told me I need to stop. Then he started laughing because I was the dirtiest person he had ever seen. It's true, I did look like I was trying out for a part in <i><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Li%27l_Abner">Li'l Abner</a>.</i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><i><br /></i></span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn6SM6z0_lr85Afr5kQ7OJh3W8jfsAmqz_3mApIoMo35SPX8YuYqJJN7QgDwg5CbbCzfsaLa9FFpXm-ZfU0PyGvFqyWofvIdi3Iz4FbYNP37jRF3kw0guzbhXMotGDaJaMyoncVgrxCkIoHE2ladPvyLP5_7uUsBu7lZZRKUwg_qv9voDIXO0cMSK9DQ/s4032/IMG_8400.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn6SM6z0_lr85Afr5kQ7OJh3W8jfsAmqz_3mApIoMo35SPX8YuYqJJN7QgDwg5CbbCzfsaLa9FFpXm-ZfU0PyGvFqyWofvIdi3Iz4FbYNP37jRF3kw0guzbhXMotGDaJaMyoncVgrxCkIoHE2ladPvyLP5_7uUsBu7lZZRKUwg_qv9voDIXO0cMSK9DQ/w480-h640/IMG_8400.HEIC" width="480" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">LILIES</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">I have been thinking</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">about living<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">like the lilies</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">that blow in the fields.</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">They rise and fall</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">in the wedge of the wind,</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">and have no shelter</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">from the tongues of the cattle,</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">and have no closets or cupboards,</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">and have no legs.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Still I would like to be</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">as wonderful</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">as that old idea.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">But I were a lily</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">I think I would wait all day</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">for the green face</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">of the hummingbird</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">to touch me.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">What I mean is,</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">could I forget myself</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">even in those feathery fields?</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">When Van Gogh</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">preached to the poor</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">of course he wanted to save someone—</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">most of all himself</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">He wasn’t a lily,</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">and wandering through the bright fields</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">only gave him more ideas</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">if would take his life to solve.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">I think I will always be lonely</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">in this world, where the cattle</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">graze like a black and white river—</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">where the ravishing lilies</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">melt, without protest, on their tongues—</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">where the hummingbird, whenever there is a fuss,</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">just rises and floats away.</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">— Mary Oliver, <i>House of Light,</i> Beacon Press, Boston, 1990</span></p>Sally Anne Syberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18185300944480396559noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1018994113071108306.post-56534288195364291052023-04-25T23:00:00.001-07:002023-04-25T23:00:11.679-07:00THERE AIN'T NO PLACE<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9U-e8bRs_PV9qa88tGgKGecn2oJJOCqCWS3_48MedYsBvd9rUSzmvX8s04PeyJRtXi6IlXMd_CPEQDbzKRrOfEzRJUcPKX-WS5K-QBFzD7bACIQlgVFgTGERfhsBWgqxLMRK03tQ0iJeETRFi33ZJb_te_E3esEpWE0Nih531FMj4ITLXwk_UFYjPtg/s1280/IMG_8334.HEIC.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="960" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9U-e8bRs_PV9qa88tGgKGecn2oJJOCqCWS3_48MedYsBvd9rUSzmvX8s04PeyJRtXi6IlXMd_CPEQDbzKRrOfEzRJUcPKX-WS5K-QBFzD7bACIQlgVFgTGERfhsBWgqxLMRK03tQ0iJeETRFi33ZJb_te_E3esEpWE0Nih531FMj4ITLXwk_UFYjPtg/w480-h640/IMG_8334.HEIC.jpeg" width="480" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">14 of 100</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">12 fevrier</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">We are all a bit edgy what with the heater not working and a cold spell back upon us. I have ventured out of my bed to see if I can be useful at all, but between the chill and the cats, I might just go back to bed. In the summer, my office window is open during the day so that the cats can come and go as they like. However, they don't seem to think anything of the weather, so they just jump up and request to go out or come in with obnoxious frequency.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Idrisse, in particular, is a crazy-making kitty. She will pound on my bedroom window should I be on my bed. When I go to the backdoor to let her in, she sits on top of the cabinet adjacent to the kitchen door to ponder whether she does want to come in or if she would rather stay outside. Some of her rumination is due to fear of Vera, however, I attribute most of it to her exercising what she thinks of as her kitty rights to be indecisive. The other cats are more forthwith about their comings and goings, which is generally related to food, although sometimes inclement weather can influence them.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Last week on Wednesday, I spoke to one of the domineers, Joseph, and he did not sound very well. When queried he said he felt fine. Yesterday, Diane called to say that he was in ICU due to covid and pneumonia. Why are we all so reluctant to see to our health? Meanwhile, Janet has been hacking off her head today. I think she needs to stop drinking coffee as I think this cough is acid reflux. I found some omeprazole and Claritin to give her, the Claritin having been recommended by her doctor. The incessant coughing gets on my last nerve and all of those in between.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">I also had a very frustrating day with my French study. I just kept messing up which, of course, made me mess up more. I think I need to go read some English and ice my knee. To be continued. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">The next morning.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Janet is still hacking although it has subsided somewhat due to the administration of hot black cherry tea and Vicks Vapor Rub. McCoy is clicking around the house because he staid inside for breakfast instead of running out with Fox and Nina. I would get up, probably, but Vera and Bebop have me somewhat pinned down. I probably won’t be able to stand Janet’s coughing for much longer. Or those cat nails on hardwood floors signalling the call of the wild.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">The day started out somewhat warmer and sunnier, which did give me some hope for a warmer day. That, however, has gone and I believe the temperature is dropping. I’d like to get Janet in the shower, but I am afraid she would get colder without benefit of the heater. I don’t need the complaining. <span>At any rate, I should get up as Janet is getting a visit from a PT and I need to clean the carpet and straighten up.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><span>In better news, I haven’t taken any pain pills but my knee is not hurting. I am still very very stiff <span>when I get up. <span>I slept deliciously late, having a dream about a yoga studio where the questionnaire about previous experience pissed me off mightily. I was yelling at and humiliating people. Very Zen of me. Sigh. I would prefer to continue to stay cuddled with Vera and Bebop, practice my French and then read some more of <i>Monkey Boy</i>, but I have things to attend to. I will do a little French before I get up.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><span><span><span>15 March 2023</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><span><span><span>The relentless rain has relented enough for the hummingbirds to venture out for some food. The wisteria is blooming notwithstanding the inclement weather. As I look out into the yard, all I see is relentless wet and green. Weeds as high as an elephant's eye.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><span><span><span>Been a long month. </span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><span><span><span>Joseph shared his covid with Janet and she, in turn, shared it with me. Although she is 96, I became more ill than she. My first night I was crazy feverish, aching, moaning, and throwing off all the covers. I tested positive for a good two weeks and was down for most of that time, missing physical therapy and everything else. Except French. Every day, the French. Saigon, I'm still only in Saigon.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><span><span><span>Must fly now for a doctor's appointment.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><span><span><span>25 April 2023</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><span><span><span>Finishing this post is what is getting in the way of writing more. So here goes.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><span><span><span></span></span></span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><span><span><span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6uJag_XYyk9FHMpXLF-1afhDfmKvCaOiXS9D_PHJ107oZGtVllVTIPzW4nU40pjPYX_9NltJXvF52B8S7eY0HWyjdbn6kRL28j54T0dYX6fKBYgU99K_EKRo3_nGhoabGkolXgguDvRdcrrcXdv4GOF4CcP1mQRgfSMJDh1RI7-mQNBJuIjIWD7iMQg/s4032/IMG_8239.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6uJag_XYyk9FHMpXLF-1afhDfmKvCaOiXS9D_PHJ107oZGtVllVTIPzW4nU40pjPYX_9NltJXvF52B8S7eY0HWyjdbn6kRL28j54T0dYX6fKBYgU99K_EKRo3_nGhoabGkolXgguDvRdcrrcXdv4GOF4CcP1mQRgfSMJDh1RI7-mQNBJuIjIWD7iMQg/w640-h480/IMG_8239.jpeg" width="640" /></a></span></span></span></span></div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><span><span><span><br /></span></span></span></span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><span><span><span><br /></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><span><span><span><br /></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><span><span><span><br /></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><span><span><span><br /></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><span><span><br /><span><br /></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><span><span><span><br /></span></span></span></span></p>Sally Anne Syberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18185300944480396559noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1018994113071108306.post-70055858739955326782023-02-12T00:02:00.002-08:002023-02-12T00:11:26.971-08:00AS INTO DAYS<p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">13 of 100</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">11 fevrier</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Although it is entirely unruly and overgrown, there is some beauty in the backyard out my desk window. A bright orange tabby cannot fail to be striking against a nearly neon green of the wild grass and the tangelo tree. The vine that has a name like "carolina" is budding little yellow flowers and beginning to bloom. Out of the other window the wisteria is budding like mad. The neighbor's purple bougainvillea stands out against the gray stormy sky, and what ho! Fox has jumped up there to add another color dimension.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">I did manage to garden in the front yesterday. The knee made it pretty difficult to move. I hadn't realized how often I needed to get up and down. I seemed to make appropriate accommodations, though I experienced some bad pain and stiffness last night, the discomfort went away. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Patrick and I are having breakfast this morning with two of our former Kava friends, Vicky and Rita. We keep trying to make plans but something always comes up. Until anon.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Almost tomorrow.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Breakfast was delicioso and muy rica Mexican food. None of us could finish breakfast as we ate too many warm chips and fantastic salsa. Patrick's burrito was ginormous. So much for light eating. We were all happy to see one another again. Vicky and Rita used to come to the Saturday Yoga Wall class which was very small and that is where we got acquainted. Turns out they are screaming Democrats as well, so we had a lot to chat about. Hope to see them again sooner than later.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">After physical therapy, I came home and accidentally turned off the pilot light for the floor furnace. This was a bad move on my part. Janet stands over the heater several times a day at this time of year. And, it is a little bit colder today. Patrick walked over with a small space heater. I just bundled up or got under the covers. The gas company comes on Wednesday. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Speaking of which, our gas bill was $250 last month which is three times normal. Janet is always cold and just turns up the heater as high as she likes. I cannot get her to dress more warmly, no matter than I try.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">I didn't really get anything done in the world of progress today. I did quite a bit of Duolingo French and read my next Kermit Place Readers book, <i>Monkey Boy</i> by Francisco Goldman. This is rather the perfect book for the moment, being just literate enough to be engaging but not daunting. I am very much of a mind to keep on reading, but the cousins are taking out Janet for a belated birthday breakfast tomorrow. We need to be down there at 10:00 (Coffee Cup in Long Beach), so I will need to get Janet up around 8. Which means I need to be up then. Vera is already curled up on my pillow, which I prefer to her sleeping on my legs or feet, particularly as I am not yet comfortable with my new knee. </span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIgiuropUKK7HzmWwdSbV_-sfjODbCY5HW5nmM3olU_D2FSUItScAGTHfzNycQIadDAKVcVbgjuCntQGJsfjhzaucMXlTUdLPe05OM83QWZ47r89EuPbALxSS38djBCzKQ4Y9oCEzvymtXg1UHfuKNboP4HwQhHLEaJ2QESUD-UWcRLFnqyrTZcR-2mg/s4032/7D918D9A-E260-43D9-8B7D-DD27B2DFA6DA.heic" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIgiuropUKK7HzmWwdSbV_-sfjODbCY5HW5nmM3olU_D2FSUItScAGTHfzNycQIadDAKVcVbgjuCntQGJsfjhzaucMXlTUdLPe05OM83QWZ47r89EuPbALxSS38djBCzKQ4Y9oCEzvymtXg1UHfuKNboP4HwQhHLEaJ2QESUD-UWcRLFnqyrTZcR-2mg/w640-h480/7D918D9A-E260-43D9-8B7D-DD27B2DFA6DA.heic" width="640" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span><p></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">PLACES I CIRCLE BACK TO</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">The first time no one listened</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">becomes that home I seek</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">again and again when I</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">speak, thinking each time</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">my voice carries —</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">it vanishes in others’</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">visible breath. I haven’t found</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">a room I can fill.</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Outside, plants grow and shed leaves</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">where they find themselves, and the horses</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">stamp at flies without a trace</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">of anger. Sometimes I vanish</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">comfortably under the sun</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">and undivided sky</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">while puddles shrink</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">invisibly after days of rain</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">leaving, instead of dust, a mud</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">that holds everything in place —</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">this is how the ground gives up</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">the moisture that has come</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">and come to it beyond</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">what it can drink. A blessed</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">tiredness. As sometimes when I’m reading</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">and the words pull themselves together into a story —</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">into a person more right than wrong</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">in a recognizable dilemma —</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">someone not blurred by decisions</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">or divided into faulty halves</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">but leaning into</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">her fate, one long dance,</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">as into a day of work. As into</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">days of work we seek</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">and do and seek respite from, to</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">tell ourselves we are really here.</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">— Leslie Ullman, <i>Dreams by No One’s Daughter,</i> University of Pittsburg Press, Pittsburgh, PA 1987</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p>Sally Anne Syberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18185300944480396559noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1018994113071108306.post-42175174881630379222023-02-07T00:23:00.001-08:002023-02-07T00:39:31.334-08:00ONE CORNER AT A TIME<p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">12 of 100</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">six de fevrier</span></p><p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQsmjBj3pxwIy7oFqfqe0T-bEttu3x-MF3GMcj73I30tXRQsZv6g1XnZn6Lp6wsL3XIEhEDkjsLoN9fYFEZa_V6GoG3Kr7GAT4U_UVimOTtVTUw-Km4j_Vq0FRqclIu-JC8l-nfpV5fNQZdNz-9n1zX6Xu7iP02VshXwyiUTHu7xlXAaC_b0mQrblYVQ/s4032/9711BF75-9982-47DE-BF8C-79343FCF4324.heic" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQsmjBj3pxwIy7oFqfqe0T-bEttu3x-MF3GMcj73I30tXRQsZv6g1XnZn6Lp6wsL3XIEhEDkjsLoN9fYFEZa_V6GoG3Kr7GAT4U_UVimOTtVTUw-Km4j_Vq0FRqclIu-JC8l-nfpV5fNQZdNz-9n1zX6Xu7iP02VshXwyiUTHu7xlXAaC_b0mQrblYVQ/w640-h480/9711BF75-9982-47DE-BF8C-79343FCF4324.heic" width="640" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Janet had a doctor's appointment this morning, a little on the early side for us. It felt more on the early side as I am just not falling asleep as soon as I would like to. Like now. I might not have mentioned this before, but Janet will often fall into a ditty or a song, even when you would rather she did not. For instance, at dinner in a restaurant. Or just sitting in her chair, rocking. This morning, trying to calmly wrangle her into getting dressed on this accelerated schedule, I found over the heater and not in her bedroom getting ready. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Since there has been talk of a nursing home, I have been infinitely nicer to her and far more patient. Which is not to say that I am always patient. But no notable yelling or scolding in quite awhile, although I will own up to a bark or two. Instead of calling her from the doorway to get up, I've been sitting down on the bed and making up songs of my own. Nothing I can remember, of course. Turns out she responds to this better than being spoken to in a sharp tone. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">At any rate, she started reciting/singing, "</span><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";">Have you ever been in the shade/ with marmalade?" as if it were a 1940's standard. She asked me if I knew that song. I think she made it up.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";">We made it to the doctor's office in fine time, even after a quick stop at Patrick's to drop off my vehicle registration (he's borrowing my stick shift Fit) and pick up my dry laundry (still no dryer). The doctor's office was busy, of a Monday, with plenty of older folks and wheelchairs. We were sitting in the office waiting room when a trio sat near us. The family relationships were not easy to discern. One person was very old, in a wheelchair, and bent over as it straightening up was no longer an option. (It sounds as if there are chipmunks in the kitchen making that cccccaaaaacccing sound. Now cats are fighting, which is odd because Vera Paris is usually beating up Idrisse when that happens.) </span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";">At any rate, one old person coached the wheelchair person about doctor's office etiquette: "I don't want you singing, and I don't want you farting, okay?"</span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";">Today has not been a good one, pain wise. I finally took an oxycodone (and some single malt scotch). I got some relief right away, but I just looked at my knee and it all looked red and swollen. I did not do much of anything but walk around quite a bit. I always have errands to run, things to clean, etc. Difficult to NOT do those things. I have an ice pack on my knee right now, but my ankle and foot look a bit more swollen than in recent days. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";">So I was in a crabby, pernicious low-level pain wet cat mood all day. I misplaced my (add your own expletives here) Apple Earbuds. They are so hard to keep track of. In a household of playful animals, one never knows who found what and how they might have played with them. This frustrates me incredibly as I know I saw them yesterday when I recharged them. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";">This pain (not severe but there) and the whole healing process are getting to me. I just cannot move around as I would like. I am not capable of doing as much as I would like to be doing. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";">Reading, though, reading is good. Finished the Marcella Hazan memoir and moved on to <i>Sister Novelists: The Trailblazing Porter Sisters Who Paved the Way for Austen and The Brontes</i>. Fun read. Besides this which is most enjoyable if very long (440 pages), I have my French workbook, a poetry anthology (<i>The Yale Younger Poets Anthology</i>), <i>Berlin Diaries 1940-1945</i> (Marie Vassiltchikov), <i>Last September</i> (Helen Rose Hull), and Jane Gardam's <i>A Long Way From Verona,</i> taking up bed space. Bebop does not approve of the bed space being used thus.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";"> </span><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";">MEMO</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Touch was all.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Many nights of touch</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">and only yourself to trust.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Your hands led you</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">through caverns of other hands.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">You brought nothing from the journeys,</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">lost nothing each time the mind</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">took back its roots,</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">learned nothing<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">when people withdrew with pieces</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">of what you thought was heart.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">The hands set out plates, opened cans.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Your age arrived, one corner</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">at a time. The familiar hungers turned</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">their backs. Only the hands</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">kept up with you,</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">folding the loose garments,</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">fingering the sheets</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">on the thin bed, showing more and more</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">of their frame, their muscle.</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">— Leslie Ullman, <i>Natural Histories</i>, Yale University Press, 1979</span></p>Sally Anne Syberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18185300944480396559noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1018994113071108306.post-23173350741878567662023-02-05T23:11:00.004-08:002023-02-05T23:15:09.107-08:00DELIGHT DOES NOT MAKE THE HEART CHILDISH<p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">11 of 100</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">5 de fevrier</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Another morning wherein I had a lot of ideas about writing. Clearly, given that it is 10:00pm, that did not come to pass. Whatever philosophy I planned to impart has disappeared in the washes of the day. Cannot remember a single thing.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">I've come to realize that Fox is actually Fred Flintstone. If not Fred, then one of those other demanding, hollering tv husbands of yesteryear. Whenever he comes into the house, he starts yelling for food or who knows what. I know he thinks of me as Wilma. I think that constant miaouing is one of the reason I have a certain level of disdain for him. I know this is not rational as he is a cat, but I can only handle so many demanding beings at a time.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">When I was growing up, I thought marriages were like the Kramdens or the Flintstones. I thought it was acceptable for men to come in yelling and demeaning to the left and to the right. Janet had to disabuse me of the notion that it was okay for husbands to hit wives. My father was not much of a yeller and certainly not physically abusive, but he could demean in subtle and unsubtle ways. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Janet's birthday was pretty good. Christina, Patrick, and I took her to The Bread Lounge in the LA Arts District. Very good pastry. Very good tuna salad. Very good bread. Cool place. Janet insisted on singing Happy Birthday to herself. The whole restaurant joined in and then clapped for her. Whereupon she shouted that she was 96 and could stand on her head. Instead, she tried to put her foot behind her ear. She didn't manage it, but she did a better job than the vast majority of us. Of course, at this moment, the very thought of that makes me wince.</span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjh59E1dLgljjJ5SXm8rbMSt1KGb-gMuInxa9ACPqXuCbLom66DWgM8d7mQ3-3rcskzAfs3F_rf9BSjuWd7s_V4sSAtQBTrAGspkNGGDTdJOs8wz8dKUvXFDQxLC64qob5NoQ3saYgNkArZQX-X-PinCixysMCdYKkWqFgDdTF5BxYN5rl9cgt_QLpoNA/s2048/IMG_6300.heic.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjh59E1dLgljjJ5SXm8rbMSt1KGb-gMuInxa9ACPqXuCbLom66DWgM8d7mQ3-3rcskzAfs3F_rf9BSjuWd7s_V4sSAtQBTrAGspkNGGDTdJOs8wz8dKUvXFDQxLC64qob5NoQ3saYgNkArZQX-X-PinCixysMCdYKkWqFgDdTF5BxYN5rl9cgt_QLpoNA/w640-h480/IMG_6300.heic.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";">100 people on FB wished her happy birthday including famous people Dave Alvin, cartoonist Mimi Pond, and director Tim Hunter. Probably more than I will get.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">There's a big week of physical therapy, doctor's appointments and such this week and it is getting on late, although I am pretty interested in the Bernie Madoff documentary on Netflix. I don't think I did a single chore today, save laundry, cat feeding, and finding my car registration sticker. </span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">GLISTENING</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">As I pull the bucket from the crude well,</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">the water changes from dark to a light</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">more silver than the sun. When I pour it</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">over my body that is standing in the dust</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">by the oleander bush, it sparkles easily</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">in the sunlight with an earnestness like</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">the spirit close up. The water magnifies</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">the sun all along the length of it.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Love is not less because of the spirit.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Delight does not make the heart childish.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">We thought the blood thinned, our weight</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">lessened, that our substance was reduced</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">by simple happiness. The oleander is thick</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">with leaves and flowers because of spilled</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">water. Let the spirit marry the heart.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">When I return naked to the stone porch,</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">there is no one to see me glistening.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">But I look at the almond tree with its husks</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">cracking open in the heat. I look down</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">the whole mountain to the sea. Goats bleating</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">faintly and sometimes bells. I stand there</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">a long time with the sun and the quiet,</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">the earth moving slowly as I dry in the light.</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">— Linda Gregg, <i>The Sacraments of Desire</i>, Graywolf Press, Saint Paul, Minnesota, 1991</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p>Sally Anne Syberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18185300944480396559noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1018994113071108306.post-77412577165714004852023-02-04T23:48:00.001-08:002023-02-04T23:48:42.553-08:00A HANDSOME OFFER<p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"></span></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiC5rVI_6gnvoj0qwi8KRtPNCP_qzj3JQHWKLMaiGvOPR4hIwqYuCC74OHU4fBzD97uXWq96TBMtj7tE_jbtdvO_O7t9NLzMtud5V9BHz5lzuWvyQNgFQAY_TVcxr7VJkaYiJPJcyH7Hx7g5bbUXNLCUaQiE-dHRELLR9q91idUIRIqhwvQwauLHMWRaA/s4032/EBA25E07-9A49-44F1-9175-32BD1A97708E.jpeg" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiC5rVI_6gnvoj0qwi8KRtPNCP_qzj3JQHWKLMaiGvOPR4hIwqYuCC74OHU4fBzD97uXWq96TBMtj7tE_jbtdvO_O7t9NLzMtud5V9BHz5lzuWvyQNgFQAY_TVcxr7VJkaYiJPJcyH7Hx7g5bbUXNLCUaQiE-dHRELLR9q91idUIRIqhwvQwauLHMWRaA/w640-h480/EBA25E07-9A49-44F1-9175-32BD1A97708E.jpeg" width="640" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span>Here's that picture of a cute Vera I wanted to post last time.</span></td></tr></tbody></table><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">10 of 100</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">I sauntered into the office/guestroom thinking to knuckle down to do some focussed writing, but opted for updating my OS. My friend Michael in Oakland is a bachelor for the weekend, so he had time to wander around our little worlds of interest for more than an hour. But the pain in the knee was beginning to increase and I don't want to stay up too late so we rung off, far from exhausting our conversational powers.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">This healing business is tough. My pain med use is maybe too low. I think I took 440mg of Alleve all day. Tomorrow, I will be more attentive and not try to go without. The deep depression aided by oxycodone just freaked me out and then again, I might be trying to be a tough guy. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Healing is boring. I have not been attentive enough to my physical therapy, either. I move around a fair amount and I do a few reps of this and that. I don't think it is enough. Perhaps I am in some kind of denial, although I look at the proof in the form of a ropy scar at least twice a day when I apply the scar treatment that the sweeties known as Kaye and Bruce sent to me.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">I'm still trying to do a few chores every day. I have set myself a higher bar in that I am hosting another dinner party in two weeks. Debee did enough housework so that even a bit more effort pays off. Wish I had some money to get someone in to help do some spring cleaning. It's fun to have a lot of cool stuff, but then you have to dust it!</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">I'm staying true to my French studies, branching out from Duolingo which can get boring, to an old-fashioned workbook. It's good to practice skills in another way. I found a French dictionary which is now parked bedside so that I can pick up one of the books Lydia gave me. I find looking up words on the internet far more cumbersome and less efficient. When you look up thing in a French dictionary, you get the advantage of just looking at other French words and perhaps picking up something else along the way.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">My cats thank my recent and upcoming houseguests for their insistence on decent sleeping accommodations. Nina and McCoy particularly like stretching out on their own beds. I have no companions at the moment, but I imagine Bebop and Vera will find their way before the night is out. This is better as my chances for finding a comfortable place to sleep are greatly improved sans felines. (Reading my mind and always needing to be contrary, Vera just came in. At least she hasn't tried to climb onto my chest for purring and drooling, but that is always a possibility.)</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Last night, Janet and I went to the Friday Night Dinner at the Mediterranean restaurant with the rest of the crew. I have only been once since I had surgery. There was a celebration for Janet's birthday (tomorrow). Every one was so nice and Janet so clearly enjoyed and connected with people, I might have cried. They are so accommodating, helping her get appetizers, keeping her water filled, and pretty much responding to all the other redemandquests she makes. One couple invited us all over and served her cake and coffee. I nearly tear up as I write this. We haven't known them long, yet they are fond enough of her to extend extra hospitality. I need to remember the kindnesses that exist out there.</span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibFhyrK3hMp1GtcyNZ-djaj0KeoQxiWMx-m_6OrGkNLU191Q5s3n0Qk79Kf24I-llILWYyGd7Uy9j3AJXH0QGofbsEKZx2_Py_yLY28GeSAdQGLQiX9llXc504QTaZHBsRwDFMNVnps3sWppQbCYKREus_OWkvOBlnTTRnddy5yJbb8A3meZvhPlXuZg/s4032/0F6A9881-7E5C-4C12-868A-CA0A10851AA5.heic" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibFhyrK3hMp1GtcyNZ-djaj0KeoQxiWMx-m_6OrGkNLU191Q5s3n0Qk79Kf24I-llILWYyGd7Uy9j3AJXH0QGofbsEKZx2_Py_yLY28GeSAdQGLQiX9llXc504QTaZHBsRwDFMNVnps3sWppQbCYKREus_OWkvOBlnTTRnddy5yJbb8A3meZvhPlXuZg/w480-h640/0F6A9881-7E5C-4C12-868A-CA0A10851AA5.heic" width="480" /></span></a></div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /><span><br /></span></span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">When my next-door neighbor Sally noticed that I wasn't around and there was a different car in the driveway, she checked in to make sure all was well. I told her I had just had surgery, etc. Forty-five minutes later, the doorbell rang and there stood Sally and her daughter Sydney. In their arms were flowers, chocolates, and a bottle of wine. Kindness. And on this side, gratitude.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">(After a brief stop on my chest, Vera is spread across my feet and working on her grooming.)</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">A couple of people responded to the issue of downsizing. My friend Kathleen Hulser responded with </span></p><p dir="ltr" id="docs-internal-guid-d6d48353-7fff-ca26-de52-1e4217347eae" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><span style="font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span>HOUSEHOLD CIVILIZATION</span></span><span style="font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">Implements of our lives</span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">the toothbrush that</span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">teaches gums a lesson.</span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">The snow shovel that</span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">lives the bite of icy crust.</span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">The wandering car key,</span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">a nomad hiding in odd spaces.</span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">The music stand holding</span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">scores on a slant</span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">or more often</span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">coats, hats, and shoulder bags.</span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">Each object a key</span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">unlocking small scale facets of life</span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">idiosyncratic and universal</span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">the material culture</span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">of household civilization.</span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">— Kathleen Hulser, 12/28/22</span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">HOME IS OUR MUSEUM</span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 19px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">We are stuff, memory haunts things we save as though feeling can endow objects with immortality. Home is a museum: material culture of our lives collected and preserved.</span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">The Museum of T-shirts, faded and spotted, folded in drawers. Just part of the ludicrously numerous shirts waiting to make a jailbreak from the bureau. Antique pens from defunct banks, tire shop, pet boutiques, and eager solar salesmen. </span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"><br />
</span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">In the Pantry Gallery souvenirs from foreign delegations line up for state dinners. Rare spices from the East, the urn of Za’ater, the scoops of yellow and red lentils in their Sahadi packaging testify to menus concocted for the lactose intolerant, the fatophobe, the halal and the kosher, the vegan and the paleo. Ancient grains from amaranth to farro jostle the bale jars of quinoa and pearl barley. Tapenade, caponata, bruschetta and pesto rub shoulders with balsamic vinegar and Extra-Virgin Olive Oil in seductive bottles. </span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 16px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">The Gallery of Apparitions where numinous remains lurk in forgotten corners. A dog collar with a rabies tag still attached features hair caught in the weave. Along with dog show trophies from obedience trials of the 1960s, the prize-winning Louis Douze poses in a charcoal portrait. A modern meso-American face jug complements the ashes of its owner still in a tin box urn stashed in a New Yorker magazine tote. A vivid self-portrait with pixie cut red hair is mom’s only known painting.</span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 16px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">
</span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">The Coffee Cup Collection: tall, short, bulging, insulated in purple, blue brushed chrome, and red trim. Boot Hill: zipped, laced, lined – with tread to squelch mud and grip ice. The garbology tombs. Waste bins, old pretzel cans, gift popcorn barrels, wicker hampers, Shaker baskets, pastel resin bathroom chuck-it away, all bowing to the kitchen’s imperial shine, an aluminum skyscraper with step pedal. In every room a handsome offer to discard everything.</span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">— Kathleen Hulser, 1/8/23</span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">HOME IS OUR WEATHER</span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">Sheltered cove or eye of the hurricane</span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">Home is our weather.</span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">Contrary winds</span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">blowing pictures askew,</span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">snuffing candles</span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">before meekly yielding</span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">to the calming blanket</span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">of prevailing affection.</span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">Love currents tame waves from below.</span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">Depth takes white caps by the hand</span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">and sets them</span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">on the forgiving couch of togetherness.</span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">Home is our weather.</span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">
</span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;">— Kathleen Hulser, 12/11/22</span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0NFEi4Orlfu9yeCLFDviEln2oAYYXuPQlZu85hmVUK3VuL5vCltjc8GsoiPEtPEagmbV4kQWX_JP6l1hiyBlPeKN4Oc9ygXu31P7gOK7IykIhjC8J-N0fh4X5VsyYdg4J2o5YV9fKmqFW01AqQVg93uZucMDYCqbVwqdxfC2YECuNO9SdV8qo6mhzCA/s4032/C5A95C1A-BC76-48AF-94A1-2E8C1ECF4A33.heic" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0NFEi4Orlfu9yeCLFDviEln2oAYYXuPQlZu85hmVUK3VuL5vCltjc8GsoiPEtPEagmbV4kQWX_JP6l1hiyBlPeKN4Oc9ygXu31P7gOK7IykIhjC8J-N0fh4X5VsyYdg4J2o5YV9fKmqFW01AqQVg93uZucMDYCqbVwqdxfC2YECuNO9SdV8qo6mhzCA/w640-h480/C5A95C1A-BC76-48AF-94A1-2E8C1ECF4A33.heic" width="640" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span><p></p><div><span style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></div>Sally Anne Syberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18185300944480396559noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1018994113071108306.post-8709768337498286992023-02-01T23:02:00.001-08:002023-02-01T23:02:19.714-08:00SPACES WE LEAVE EMPTY?<p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"> 9 of 100</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">le premier jour de fevrier</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjXfkDAsK8N3meBlmGzYrrOd6_mtsVPKchCzBrt3d3kuOZEqEP__4sfDx1bguZooeO5vm7Yd8TmRVs40c6YcWyd_BoZNrJb7UfeMT5SqeAzXeXOTFf2RZHIxDJRAWZ4WbYWfm-yhSQjaMo_oqllbRLFeI3iHdrm6UywFATfLWwtUP6pwsvJ52EeohLTA/s4032/FF165D84-108C-4BCC-9DD9-1F5A6382FABA.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjXfkDAsK8N3meBlmGzYrrOd6_mtsVPKchCzBrt3d3kuOZEqEP__4sfDx1bguZooeO5vm7Yd8TmRVs40c6YcWyd_BoZNrJb7UfeMT5SqeAzXeXOTFf2RZHIxDJRAWZ4WbYWfm-yhSQjaMo_oqllbRLFeI3iHdrm6UywFATfLWwtUP6pwsvJ52EeohLTA/w480-h640/FF165D84-108C-4BCC-9DD9-1F5A6382FABA.jpeg" width="480" /></span></a></div><p></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";">In my morning drowsy cocoon, one cat under the covers, another curled at my hip, I looked the top of my dresser piled with miscellaneous scarves, earrings, cloth bandages from my knee, and then over to a glass fronted bookshelf only to wonder who do I think I am. Who do I think I am with all these possessions, most of them non-functional. And just in general, who do I think I am? Stay tuned as I AM clueless at the moment. Cats to be fed, bladder to be emptied, mother to be motivated.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";">Much later.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";">I meant to start a conversation with Wendy on the topic of stuff and identity. However, as we often are, we scurried to the catch-up corners of our various friends lives, our own lives, and looking around. Wendy grew up on the other side of LA and has not spent much time in my LA County world. I took her around to the schools I attended, showed her some of the "historical" sights and gave a short running commentary on growing up around here. We then jetted down to Long Beach for lunch at The Coffee Cup, a quick tour of my Long Beach haunts, some excellent Mexican pastries at a bakery she knew about and then home. She had not been here since Carl died and thought the house looked "super cute." That was nice to hear since I am so loathe to let people in.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";">I did come home with an aching knee and some tiredness. I watched an HGTV show about this male couple who refurbish and decorate REALLY crappy homes in Detroit. I appreciate their effort, even if I don't always appreciate the results. This one, Bargain Block (?), is better than so many of the HGTV shows. We all love a good renovation, don't we? They give us hope for ourselves.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";">I tried to take a nap this afternoon, although my discomfort rather prevented that (which does not bode well for the sleep I intend to undertake shortly). I did close my eyes and begin to listen to the audiobook of Bono's memoir <i>Surrender</i> (we will see how far I get. I will never make it all the way through the Jim Thorpe book on this check out, so I might return it early anyway.), I thought about all the stuff so many of us have, particularly those of us we are loathe to self-categorize as baby boomers. I thought that all the stuff, belongings, trash, artifacts, THE ALL OF US, is rather like another </span><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">casualty of WWII. That young generation lived through the depression, went to war, came back high on life and consumption, further fueled by the military industrial complex and big industry who wanted to continue their war profiteering, and we children of that thought that buying would solve something, fill something, tell us something about ourselves.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">I freely admit that this is neither a well-thought out nor well-written thesis. It was just a thought I had and wanted to work on putting down as I despair for myself and so many I know who are just caught up in stuff. <br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">I need to wind down from screen time. I had a very cute picture of Vera under the covers to illustrate this post, but could not figure out how to add it. Something is wanky with my laptop so ... you'll have to do with the cooperative picture of McCoy.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">SPACES WE LEAVE EMPTY</span></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">The jade slipped from my wrist</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">with the smoothness of water</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">leaving the mountains,</span></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">silk falling from a shoulder,</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">melon slices sliding across a tongue,</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">the fish returning.</span></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">The bracelet worn since my first birthday</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">cracked into thousand-year-old eggshells.</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">The sound could be heard</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">ringing across the water</span></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">where my mother woke in her sleep crying thief.</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Her nightgown slapped in the wind</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">as he howled clutching his hoard.</span></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">The cultured pearls.</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">The bone flutes.</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">The peppermint discs of jade.</span></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">The clean hole</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">in the center, Heaven:</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">the spaces we leave empty.</span></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">— Cathy Song, <i>Picture Wife</i>, Yale University Press, New Haven, 1983</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";"><br /></span></p>Sally Anne Syberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18185300944480396559noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1018994113071108306.post-58498198585579845112023-01-31T23:48:00.001-08:002023-01-31T23:48:07.762-08:00UNDER THE JANUARY WIRE<p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"> 8 of 100</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">31 de janvier</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">I am running behind on my posts.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">I stopped taking oxycodone as I am pretty sure it was adding to my despair. Things are bad enough without chemical encouragement to complete darkness and despair.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Not a lot going on, neither in life nor my thinking. I am well enough to not feel comfortable lolling around in bed. My pain is pretty low and I am able to go long periods of time without any meds. Going to bed is harder as it is not always easy to get comfortable. The cats and covers complicate matters. It can take awhile to fall asleep. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Janet is doing relatively well. She never wants to get out of bed in the morning (no news there for any of us). She flip flops on going to play dominoes but generally settles on going. That is, until we are nearly there and then she wants to know why I am making her go.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">I am getting around well, although I tire more easily. I managed to get to AAA to get my temporary disabled placard, do three loads of laundry, return library books, practice Duolingo French, get in a nap, and start reading Marcella Hazan’s <i>Amarcord: Marcella Remembers</i>. It’s an easy and pleasant read, taking no toll on the brain. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Janet just went through a coughing spell. I had to make her a hot lemon and honey "tisane" which usually calms the phlegm. She keeps apologizing for living so long. I tell her that this is not necessary.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">When I was informed that one of her children thinks she should go into a death accelerator (also known as an inexpensive nursing home), I suddenly changed my attitude about her. Which is probably a good thing. Trying to be nicer and more patient, although that doesn't always happen. I have some short fuses.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">I need to take some pain meds and get to sleep. My friend Wendy is making an across-town pilgrimage to see me in my hour of pain and need. I am oddly ambivalent about healing so rapidly, as I did not get in my hours of narrative series watching, writing, or reading accomplished and now I must to the many other chores of my life. </span></p>Sally Anne Syberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18185300944480396559noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1018994113071108306.post-26074396760285906062023-01-29T23:04:00.002-08:002023-01-29T23:04:34.960-08:00MIGHTY PAINFUL<p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"> 7 of 100</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Jan 22</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">At least the neighbors are playing George Clinton and Parliament loud. I gave Luz a bunch of music on a flash drive last summer and this could well be some of what I put on it. But then again it could be Spotify.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">I just got back from a shopping expedition, captained by my cousin Christina. There were drugs to pick up at Target and some grocery necessities to get at Trader Joe's. And then Christina had the great idea of getting hot dogs at Der Weinerschnitzel. I cannot recall the last time I ate at one, but this was a case of the right junk food at the right time. Very satisfying. Now for pain meds, ice pack, and maybe napping.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">jeudi le vingt-six de janvier</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Yes, I have been assiduously doing my DuoLingo French. My pronunciation is finally beginning to improve but is far off from acceptable. I found an app that would let me practice the alphabet but I have yet to get much use of it.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">On Sunday, probably shortly after I began this, I was in bed piled with blankets and cats.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">26 janvier</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">In the meantime, I will have to get back to that story. Debee came back on Monday to help out with me and Janet. I am reasonably mobile and can pretty easily take care of myself, but I do get tired. Some days, like today, I am in more pain and don't want to do much save sleep, read, and study French. Debee loves my mom more than I do and is quite patient with her. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">On Tuesday, we were trying to get Janet in the process of dressing and out to lunch when she started vomiting. The vomiting went on for the better part of an hour. Thank all goddesses that Debee was here. Being a mom and having been married to a pediatric oncologist, she is damn near a nurse herself. At one point, Janet was on the point of choking on her vomit as she had gone to lie down. Debee was there, Johnny-on-the-spot, rubbing her back and cooing at her. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">We decided Janet needed to go to the ER. She will be 96 in a few days and you can't mess around with waiting at that age. Debee (mostly) and Patrick were able to get her into the car while I managed to dress myself. The ER was rockin' and full tilt crazy, even at noon on a Tuesday. They wouldn't even let her sit in the waiting room because of her nausea so we sat in the warm Cailfornia sun for at least an hour. Janet was very miserable. I am always uncomfortable with my healing knee but we bore it. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">They got her into a room with relative efficiency. Then began the waiting. I hate being in the hospital so this was a kind of agony. The ER rooms are not set up for the comfort of the accompanying adult. By about 7 they admitted her thinking it was a recurrence of the <a href="https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/c-difficile/symptoms-causes/syc-20351691">c. diff</a> she had back in May. Debee and I went into a small cleaning and disinfecting frenzy should it be <i>c. diff</i>. We drank a bit too much and watched<i> Everything Everywhere All At Once. </i>I was in a good deal of pain, due to having to sit up for so long in very uncomfortable conditions. Yesterday, we continued with the cleaning. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Janet is getting sprung today. Debee went to get her as I have not been able to really manage the pain today. Nina and Vera are here on the bed with me, adding their support but it may be time for another oxy and some more ice. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">When Debee got to the hospital, Janet was, reportedly, very upset about a Christian having come it to proselytize to her. (I could take a moment of schadenfreude here as Janet was quite a bit of a proselytizer in her bliss ninny days.) We told them no religion. They must have been pretty insistent for her to be as upset as Debee had ever seen her. It is a Presbyterian hospital but it is the best hospital in the community, not that it is saying much.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">29 janvier</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">I don't really have much heart for writing. If I don't keep at it and post, I feel as if I am failing myself.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Janet has been home for a few days and seems none the worse for the wear. I am trying to limit her coffee and chocolate intake; for the moment she seems to have evened out, not even coughing as much. She is not happy about these restrictions but I hope that she will get used to them.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">The oxycodone exacerbates my depression, I think, so I am going off of it and trying to manage on Tylenol and ice. Whatever pain relief I get from it is not worth the nightly despair I feel. And I feel that anyway, even without an added downer. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">There has been talk among myself and my brothers about putting Janet in a nursing home. Although I do threaten her with that from time to time, I think it would vastly hasten her end. Plus, what becomes of me with no roof and little income? But it mostly makes me very sad, having been crying on and off for a few hours, that this is the solution to my our issues with her. One of my dear friends tells me to buck it, that it will be over, and indeed, it will but the interim is mighty painful. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><br /></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p>Sally Anne Syberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18185300944480396559noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1018994113071108306.post-9731204797745259912023-01-21T21:26:00.003-08:002023-01-21T21:26:46.398-08:00THE DARKNESS WE EXPECT<p><span style="font-size: medium;"> <span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">6 of 100</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;">15 January</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;">" This is the work of the novel: to notice, knit, remember, record. The novel confers wholeness and unity to a story of division. The novel — it cannot help itself — reconciles."</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;">— Parul Sehgal, <i><span>Blood</span> Lines,</i> The New Yorker Magazine, January 2 & 9, 2023</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;">I am not having a particularly easy day this morning, although the pain medications are finally starting to kick in and there may well be a nap in my immediate future.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;">21 January</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;">'Tis time to find myself astride that writing horse again. So many of you have kindly inquired as to the state of my surgery and my general well-being. Let me say at the outset that I am humbled, amazed, and blown-away by your many kindnesses in regards to this. My brother Michael was a nurse-prince while he was here. He saw me through the surgery and getting home, supporting and commenting on my progress. Debee showed up as he was leaving and took great care of me and Janet. She's getting a couple of days off to attend to other things and will be back on Monday. In the meantime, my cousin Christina came over to get Janet out of bed and fed breakfast. I can get around for short stints of cat and Janet feeding, but it is hardest in the morning. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;">I had a couple of very bad days of pain, but am doing really well. One of the physical therapists says that she has, in nineteen years, never seen a patient progress more rapidly. I try to limit my pain medication somewhat. I think the oxycodone feeds into my depression and I have been very down. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;">I was underneath too many cats and blankets earlier today and straightened my leg in such a way as to have me screaming in pain. Not sure what I did, straighten it too rapidly?. After a few minutes the pain subsided to normal levels. My knee feels a little extra sore right now, but I am due for a pain meds. I see the surgeon on Monday.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;">The hospital was great. I had the foresight to take my Bluetooth speaker so I lolled in music and pain meds on my overnight. I was able to get into the house without much pain or problem. I only used the walker for a day and am now walking carefully about with nothing or a cane. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;">I have been out three or four times, a trip to Trader Joe's, doctor visit, accompanying Debee to take Janet to lunch, and out to dinner last night. I was pretty tired when I got back last night. Today, I have staid in my 'jammies, practicing Duolingo French, finishing my book group book (<i>Someone</i> by Alice McDermott). During my twilight sleep or just cat napping, I listened to Jann Wenner's memoir, <i>Like A Rolling Stone</i>. The audiobook reader was stellar but Wenner is a shallow, egotistical ass. The biography of Wenner that came out a couple of years ago was much more insightful and relevant. (<i><a href="https://www.vulture.com/2017/10/jann-wenner-biography-sticky-fingers-excerpt.html">Here's an excerpt.</a></i>)</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;">And then having Jeff Beck and David Crosby exit in the same week. Hard to process the loss of one of them would be a challenge, but the both of them floors you. Not that that isn't to be expected, but Beck, at least, seemed to live a pretty healthy life. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;">The kitties are circling, wanting me to settle down in one bed or place or another. I did take some meds, so I will likely be sleepy soon.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">FIRST SNOW</span></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">The snow</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">began here</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">this morning and all day</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">continued, its white</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">rhetoric everywhere</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">calling us back to <i>why</i>, <i>how</i>,</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><i>whence</i> such beauty and what</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">the meaning; such<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">an oracular fever! flowing</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">past windows, an energy it seemed</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">would never ebb, never settle</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">less than lovely! and only now,</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">deep into the night,</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">it has finally ended.</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">The silence<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">is immense,</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">and the heavens still hold</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">a million candles; nowhere</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">the familiar things:</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">stars, the moon,</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">the darkness we expect</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">and nightly turn from. Trees</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">glitter like castles</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">of ribbons, the broad fields</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">smolder with light, a<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">passing creekbed lies</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">heaped upon the shining hills;</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">and though the questions</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">that have assailed us all day</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">remain—not a single</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">answer has been found—</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">walking out now</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">into the silence and the light</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">under the trees,</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">and through the fields</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">feels like one.</span></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">— Diane Oliver, <i>New and Selected Poems</i>, Beacon Press, Boston, 1992</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><br /></p>Sally Anne Syberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18185300944480396559noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1018994113071108306.post-59188274051827524782023-01-10T00:01:00.005-08:002023-01-10T00:01:50.036-08:00AWAITING THE <p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"> <span>5 of 100</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">January 8th</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Counting down to surgery now. I thank those of you who have reached out to support me, both in the Janet struggles and having surgery. I gave my knee some pets this morning after I pet the cats. Janet has gone back to bed. I am giving myself a bit of time to gather my thoughts, strength, and focus as I plunge into more housekeeping.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Yesterday was a pretty fine day. Our #3113 yoga class met, and, pleasantly, at a slightly later time. My knee hurt badly enough to remind me of the primary reason for doing this: yoga practice. I had not practiced in quite a long time and really felt awkward and stiff. I am a little sore today. I hope the reminder that it is ESSENTIAL to keep practicing stays with me. (Y’all can remind me if you want.) </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">I was able to make good progress on the housecleaning project. There is more to do (and I will get to it shortly). This is usually the time I choke on completing the task. Inability or unwillingness to complete things is something I need to analyze more closely. That is one long list.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">On my way to dinner in Laurel Canyon, I had a terrific conversation with my old pal Mona. Mona’s dear, departed husband was one of my closest friends in junior high and high school. When I made the break from LA, I moved in with them in Berkeley where many cards where played, much dope was smoked, and much laughter ensued. M and I reconnected strongly about a year ago when I sent her a birthday text only to find she was headed for some surgery herself. We have kept up semi-regular contact since. M was most understanding about the difficulties for caring for a dying parent nearly single-handedly. (I get some critical help from nearby friends and cousins.) The intimate chat made the drive through LA traffic and Hollywood go back rapidly. Grateful for that chat.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">And then, a lovely raclette dinner with R and L. A lot of Curtis Mayfield played. We never run out of things to talk about, comparing notes on elder care (R’s mother is in her 90s), politics, series to binge, books, and then some card playing. I was annihilated. <span>L gave me some lovely books in French to set off the year. She wisely chose some kid’s graphic novels to kick start me. I wonder if heavy pain meds will </span></span><span style="background-color: #f8f9fa; color: #202124; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><i>rendre la lecture du français moins difficile.</i></span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: #f8f9fa; color: #202124; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Janet was in bed when I got home. She had neglected to take her meds although I had given them to her hours earlier. I made her get out of bed to take them. The pre-op shower protocol meant that I had to take a shower and wait two hours to wipe down with disinfectant wipes. M had mentioned microwaving the wipes so they aren't so cold and that did help. I took a nap for two hours and after the disinfection, I had a hard time sleeping, hence a late start today. </span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: #f8f9fa; color: #202124; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Although Nina has returned to bed for some more cuddling, I need more coffee and breakfast, too. </span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: #f8f9fa; color: #202124; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Almost January 10th</span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: #f8f9fa; color: #202124; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Thank you all for all of your support, which has me feeling pretty good about the whole thing. I am headed to bed shortly. I had a kind of freeze, if not meltdown yesterday. I spent several hours, that could have been used more fruitfully in housekeeping<br />, doing Duolingo French. </span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: #f8f9fa; color: #202124; font-family: "Gill Sans"; white-space: pre-wrap;">The new air mattress and frame seem quite nice. Michael seems comfortable. The cats are enjoying the bed as well. There is nary a cat with me at the moment. They are occupied with chasing one another in and out of Michael's room.</span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCdEwuD56iDiG10xb8mqgIVgWy_2X8Q5R_9bEI-2Hx3dsud511eTqnTYGEYn0wL-hrv_ZIPZFTeWcjxBR3JmSFeg34KsKXap4Ag4qX_hqZvMsaSyRizhGO02UOQ9U28Oqjp5Jfi5GuFJxF9zzhrLavri-2IVcrZEumesnrY0uduFHX_pNwnK2eoJwqVA/s1024/9D974352-62DD-47E0-A708-879027CE2C7F_1_105_c.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="768" data-original-width="1024" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCdEwuD56iDiG10xb8mqgIVgWy_2X8Q5R_9bEI-2Hx3dsud511eTqnTYGEYn0wL-hrv_ZIPZFTeWcjxBR3JmSFeg34KsKXap4Ag4qX_hqZvMsaSyRizhGO02UOQ9U28Oqjp5Jfi5GuFJxF9zzhrLavri-2IVcrZEumesnrY0uduFHX_pNwnK2eoJwqVA/w640-h480/9D974352-62DD-47E0-A708-879027CE2C7F_1_105_c.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p><span style="color: #202124; font-family: Gill Sans;"><span style="background-color: #f8f9fa; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">DUSTING</span></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Beautiful, visitors used to say</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">absentmindedly, glimpsing the figurine</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">(courtesan, bronze) ensconced in the fine</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">bay window. And it was, in a way</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">that irises swaying outside</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">would never be, multitudes driven</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">unresisting from season to season,</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">year after year. When the old man died,</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">his favorite weathered the neglect</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">indifferently. The pose she held</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">had take a lifetime to perfect,</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">would take a life, at last, to comprehend.</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Dust fell, and her hand was filled,</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">awaiting the touch of a human hand.</span></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">— Daniel Hall, <i>Hermit with Landscape</i>, Yale University Press, New Haven, 1990</span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: #f8f9fa; color: #202124; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p>Sally Anne Syberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18185300944480396559noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1018994113071108306.post-66332208655968423102023-01-06T23:47:00.001-08:002023-01-06T23:47:20.883-08:00ARE DOLPHINS EVER TIRED?<p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"> 4 of 100</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">6 January</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Tonight's full moon finds me rather drained. The cause of this exhaustion is currently unknown. Could it be a relapse of 1/6/21 malaise and shock. The Congressional clusterfuck of the week is a spectacle both rife with schadenfreude and terror. Seeing McCarthy's smug and jubilant face after the 15 ballot was purely disgusting. Well, perhaps he will be enough of a fuck-up to get some moderate Republicans to back Jeffries. To paraphrase a friend, a woman can dream, can't she?</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">I'll admit to some apprehension about the surgery which I think underlies everything. Avoiding to feeding into that fear is not easy. With the exception of an inguinal hernia surgery, I haven't had anything since I had my tonsils taken out when I was about five. I am not concerned that Dr. McShane won't do a good job, but I am terrified about losing more mobility. The primary motivation for doing this now is my "relative youth and good health," good health insurance, and I want to be able to practice yoga which is a dicey proposition at the moment. My pals in the Saturday class and I make fun of my left leg and say that it is there just for show. (The sciatica doesn't help.)</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">And then there is the daily despair of taking care of Janet. I need more help just to keep my sanity. If I had someone to come in in the mornings, get her dressed, fed, exercised, and ready for the Senior Center, I would probably feel better. Allegedly, there are senior services available but by the time I have gotten her up and out the door, my focus and will are very low. Inertia and despair are tough things to fight.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Janet has begun her before-bed hacking, so I have put on the water for honey and lemon. We were out to dinner with the usual Friday night crowd, which was delicious and entertaining. When we got home, I went straight into the bathtub so that I could begin my two-hour waiting period before disinfecting myself. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">It is so fucking terribly horrible to watch your parent decline. Janet needs physical therapy every day, even just getting her to practice getting in and out of chairs and picking up her feet. She is just collapsing in on herself due to inattention to herself and inability to focus. She fights and resists me in ways that she does not do with others. And the two of us are left to our unhappy duet far too much.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">In other events (?), I checked out a big stack of delicious looking library books I hope to have the clarity and focus to power through while I recuperate. I managed to get my mother's bedding and her flotilla of nightgowns (?) washed. Patrick was kind enough to offer his dryer and I did find a place about five minutes from my house with enough dryers to get the job done quickly. In the undying spirit of doing non-essential things, I pulled quite a few weeds. The ground is so wet, pulling them out is relatively easy, although there is a surfeit of them. I gave some plants some breathing room.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">I swear I had more profound thoughts earlier today, but getting them down usually eludes me and this is no exception. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Tomorrow is my last yoga practice before the new knee. I am feeling stressed about getting a room ready for my brother who is the first caregiver, but I think it is important. Plus, I get a lot of encouragement from those folks, even if they do tease my about my leg. In the evening, I am going out to dinner in Laurel Canyon.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">One of my New Years' Resolutions was to be in closer touch with my friends. I need to mitigate the isolation of caregiving and living in what feels to me a largely foreign land. So, I am inviting all of you to text or call me, too. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Hot lemon and honey consumed. Coughing stopped.</span></p><p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3gBgU6Wv44k8XM1m6IuHcMffVbQeYVkRtM3RbNoqFcgTOchyp8sj6dLdLz4-L1B_hBvjQmRbHcdDfO6LZAD80bXEEPnhNonVDd_d9kD9uDjDf2OMn97aANmchZgoF0FRcTr-pa51Rr2eewxP16i5YOP6YbIe07VP4JsIf3sz7IVFf09XI7hfy38rs7w/s640/9E9DCF94-A506-46F5-B043-B3630C39BF02_1_105_c.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="640" height="600" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3gBgU6Wv44k8XM1m6IuHcMffVbQeYVkRtM3RbNoqFcgTOchyp8sj6dLdLz4-L1B_hBvjQmRbHcdDfO6LZAD80bXEEPnhNonVDd_d9kD9uDjDf2OMn97aANmchZgoF0FRcTr-pa51Rr2eewxP16i5YOP6YbIe07VP4JsIf3sz7IVFf09XI7hfy38rs7w/w640-h600/9E9DCF94-A506-46F5-B043-B3630C39BF02_1_105_c.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span><p></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">A WELL-KNOWN ELIZABETHAN DOUBLE ENTENDRE</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">If we are dying, let’s do it slowly, together.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Are dolphins ever tired?</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">The way we have been leaping</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">about the steamship <i>Intercourse</i> and heaving</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">as if it ran on our hot breaths;</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">the way we have been yelling</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">as if our lungs were bellows for the furnace</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">of that gentle, violent vessel;</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">the way we gasp and clutch each other</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">like drowning sailors, then die to find</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">another life, ourselves transformed</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">and kissing easily as fish or playing</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">like dolphins over waves,</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">or tossing like the waves themselves</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">above the sea-bed after</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">having beaten around our respective and</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">respectable bushes</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">on dry land for so long —</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">I am turned around, not sure</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">if we are found or foundering.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">There is a storm above the ways</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">and one below, but for all our</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">sweet struggle, the churning all around,</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">our sporting in the wake,</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">the ship appears to be more or less</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">on course. We sight a new world daily.</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">— Pamela Alexander, <i>Navigable Waterways</i>, Yale University Press, New Haven, 1985</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p>Sally Anne Syberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18185300944480396559noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1018994113071108306.post-18169148501468364872023-01-06T00:29:00.003-08:002023-01-06T10:26:22.758-08:00TOWARD SOME KIND OF RETURN<p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">3 of 100</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Nina is very fixedly watching the rain. She appears to be hypnotized or possibly despairing. There is also the possibility that she is just a cat. Later. She has given up standing and resorted to napping, but still facing the window. The ground is sopping as are many of the cardboard boxes of Vernon Kilns dishware and ceramics left to me by Anita and Carole (half-niece, half-sister). Fortunately, they won't rot but will be a mess to clean up.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">The wind is picking up. The now naked fig tree bounces to the gusts, as do the unruly arms of the orange bougainvillea which desperately needs a trim. Sebastian, my poor yard man, called me so many times this week to see if I wanted any work done that I finally relented. I spent more than I wanted to, but I felt I had to help </span><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";">out</span><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";"> a fella. He's not really a gardener and has killed so many plants that now I have to walk around and point out specific things to do and not do. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">The garden will be very happy. The artichoke plant that I cannot kill is huge already. I must have harvested a dozen artichokes last year. The fennel is fluffed like a stately, exotic bird. The fennel is there mostly for the butterflies. The spindlelyness of the fig, the pomegranate, and the pepper tree look so black and naked against the lushness of the overgrown grass and the bougainvillea. I still have many tangelos to harvest. Going out to pick a Meyer lemon when you need one is also groovy. This is the first year it has produced so much fruit. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Oh well. I would rather sit here in my cozy jammies surveying the yard, sipping coffee, listening to music, however, the Janet show needs to get on the daily road. Today will be my last yoga/Pilates session with Sonia until my knee gets sorted out. Tomorrow is supposed to be sunny before the next storm hits, so I should be able to get more done outside. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">There are all these protocols I need to follow before surgery. MRSA is such a threat that I am supposed to take a shower every day, wait two hours, and then very carefully clean myself with special wipes, as well as using some strong antibacterial stuff in my nose. I hope I don't die of boredom (or pain) in the hospital. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">I haven't been for an overnight in the hospital since I got that black widow bite in New York City (where there are no black widows). That was memorable due to our nurse, Clover. The woman in the bed next to me moaned and screamed in pain, begging for pain relief. In a Jamaican drawl that was somehow still clipped she said, "That's morphine, honey. Don't get no better than that." The entire scene was very Paddy Chayefsky. Maybe I will try to find <i><a href="https://www.nytimes.com/1971/12/15/archives/screen-the-hospital.html">The Hospital </a></i>and stream it while I am there.<br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">January 6</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">But just barely.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Janet is still hacking. I gave her some hot lemon and honey which works better than all the Robitussin and Mucinex together. She is finally calming down.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">It was a challenging day, for all my efforts to make it otherwise. Janet foiled any plans to get her out of the house to dominoes in time for me to get to my Pilates on time, so, much to her disappointment, she staid home. She takes up more and more of my time and there is no streamlining that I can find.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">I see now why I have resorted to drinking and overeating for the years I have been here. It's as if I every day I am starting from below the ground and have to work my way emotionally and psychologically to even hit an even ground. Things were better when I had a strong yoga practice, going to class 4-6 times a week. Janet was going too, so she was in better fettle. She is losing muscle mass and strength. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">I need to sleep.</span></p><p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPd1shyC1f3OmxQYP0Ie7zexeMUxrWG19dNPb4ow7-5HXsBDwPpFR7BH0VC7jT1qhaSYPfIL66S1u9qEyLJ6ROYBSruR5VFaOfo2tJkC_G7mgcQxd9UcZeUIZ2bsGGKNQU-vzCCS_gG4z80ZPw4K7N_z9XONlzaFllXtG6mr6eRaKOxGEvRuYz5aIbng/s4032/F68F3177-DBC8-48B4-869A-E0FE95ECC983.heic" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPd1shyC1f3OmxQYP0Ie7zexeMUxrWG19dNPb4ow7-5HXsBDwPpFR7BH0VC7jT1qhaSYPfIL66S1u9qEyLJ6ROYBSruR5VFaOfo2tJkC_G7mgcQxd9UcZeUIZ2bsGGKNQU-vzCCS_gG4z80ZPw4K7N_z9XONlzaFllXtG6mr6eRaKOxGEvRuYz5aIbng/w480-h640/F68F3177-DBC8-48B4-869A-E0FE95ECC983.heic" width="480" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span><p></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">SNOW</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">We are left, finally, to decide why</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">the world goes, and we with it,</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">toward some strange kind of return.</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">This morning, before morning, I dreamed</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">of snow falling thickly through trees.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">When I awakened, snow was falling</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">I put on the shoes of separation</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">took the road of wandering, and walked out</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">to find a red heifer unblemished.</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">I spoke my name to the mountain</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">and waited to hear a word returned.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Nothing but the wind moved.</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">In less than an hour my tracks</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">were covered over, and still the snow</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">fell thick through the cedars</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">like dust, dust that at last would rise.</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">— William Virgil Davis, <i>One Way to Reconstruct the Scene</i>, Yale University Press, 1980</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p>Sally Anne Syberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18185300944480396559noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1018994113071108306.post-67087453105277740142023-01-04T23:20:00.002-08:002023-01-04T23:20:10.713-08:00NOT ONE WITHOUT WATER<p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">2 of 100</span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwHKf0Y9E-D0FUd9KbS9cVycT360RH9dGC15B41VMN5CvvgXHLPFOVkg6CgDNEyL4HpEmV5X6Gt2xRpUMxKxEV-LWuHnM0MTQ8vbzvk8MSv6nQUK13KmS11asHG6hV5yXfWABjeC6DIbD0r3WAlQmnnVMHamtuvu16M1rMXcl6H-3q9dCN5EZwSR-MDw/s4032/C5EB8AE1-1E45-4024-A573-8464082BD183.heic" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwHKf0Y9E-D0FUd9KbS9cVycT360RH9dGC15B41VMN5CvvgXHLPFOVkg6CgDNEyL4HpEmV5X6Gt2xRpUMxKxEV-LWuHnM0MTQ8vbzvk8MSv6nQUK13KmS11asHG6hV5yXfWABjeC6DIbD0r3WAlQmnnVMHamtuvu16M1rMXcl6H-3q9dCN5EZwSR-MDw/w640-h480/C5EB8AE1-1E45-4024-A573-8464082BD183.heic" width="640" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">2 janvier 2023</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Although I would prefer to sit and continue to gather my thoughts, plan my New Years' resolutions, or finish my not-very great book, <a href="https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-1996-08-04-bk-31009-story.html"><i>Vertigo</i></a> by Louise de Salvo, I am outside trying to make some sense of the mess on the patio so that I can move my freshly re-packed and sorted boxes into that space. Michael comes next Monday to take of care of Janet while I am getting knee replacement surgery, and then me for a day or so when I come home. (In re: de Salvo, while it is not a bad book, and I have read a couple of her non-fiction works about Virginia Woolf, she is not enough of a prose stylist to make this memoir really touching or memorable.)</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">For LA in January, it is quite cold and grey. The cats prefer to be indoors where it is warmer. Either that or there is something wrong with all of them. The patio is cold and damp and very dirty given that it is exposed to all the usual desert dirt as well as the constant exhaust and particulate matter from the 605 freeway that is maybe 1/3 of a mile away. It is a hellscape here for my relatives and friends who have allergies what will the dander and fur of six felines. Anyone want a slightly used cat? All guaranteed with a no questions return policy.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">There are some significant frustrations and sorrows in my life, caused in part by some purportedly near and dear to me. Lashing out often feels like the option that will give me relief if not solution. Rather, I am trying to wade through some of it and seek another perspective that might allow a less confrontational outburst. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">4 janvier 2023</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">The rain puts a certain <i>je ne sais quoi</i> on trying to get 2023 in gear. I have a lot of work to do before my knee replacement surgery on Tuesday. It being wet, it makes washing clothes and hanging them out to dry a problem. I haven't had a working dryer in 18 months. I did, recently, have it looked at to see if it could be repaired but the answer was a resounding no. I think my father bought this dryer from a neighbor in the late 1960s. He also installed it himself (<i>bien sur</i>) so the installment is illegal and I will need to pay a technician to install properly once I can find one. That shouldn't be too hard, but it is just one more thing to try to get together.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">I used to think I was lazy. Now I think I am just trying to cope with the burden of taking care of Janet. I had a couple of pre-op appointments today. No matter how I tried, I could not get Janet out of the house on time. If I don't police her, she can not be depended on to do anything in a timely manner. I know she isn't really doing it on purpose as she can't stay focussed and her short term memory is crap. And no matter that she thinks she is ready, she invariably needs to go to the bathroom or some other distraction before I can get her to the car.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">My patience and understanding has improved greatly. I know she is no longer purposely trying to mess with me, although she sometimes slows down on purpose. Funny, she can follow the news pretty well, and often enough has a Jeopardy! answer herself, but she can't follow a narrative series. She still wants to and does play dominoes; that greatly enhances her cognitive skills at home. The other night, a friend from her past called her. She asks about this person more frequently than anyone else I can think of. She was on the 'phone with her for a long time (for her) and was buoyed by the chat. The next morning, she could only put a bit of the conversation </span><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";">together</span><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";">.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">As discussed before, I despair that I have ended up here. So it is no wonder that I want to read or sleep or get involved in some multi-season narrative. As also noted before, I feel I have been lost for 8 years. I was lost when I got here and in bad straits, but somehow this became the convenient place and person for me to be. No wonder I grieve for the might-have been and the me that existed before. </span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">FIRST THINGS FIRST</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Woken, I lay in the arms of my own warmth and listened</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">To a storm enjoying its storminess in the winter dark</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Till my ear, as it can when half asleep or half sober,</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Set to work to unscramble that interjectory uproar,</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Construing its airy vowels and watery consonants</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Into a love speech indicative of a proper name.</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Scarcely the tongue I should have chosen, yet, as well</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">As harshness and clumsiness would allow, it spoke your praise</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Kenning you with a godchild of the Moon and the West Wind,</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">With power to tame both real and imaginary monsters,</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Likening your poise of being to an upland county,</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Here green on purpose, there pure blue for luck.</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Loud though it was, alone as it certainly found me,</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">It reconstructed a day of peculiar silence</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">When a sneeze could be heard a mile off, and had me walking</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">On a headland of lava beside you, the occasion as ageless</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">As the stare of any rose, your presence exactly</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">So once, so valuable, so very new.</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">This, moreover, at an hour when only too often</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">A smirking devil annoys me in beautiful English,</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Predicting a world where every sacred location</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Is a sand-buried site all cultured Texans “do,”</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Misinformed and thoroughly fleeced by their guides,</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">And gentle hearts are extinct like Hegelian bishops.</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Grateful, I slept till a morning that would not say</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">How much it believed of what I said the storm had said</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">But quietly drew my attention to what had been done —</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">So many cubic metres the more in my cistern</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Against a leonine summer—putting first things first:</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Thousands have lived without love, not one without water.</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">— W. H. Auden, <i>The New Yorker</i>, March 9, 1957</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><br /></p>Sally Anne Syberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18185300944480396559noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1018994113071108306.post-26534534602968479492023-01-01T22:37:00.001-08:002023-01-02T08:29:48.335-08:00HOW WOULD WE GET ANOTHER?<p> <span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">1 of (hopefully) 100</span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgObwtTgpzg2tUEhPoBPcgybfQsMIQ6J-boeMRoiFJRrgnxJ4zgeu6BFOiHv7a7nSFMheAtYHCX-UShLLrNkCfjOPNfSUjAsMM_a-BekxCROg2yiJOd2-szCyiLQMp4XVa-e1mLsiwqwOy3UIbdDD5lBI1I95Uge0o4jvfdePtomTuvBb1vkkZr-dvqoA/s720/323289909_1531869333987264_7043878911611697185_n.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="720" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgObwtTgpzg2tUEhPoBPcgybfQsMIQ6J-boeMRoiFJRrgnxJ4zgeu6BFOiHv7a7nSFMheAtYHCX-UShLLrNkCfjOPNfSUjAsMM_a-BekxCROg2yiJOd2-szCyiLQMp4XVa-e1mLsiwqwOy3UIbdDD5lBI1I95Uge0o4jvfdePtomTuvBb1vkkZr-dvqoA/w400-h400/323289909_1531869333987264_7043878911611697185_n.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";">Better Year to you all as we begin again or continue or stagnate as suits your person and situation. Hearing "happy" and "merry" are judgmental commands as far as I can tell. I always feel pressured to be other than I am.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">I did not complete my writing goal of last year and barely completed my reading challenge. I am more myself, more centered, when I write. I just could not get that all down this year. Please bear with me as I try to find my groove and my voice. I am so overwhelmed that, thoughts coming so rapidly, organizing and focus or even choosing what to say first is daunting.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">This is why a bit of the year in review is easier.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">I had a great year of live music. I averaged almost one live show a. month which is a big leap over previous years, notwithstanding Covid. Highlights were Hot Tuna, Dave Alvin and Jimmie Dale Gilmore, Calexico, Billy Strings, and I finally saw Amanda Anne Platt and the Honeycutters, by the skin of my teeth.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">The delightful book finds were Claire Keegan's <i><a href="https://www.theguardian.com/books/2021/oct/22/small-things-like-these-by-claire-keegan-between-happiness-and-ruin">Small Things Like These</a></i>, Diane di Prima's <i><a href="https://pleasekillme.com/diane-di-prima/">Recollections of My Life as A Woman</a>, </i>Helen R. Hull's <a href="https://bookssnob.wordpress.com/2012/07/03/islanders-by-helen-hull/"><i>Islanders</i></a>, and Ann Petry's <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2021/10/21/books/review/ann-petry-the-street.html"><i>The Street.</i></a>.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">I recently went to NYC and barely went to a museum so no art news there.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">So this will get me started? I did have a remarkable, meaningful New Years' Day "come-to-life-Jesus" with my dear friend, FMB. I think we both lost a layer of skin and some tears. As usual, he was brilliant, insightful, and hilarious. Tracking where our conversations begin and end is impossible usually, but this one included some painful, revealing stories about our lives, childhoods, and the ridiculousness of history. Among my favorite comments he made was this "We're stuck in the world we have. I don't how we would get another."</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Indeed.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p>Sally Anne Syberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18185300944480396559noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1018994113071108306.post-77334538873778465752022-09-09T00:11:00.001-07:002022-09-09T00:11:46.860-07:00A PERFECT FLOAT WAVE<p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"> </span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoNoykv7r0J9d91bLUWgSpfoz1I0Zb4tP6KGXb78nBryrmsyEyp47tUHKKlil4by4Le2-yZzxtEASBSGb3d6w8I95IBQl9coQVrX_uMt7dQR8kNtrADbNIiU8xqIulIXB7EEBC5MBTUF1Sjo4Pf3SX2Mxu23Nl2ihLaEllKXYJgs-YCQrvk1-6OIt5eA/s960/287988930_3180097002305322_6305298545225742233_n.jpg" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="921" data-original-width="960" height="614" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoNoykv7r0J9d91bLUWgSpfoz1I0Zb4tP6KGXb78nBryrmsyEyp47tUHKKlil4by4Le2-yZzxtEASBSGb3d6w8I95IBQl9coQVrX_uMt7dQR8kNtrADbNIiU8xqIulIXB7EEBC5MBTUF1Sjo4Pf3SX2Mxu23Nl2ihLaEllKXYJgs-YCQrvk1-6OIt5eA/w640-h614/287988930_3180097002305322_6305298545225742233_n.jpg" width="640" /></a></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br />24 of 100</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">June 16</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">I tried to listen to the House hearings about January 6th, but the current witness, Judge Luttig, speaks so slowly that it is impossible to stay interested to get the meaning of what he is talking about. Having had a deep-sea deep sleep cycle this morning, I am more than hard pressed to come to any kind of consciousness. Even two-double espressos are not penetrating the depth of this fog.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">June 22</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">While it is true that I have not been blogging, it has been in the service of a greater good. My dear friend, the marvelous Debee came to Santa Fe Springs for a few days to help me out. Not only did we get some of the peskier gardening done, she was able to clean out the garage as well as helping me (with Patrick) getting some more ruined furniture to the dump. There is still much to do, but at least I no longer feel suicidal about it all.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><i>"Yet more concerning was the fear that it wasn't rock music that was tapped out, but me. Maybe you're only allotted a finite number of musical epiphanies in a lifetime, and I'd used mine up. No more capacity for a true sense of wonder, for unhinged delight at hearing something new.<br /><br /></i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><i>And I recognize this is something everyone says about life after college. It's natural to feel the greatest affection for the music we associate with our carefree high school and college years. The records we associate with being stuck in traffic on your Monday morning commute, or changing diapers in the middle of the night, or writing mortgage checks? These are not the albums you want to have with you when you're stranded on a desert island.</i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">— Marc Fagel,<i> Jittery White Guy Music: True Rock and Roll Confessions from a Guy Who Bought the Album</i>, self-published, 2020</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">August 4</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">That book seems like a lifetime ago.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">September 7</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">My Hong Kong Orchid Tree is in severe distress. The large leaves are turning yellow. There is a two week moratorium on outside watering here in LA County to repair a leak in the water system from the Colorado River. It is quite an inconvenience but it needs to happen. My young Black Tulip Magnolia and Japanese Maple are similarly stressed. The cherry tree hates the sun and dryness (I know, what did I plant that one? Hope of cherry blossoms?). </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">On the other hand, the citrus, olive, fig, and pomegranate trees in the backyard are toughing it out. I haven't been out ...</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">September 8</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx-Rpeo2UG8g8rgof7s35Zn5C15GRQeqhP6SEeoe5_v_kXYpi37iricov3i9TdQdROaKkJGVfVu53AyLkF0KIPRS7fpNkQl0sqrv8YtyzmD1VLKv7-rPhcAR2-f2Fo0DCNBYTT0OKhITQ02W0EeNpMGLAN7mF5fMj-nOHRpQh1Gj6dXcpPI4JXnC8MZg/s1272/JPEG%20image.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1272" data-original-width="1216" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx-Rpeo2UG8g8rgof7s35Zn5C15GRQeqhP6SEeoe5_v_kXYpi37iricov3i9TdQdROaKkJGVfVu53AyLkF0KIPRS7fpNkQl0sqrv8YtyzmD1VLKv7-rPhcAR2-f2Fo0DCNBYTT0OKhITQ02W0EeNpMGLAN7mF5fMj-nOHRpQh1Gj6dXcpPI4JXnC8MZg/w613-h640/JPEG%20image.jpeg" width="613" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Oh the feeling of a drip of sweat trying to slide down your back to your asscrack, but is somewhat impeded by the humidity of your skin itself.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Some of you may have heard that the weather is quite warm here in California. My brother in Oakland said it was 118 degrees on his porch yesterday afternoon. Janet and I spend a lot of time scantily clad while sprawled on beds. My tv watching has increased. Nina and Vera think the hallway is the coolest part of the house, having the added bonus of being kitchen adjacent should there be any food slung around. If I can get a thing or two done a day, I am doing well. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Today I had to take two kitties, McCoy and Bebop (more on her anon) to the vet for shots and boosters. It wasn't easy getting them in their carrying cases, nor finding the cases even though I have five or six of them. They've been moved (maybe by me) and were not in their usual place. I taught a yoga class. I swept the living room carpet. I did the dishes. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">One of the themes of the past few weeks has been self-care. For me to make a point of washing my face twice and day and moisturizing is a small step. Writing to you is another. Writing to you is also writing to myself. Win-Win. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Okay, nattering could continue but it is after midnight and I still need to wind down, brush teeth, clean feet, etc. I will leave you with this:</span></p><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">A paltry Queen Elizabeth story.</span></div><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"></span></p><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">In 1983 when she visited San Francisco, I had to wait at the bus stop at Geary and Van Ness for a good hour. I had no idea what was going on but no buses were coming by and the streets were completely empty. Finally, after what seemed forever, a flotilla of motorcycle police and limos came by. The Queen waved at us, standing on the corner, only interested in the damn bus. But I did see her, live and in person, executing a perfect float wave.</span></div><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p>Sally Anne Syberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18185300944480396559noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1018994113071108306.post-44865350988673106652022-06-15T21:19:00.001-07:002022-06-15T21:19:21.366-07:00REGARDING THE PURSUIT OF LIFE<p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"> 23 of 100</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">June 14 redux</span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";">Notwithstanding having sat here for quite awhile, like hours, and notwithstanding the half-adderall I took, I am not making much progress on my class for tonight. Where does the time go? The hummingbirds are enjoying the Meyer lemon blossoms. It must be too hot for bird hunting as there is none of the usual scrub jay dive-bombing of cats as there often is. Fox has found me sitting at my desk and has hopes of finding a relaxing perch from which to nap as he likes to do of an afternoon. Little hope for him there as things are still precariously piled. Janet would insist that I move things to make room, but I won't. Idrisse has found a comfy place on the clean (not anymore) clothes. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Ernesto has finally finished cleaning my car as he is finally washing the outside. I am trying to get done some tasks I have avoided or just not been able to focus on. Made an appointment for a mammogram. Have contractors coming out to give me bids for cleaning the gutters, patching the patio roof, repairing the mesh over the breezeway in the back. Debee will help with some gardening and trying to get a start on the garage and organizing for a September yard sale. Perhaps I will relax some and feel a sense of accomplishment. Right now, I just feel <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hpzNZbGQ6Ek">money worry</a>. (Reggae helps.)</span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-uEYP2On1Fh3sWEq6idzMgdR8PFxoQQajRt1ytL3hNzqpDfRxZKNtCMYHIWek-jequB71jnbIVwl7e0GiRgrY41fYNhalDQ_OSM3KaTajaNLmhMtMBQUsTSV2T_kLHQnhj3lQ7IsbhgVpdfJShwj5W_d-uP_RZVL0uq4mo9Nm5CkgziARWXFh6vIDHA/s3024/IMG_7895.heic" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="2277" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-uEYP2On1Fh3sWEq6idzMgdR8PFxoQQajRt1ytL3hNzqpDfRxZKNtCMYHIWek-jequB71jnbIVwl7e0GiRgrY41fYNhalDQ_OSM3KaTajaNLmhMtMBQUsTSV2T_kLHQnhj3lQ7IsbhgVpdfJShwj5W_d-uP_RZVL0uq4mo9Nm5CkgziARWXFh6vIDHA/w482-h640/IMG_7895.heic" width="482" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Idrisse went out and is now settling down on the printer. She often hangs nearby, unless, of course, it is night when she wants to be as or when Vera is nearby. Nothing like seeing a sprawled cat butt out of the corner of your eye on a quiet afternoon as the fans whirr.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">June 15</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><i>"Years later I learned from Trungpa Rinpoche, another of my teachers, that we use speediness to maintain ego, to keep our hard shell intact."</i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">— Diane diPrima, <i>Recollections of My Life as A Woman: The New York Years</i>, Viking, New York, 2001</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">I like her acknowledgements also:</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><i>"... my dharma teacher, who taught me that writing is a wonderful way to bring light and vastness into others' lives..."<br /></i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">The newly detailed Honda is beautiful and did not cost the millions of dollars I thought it would because the fellow was here for so long. So, that was a relief. Right now, I am waiting on the first of a few contractors as mentioned above.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">It is the June gloom this morning, which is far preferable to the punishing heat and overbrightness to come. McCoy, who I am currently calling <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johnny_Stecchino"><i>Johnny Stecchino</i></a> after the Roberto Begnini film, has come to get some pets in window. <i>Stecchino</i> means toothpick in Italian and McCoy is toothpick skinny. As the shyest of the cats, he does not get very much petting so it was lovely to have a few moments with him. Vera, meanwhile, has come to sit in the window and watch the scrub jays.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">In other news, I had 20 people attend my yoga class last night. Some of my newer students are more experienced practitioners, so I have to up my game and get going with my own practice to keep up with them. I admit to amazement. I would be hard pressed to describe my current occupation as 'yoga teacher' yet that is how I am earning some money after many years. Having 20 people move at your direction is an an unusual perspective. I was so tired, I feel asleep before 10 o'clock.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Later</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">The kitchen is partly cleaned up. Nina is in the Swimming Pool Garden/Jungle getting attacked by scrub jays. Janet is all ready to go the senior center, having had physical therapy this morning. I am trying to not be overwhelmed by the many things I should and could be doing. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Later</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">In order to seduce myself into cleaning the kitchen floor, I set out a frozen lemon ice to soften and promised myself that I only had to wash half the floor at a time. I do not know why I hate mopping floors so much, but it likely goes along with my general distaste for the cleaning side of housekeeping. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">While I ate my lemon ice, I plunged back into <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/La_Fortune_des_Rougon"><i>The Fortune of the Rougons</i></a>. Zola really knew how to write unsavory and disgusting characters. He can be rather amusing.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><i>"In the closed, isolated town of Plassans, where class divisions were so clearly marked in 1848, the impact of distant political events was very slight. Even today the voice of the people is hardly heard there; the bourgeoisie shows its usual prudence, the nobility its silent despair, and the clergy its shrewd cunning."</i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><i>"An old almond-dealer, Monsieur Isidore Granoux, was the leading member of this group. His terrible harelip, his round eyes, and his expression of smugness mingled with bewilderment made him look like a fat goose living in terror of the cook. He said very little, having no command of language; and he pricked up his ears only when someone accused the republicans of wanting to pillage the houses of the rich, whereupon he would colour up to such a degree that people were afraid that he was about to have a seizure, and would mutter low imprecations in which the words 'layabouts', 'scoundrels', 'thieves', and 'murderers' constantly recurred.</i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";">— Emile Zola, The Fortune of the Rougons, translated by Brian Nelson</span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";">The kitchen floor is now clean.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";">One of my dearest friends is dealing with the waning days of her mother's life. I asked how her mother was doing. <i>"</i></span><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><i>She expresses great joy to see me then swirls with confusion, with inquiry, regarding the pursuit of life. I stroke her hair, kiss her a lot, and reassure her that the answers are inside her."</i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHg6hLeOZzhB2VPgEZnK8-yOkd6nbpRhKs0BUNQAfUTv4L7A2Mz5b_a5RZfOGlPxSON2KUTumFr7TZLtnwxLAcnj0IAuMSZiUPY-m0AazYytn5FUg-rlmpC6_eMcq5BrNmVV-ECFPliFTUy-7VcfjRT36GZzDpm-iFUCK9RMdDmF6lUi0CTyWhCfdD7w/s4032/IMG_7892.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHg6hLeOZzhB2VPgEZnK8-yOkd6nbpRhKs0BUNQAfUTv4L7A2Mz5b_a5RZfOGlPxSON2KUTumFr7TZLtnwxLAcnj0IAuMSZiUPY-m0AazYytn5FUg-rlmpC6_eMcq5BrNmVV-ECFPliFTUy-7VcfjRT36GZzDpm-iFUCK9RMdDmF6lUi0CTyWhCfdD7w/w640-h480/IMG_7892.HEIC" width="640" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /><i><br /></i></span><p></p>Sally Anne Syberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18185300944480396559noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1018994113071108306.post-73304632925131802942022-06-14T11:02:00.001-07:002022-06-14T11:02:40.121-07:00A ROLE AT THIS FEAST<p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">22 of 100</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><i>"It was neither the beginning nor the end of anything, but it was a hinge. A turning point for many of us. People, I think, came to realize they would die, and they began to take steps, to move toward the work they most wanted to do."</i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">— Diane diPrima, <i>Recollections of My Life as A Woman: The New York Years</i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";">Up early for me as I have an appointment to get the Honda Fit detailed. The floor has so much spilled dirt from hauling potting soil and such, I think I could farm there. I know I won't have time, energy, or focus to deep clean the car, so I am splurging. That said, I need to go get the yoga props, books, things not brought into the house from thrift store excursions and all out. Nina and Fox are sitting next to me in the window, hoping that I will shortly head for the kitchen and morning feedings.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">This Charlie Haden song is wafting through my head. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OujUQvCeaOo">En La Orilla del Mundo</a>. Charlie Haden-bass/Gonzalo Rubacalva-piano/Ignacio Berroa-drums/Joe Lovano-tenor sax/Federico Britos Ruiz-violin.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">A bit later.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">The detail guy was late. Now that I am a crabby old person, I want to take him to task in a review. Where is the kind person who thinks "Ah traffic and such..."? I probably won't be negative. We Crabby Old People think we can cure the world with our observations and criticisms. If only.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">So to continue with the Janet story.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">The whole vacation had a life and death aura around it. I was very sick before I left, wherein I wondered if I would be able to go at all. The week before I left, my nextdoor neighbor, Sally, lost her father after a long illness. I arrived on a Saturday. On Sunday morning, my friend Tad's mother died. On Thursday, Janet had to be taken to the emergency room. On Saturday, Betts told me that her father in Houston had taken a serious turn for the worse. My friend Michael's sister-in-law passed. Lili's mother went into the hospital. CIndy's dog died. Betts' father died. Another friend's only brother was fading fast while refusing to get dialysis.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_vLguwty0z0-spUn0wPqBbPq4sVmuZJXKi52Pwbe-nSwGmAb5V_RP78hFQygmdozeTjtvk_0QEHBmG7rv6OnQgsXUmNf1XLSFdfVtEwajksc12O1-ci5KyVDpU3ZQsoT5LFtTNpR_Yydt4B6ewYgsIisL_DDZxCrE4xV2-lQcoYmaLo9iMW8kU4-gdA/s1024/IMG_4460.heic" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1024" data-original-width="768" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_vLguwty0z0-spUn0wPqBbPq4sVmuZJXKi52Pwbe-nSwGmAb5V_RP78hFQygmdozeTjtvk_0QEHBmG7rv6OnQgsXUmNf1XLSFdfVtEwajksc12O1-ci5KyVDpU3ZQsoT5LFtTNpR_Yydt4B6ewYgsIisL_DDZxCrE4xV2-lQcoYmaLo9iMW8kU4-gdA/w480-h640/IMG_4460.heic" width="480" /></a></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Here's the life part. My nephew and niece-in-law had a new baby while I was there. Here she is being indoctrinated into the family cat worshipping cult.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">On the same day/night that the baby was born, David was called into Janet's room wherein she could not stand. David called the EMTs. They refused to take her to the good hospital of which we are a part of their extended health care and took her to hell's waiting room. </span><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";">As I mentioned previously, I called Christina to help spring Janet from that horrible place. David and Christina took Janet out against medical advice to get her to the good hospital where she got adequate care. Hell's waiting room did not ask for ID from neither David nor Christina. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";">So ... the last full week of my trip was a bit stressful while I tried to negotiate my time with getting to see the new baby, her older sister, and worrying about my mom as it took several days to diagnose her with <a href="https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/c-difficile/symptoms-causes/syc-20351691">c.diff</a>, a possibly serious bacterial infection of the intestines. Janet was in the hospital for eight days.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";">My conversations with David led me to believe that Janet had taken a large turn for the worse overall, perhaps a much reduced ability to walk, a constant need for incontinence duty, wanting to sleep all the time (rather than being bored and nap ready at any time). David and I had some tough conversations that will need to be continued. It was all quite sobering.</span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7ANfnlRSOENBQA2Bw4h-R2ck0P1U-qqn2TpGVbiivlYt9KInX07lO4fgXo1q4atbYpLjhHlrQVEu5XU_-gzuyqpmN7dp2ZfjMcV4S-SLssCeCDj81XEe0EC5g0phHygzVUAmufT1OQEbIDpvsSiOtGYTIe1DkdLYhrW5Upe0_kY26e0uZ31zQHCfrJA/s2592/IMG_9425.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1944" data-original-width="2592" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7ANfnlRSOENBQA2Bw4h-R2ck0P1U-qqn2TpGVbiivlYt9KInX07lO4fgXo1q4atbYpLjhHlrQVEu5XU_-gzuyqpmN7dp2ZfjMcV4S-SLssCeCDj81XEe0EC5g0phHygzVUAmufT1OQEbIDpvsSiOtGYTIe1DkdLYhrW5Upe0_kY26e0uZ31zQHCfrJA/w640-h480/IMG_9425.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";"><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";">When she was released from the hospital, I sent my dear family friend Patrick over to see Janet. He took this picture of her. Looking pretty good for 95 and after 8 days in the hospital. She was pretty listless and depressed when I first got home, but she is perking up and going back to Senior Lunch and dominoes.</span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgI-C7ee8oQHcBEBqQ0dJIK564qjf_z71h2Bxos8X8IgUJiZzrg7Gb4DA1qOB7S_fCJBzzmRH7vMoreS9glmRgsXZil2b73b5bWjwTaC4GtbIOQhN1mCc_um-pbumT_aHzLXsUhNeyBS-fbGvi2ZOBg4gG0TrCTHdOQ9BMh-qBRrPz5tWnnbsrpBak_Yg/s4032/IMG_7821.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgI-C7ee8oQHcBEBqQ0dJIK564qjf_z71h2Bxos8X8IgUJiZzrg7Gb4DA1qOB7S_fCJBzzmRH7vMoreS9glmRgsXZil2b73b5bWjwTaC4GtbIOQhN1mCc_um-pbumT_aHzLXsUhNeyBS-fbGvi2ZOBg4gG0TrCTHdOQ9BMh-qBRrPz5tWnnbsrpBak_Yg/w480-h640/IMG_7821.HEIC" width="480" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";"><br /></span><p></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Leave your tricks and schemes behind.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Go mad with Love.</p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Like a moth hungry for light,</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">dive into the blazing heart of the flame.</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Be a stranger to yourself.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Wreck the house you call self.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Wake up in Love’s house.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Live with lovers. Be a lover.</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Why lie in a grave,</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">fearing judgment, hands idle?</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">You have a role at this feast.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Rise up. Open your arms, a haven.</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Grudges and spite weigh on the heart.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Let seven streams of water wash them away.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Make room for Love’s wine.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Be its cup.</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Thoughts stray and drag you with them.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Heart, leap over your head.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Arrive before you know it.</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">You’re not a rook bound to two directions.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">You’re not a pawn, a crooked queen,</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">a shortsighted king.</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Be a mirror for your beled.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Reflect what you adore.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Once mineral, then animal.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Now blessed with a soul,</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">be Love.</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Preacher, how long will you rant</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">door to door, roof to roof.</span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Give your jaw a rest. Be silence.</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">— Rumi, <i>Gold</i>, translated by Liza Gafori, New York Review of Books, New York, 2022</span></p><p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p></p>Sally Anne Syberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18185300944480396559noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1018994113071108306.post-17276788693422937662022-06-13T22:45:00.001-07:002022-06-13T22:47:57.902-07:00I THINK TOMORROW<p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">21 of 100 (yeah, right)</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">May 21st</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Brooklyn, NY </span></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Writing this from Betts’ kitchen (and dining) table. I was awoken about an hour ago by David. Janet called out to him in the night to help her out of bed. Her legs would not support her and she collapsed into his arms. David called an ambulance, the second time in a week. They took her to the shit hospital where Carl died, partly because of less than stellar service. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">June 5th</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Santa Fe Springs, CA</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Yeah. Writing this from the same messy desk in the same messy room in the same messy house as per usual. Things have changed some though. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Back to May 21st. I called my cousin Christina who is good with medical matters (remember my undiagnosed hernia from a couple of years back), and also willing to be necessarily assertive to get her way. She headed over to the Norwalk Community Hospital to assess the situation, concluding with the rest of us that it was one of hell's field hospitals for the damned. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">June 13</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Santa Fe Springs, CA</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">I cannot relate the past many weeks in any sort of reasonable narrative, so I am jumping into just writing again. The task just got too daunting. I found myself avoiding writing and yet wanting to.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Long story short here: Janet is okay, pretty much back to her pre-hospital self. The cats are all fine. The house is a bit of its usual disaster, but Debee is coming on Thursday to help me sort again and get rid of my far-too-many belongings. When she was here before I left for New York, I was too sick to help her. She just jumped in, organizing things for later sorting, and taking care of Janet as I nearly bed-ridden.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Since I have been back from New York (June 2), napping has had a high priority. Previous to my trip, I was not napping at all, nor was I able to actually nap while I was gone. What is causing Morpheus to visit me so sweetly is unknown, however, I plan to enjoy it while I can. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Concomitant or not, I also have the concentration to read books again after many many months. My reading skills are such that I am hard-pressed, in my alone time, to do other than flounce down on the bed for one or both of these indulgences. I admit to being delighted to find my reading self again as my non-reading self was still ardent about book reviews and used book buying.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">I attribute renewed reading with finding the right long book to draw me in. On my last weekend of vacation, Betts took me to her 1790 Connecticut farmhouse share that she has been going to for 13 years or so. It is basically a communal house from May to October, not roughing it at all, but not really luxe. Having been several times over these years (I go every time I go to NY), I know all the housemates and am glad to have a visit with them.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdbc_ik8KfNznTZR-eZGkYA0qTzlgLTV4b6Rx9xMY5XlbKMdSzY2lCNzAbSbEIcf-6N9DSEsA5xUaNDmnRhsw5Sy7W0ZwFLFqIIDvl5DOqVdh8aKmhs5S-Mu2ny7FnTO405PIgrfaIyCNfrhdrzYhu4RfemwrYlp60n9WjT_Stqw6oYmfxxi1j2ASELw/s4032/IMG_7876.HEIC" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdbc_ik8KfNznTZR-eZGkYA0qTzlgLTV4b6Rx9xMY5XlbKMdSzY2lCNzAbSbEIcf-6N9DSEsA5xUaNDmnRhsw5Sy7W0ZwFLFqIIDvl5DOqVdh8aKmhs5S-Mu2ny7FnTO405PIgrfaIyCNfrhdrzYhu4RfemwrYlp60n9WjT_Stqw6oYmfxxi1j2ASELw/w640-h480/IMG_7876.HEIC" width="640" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">View from the Farmhouse Terrace.</span></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaQRkzBoueYPb0DRux4gCuOUqiOEplpbi4bkqmeuyI53NDsUMghmfFtrrd7xsi8J_MgmVn4QDkJKtrrB6S-u8Lg8tF-4oZZ5hslWvsHZU_u8a2cAX917NZhc6yfwNqXkN9yMyuMyyz1ERxGpnTjSy6kAfxSd9O3OVv6uXWtz9Tr-kQfLHFfVF7uRp22Q/s4032/IMG_7881.HEIC" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaQRkzBoueYPb0DRux4gCuOUqiOEplpbi4bkqmeuyI53NDsUMghmfFtrrd7xsi8J_MgmVn4QDkJKtrrB6S-u8Lg8tF-4oZZ5hslWvsHZU_u8a2cAX917NZhc6yfwNqXkN9yMyuMyyz1ERxGpnTjSy6kAfxSd9O3OVv6uXWtz9Tr-kQfLHFfVF7uRp22Q/w640-h480/IMG_7881.HEIC" width="640" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">View from the Farmhouse Terrace.</span></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5Vt6ULO3f7rR3xT7klU9j4bS6QmPa8Qu39tiZq12Fog0IED0MnPNF7WXK0b09hxmvCT8zv3C3raAYJZ6v7aT3diPlOVMPh9WzDQJo_4G0Gux9iDcjph9BAnKyEURBtdEvZfor5jrOD2i_okjz5pYcsqhB-qbFmLOxH9SFyPTUMHPQixviXlOdXO7p6g/s4032/IMG_7883.HEIC" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5Vt6ULO3f7rR3xT7klU9j4bS6QmPa8Qu39tiZq12Fog0IED0MnPNF7WXK0b09hxmvCT8zv3C3raAYJZ6v7aT3diPlOVMPh9WzDQJo_4G0Gux9iDcjph9BAnKyEURBtdEvZfor5jrOD2i_okjz5pYcsqhB-qbFmLOxH9SFyPTUMHPQixviXlOdXO7p6g/w640-h480/IMG_7883.HEIC" width="640" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Swimming pond near the farmhouse.</span></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUdohMGlku8-8ABFjpyySNWY14xVFpO9MdCU1UKZM6Kg3LZVSvXMabTmyMg9HBWx39OaYZMTLsqHkexJDBCOXDulGLRR6k-JAA0hCQOniOvJPl24rTdMEqq-zUZb1S4o7piDLAguvEmA2E4i4ARzLD_CK9tGQgtG223yNzoW6_cD2Y1YGYWaVf0dGsSg/s4032/IMG_7884.HEIC" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUdohMGlku8-8ABFjpyySNWY14xVFpO9MdCU1UKZM6Kg3LZVSvXMabTmyMg9HBWx39OaYZMTLsqHkexJDBCOXDulGLRR6k-JAA0hCQOniOvJPl24rTdMEqq-zUZb1S4o7piDLAguvEmA2E4i4ARzLD_CK9tGQgtG223yNzoW6_cD2Y1YGYWaVf0dGsSg/w640-h480/IMG_7884.HEIC" width="640" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Sky and trees at pond.</span></td></tr></tbody></table><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /><span><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWlOrH3LEVRVhNzJ55hRe8fbQIVq0YgSqL4K7j8srPnbpJWqtqKCNJoq1kVhGpRNhomjd2wCqLvyCeHdyViLSQK3Rk2Km7h33galtd5PDAkbwK0aWdKj8oA0cSX2V2D-zLK8lN0DQiox7clVdl9iCBNr34bBI_wW4j-rjZP4ZM66WBVGxPP3-ExGljBw/s4032/67554418672__1EF52D3D-8EAE-4521-AD9B-7E6E181D2708.HEIC" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWlOrH3LEVRVhNzJ55hRe8fbQIVq0YgSqL4K7j8srPnbpJWqtqKCNJoq1kVhGpRNhomjd2wCqLvyCeHdyViLSQK3Rk2Km7h33galtd5PDAkbwK0aWdKj8oA0cSX2V2D-zLK8lN0DQiox7clVdl9iCBNr34bBI_wW4j-rjZP4ZM66WBVGxPP3-ExGljBw/w640-h480/67554418672__1EF52D3D-8EAE-4521-AD9B-7E6E181D2708.HEIC" width="640" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Swimmer contemplates chill at pond.</span></td></tr></tbody></table><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /><span><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">The farmhouse had been recently painted and the current occupants had decided to get rid of most of the books that had been getting musty on the shelves for who-knows-how-long. Amongst them was Diane DiPrima's <a href="https://www.kirkusreviews.com/book-reviews/diane-di-prima/recollections-of-my-life-as-a-woman/"><i>Recollections of My Life as A Woman: The New York Years</i></a>. Having, in my youth, been interested in the Beat movement, and, as a rule, being interested in poets and poetry, I set to perusing it, only to finding myself thoroughly engaged. Engaged enough to get through 400 pages in a week. Engaged enough to read on the 'plane home. Engaged enough to mention to friends. Engaged enough to order some DiPrima books, not being familiar with her poetry nor her more famous <i><a href="https://www.poetryfoundation.org/harriet-books/2017/05/literary-hub-reads-memoirs-of-a-beatnik">Memoirs of A Beatnik</a>. </i>Engaged enough to power through the other book I picked from the pile, Lara Vapnyar's <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2006/04/06/arts/review-memoirs-of-a-muse.html"><i>Memoirs of A Muse</i></a>, which, while not amazing, compelling in just the right way to get me to read it. I imagine it was left there by a previous denizen, the writer <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anya_Ulinich">Anya Ulinich</a>. (Here's an article about DiPrima's <a href="https://auth.jacobinmag.com/2022/06/diane-di-prima-revolutionary-letters-counterculture-poetry-review"><i>Revolutionary Letters</i>.</a>)</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">And so I continue with reading, very much to my relief. I find myself flickering through things to watch on Hulu, Netflix, Amazon Prime, HBO, etc., but preferring to delve into Chernow's biography of Alexander Hamilton or a feminist take on Greek mythology. And this is all good.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">In other news, when I returned from vacation, I called to see how many people had signed up for my next session of yoga teaching. That Friday, there were four. I duly wrote a class for the four regulars I expected. Instead, there were 15 people!! Most of whom I had never seen before. I had to shift gears and jettison the class I had prepared. When I had them settled into a savasana to start, they looked to me like Moonies on the tarmac, a photo that appeared in Rolling Stone a million years ago. (Could not find it on line.) I rose to the occasion, surprised that I could feel comfortable. And pretty damn excited.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">So enough to get us re-started. Here's the one of the only diPrima poems I could find (readily) on-line. For your listening pleasure, I submit Billy Strings <i><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3r8musR01as">Away from the Mire</a></i>.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><div class="c-feature-hd" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 4px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><h1 class="c-hdgSans c-hdgSans_2 c-mix-hdgSans_inline" style="border: 0px; display: inline; font-style: inherit; line-height: 1.231; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The Window</h1></div><div class="c-feature-sub c-feature-sub_vast" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; margin: 0px 0px 33px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span class="c-txt c-txt_attribution" style="border: 0px; color: #494949; display: inline-block; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; letter-spacing: 1.4px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-transform: uppercase; vertical-align: baseline;">BY <a href="https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poets/diane-di-prima" style="border: 0px; color: black; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; transition: color 0.25s cubic-bezier(0.215, 0.61, 0.355, 1) 0s; vertical-align: baseline;">DIANE DI PRIMA</a></span></div></div><div class="c-feature-bd" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; line-height: 1.3; margin: 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><div class="o-poem isActive" data-view="PoemView" style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline;"><div style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;">you are my bread<br /></div><div style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;">and the hairline<br /></div><div style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;">noise<br /></div><div style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;">of my bones<br /></div><div style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;">you are almost<br /></div><div style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;">the sea<br /></div><div style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></div><div style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;">you are not stone<br /></div><div style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;">or molten sound<br /></div><div style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;">I think<br /></div><div style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;">you have no hands<br /></div><div style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></div><div style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; text-indent: -1em;">this kind of bird flies backward</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;">and this love<br /></div><div style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;">breaks on a windowpane<br /></div><div style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;">where no light talks<br /></div><div style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></div><div style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;">this is not time<br /></div><div style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;">for crossing tongues<br /></div><div style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;">(the sand here<br /></div><div style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;">never shifts)<br /></div><div style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></div><div style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; text-indent: -1em;">I think</span></div><div style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;">tomorrow<br /></div><div style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;">turned you with his toe<br /></div><div style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;">and you will<br /></div><div style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;">shine<br /></div><div style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;">and shine<br /></div><div style="border: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1em; text-indent: -1em; vertical-align: baseline;">unspent and underground</div></div></div></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></div>Sally Anne Syberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18185300944480396559noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1018994113071108306.post-16604992922161722972022-04-28T10:26:00.001-07:002022-06-13T22:50:00.398-07:00AND OH! THAT JASMINE<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx0bbP7A7YnWoNnR3mUpwEm0RHJ2MU-P-McubvPint_in6Uzhp_l2Y04DwmyFC4bZSjes7BWajMKgCKRoCOooBc3KKro9VURYc2SzW0gyBO39IJgC1H8WFqgm3-0aUmTUPeAZgio1-wzA-fo5GRML5a1Yz2OKI9ouMk3hNUIc_JBtXe3RrbJB_6W8apA/s920/279140248_1028328938068158_4576886030216006141_n.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><img border="0" data-original-height="920" data-original-width="735" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx0bbP7A7YnWoNnR3mUpwEm0RHJ2MU-P-McubvPint_in6Uzhp_l2Y04DwmyFC4bZSjes7BWajMKgCKRoCOooBc3KKro9VURYc2SzW0gyBO39IJgC1H8WFqgm3-0aUmTUPeAZgio1-wzA-fo5GRML5a1Yz2OKI9ouMk3hNUIc_JBtXe3RrbJB_6W8apA/w512-h640/279140248_1028328938068158_4576886030216006141_n.jpg" width="512" /></span></a></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /> </span><p></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;">20 of 100</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;">April 27</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;">I don't know who took this photo as I snagged it off of FB. But it is so beautiful I had to share.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;">I just rescued a monarch butterfly from Nina who had just brought it in to present to me. I got it away (she had dropped it at my feet), outside, and it flew away. That's always a win.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;">The Big "D" moved on to more porous terrain. I am still sick, but not in terrible emotional straits anymore. That was a firestorm of childhood silencing and abandonment, but once those chemicals passed through my tears and some close friend counseling, I have come back to a comfortable place. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;">But, in the course of my min-maelstrom (is that oxymoronic?) I came to think of the film <i>Fight Club</i>. I didn't much like it and have never understood the hoo-hah and hubbub about it. I figured it was lack of adequate? requisite? testosterone. The thing that gets quoted the most is "What is the first rule of Fight Club?" I think the answer is you don't talk about Fight Club. Blah blah blah. More macho posturing as far as I could see.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">But then I extrapolated over to Love Club. What is the first rule of Love Club? For me, it is knowing that I am being appropriately considered by those who love me and whom I love. I will admit that can be a slippery slope, and I am severely challenged by demonstrating this rule with my mom. But I do try. When I feel I am being unnecessarily overlooked and unconsidered, I can get to a childish, enraged state </span><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";">(just FYI "rageful" is not acceptable to auto-correct.)</span><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";">. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;">I'd been interested to hear if any of you have a first rule for Love Club.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_xfOa_m8I-4KT1X-agJmTXzFoORIvD6VnTrBhDQIiazzdIx9uXjpZnp79lWNvHo8Wpwd5YL5jbk99YdoMOUQhLpoP9D3S-UOcO5s-BUNqC_qvP_w2p9A8d3oFDZXce022mZ4z8maqxQOaK8DMbYsb1gqgDuPNL5kuvwPuOMp-fjWinvCxpUOCN-PP7g/s1080/278910000_2146416462198537_8852112119388157451_n.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; font-family: "Gill Sans"; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1049" data-original-width="1080" height="622" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_xfOa_m8I-4KT1X-agJmTXzFoORIvD6VnTrBhDQIiazzdIx9uXjpZnp79lWNvHo8Wpwd5YL5jbk99YdoMOUQhLpoP9D3S-UOcO5s-BUNqC_qvP_w2p9A8d3oFDZXce022mZ4z8maqxQOaK8DMbYsb1gqgDuPNL5kuvwPuOMp-fjWinvCxpUOCN-PP7g/w640-h622/278910000_2146416462198537_8852112119388157451_n.jpg" width="640" /></span></a></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;">April 28</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">I have at least three cats hanging nearby. Vera is next to my desk </span><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";">in the window</span><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";">, which I would not leave open if I could get her to leave. I can hear McCoy's collar bells as he walks below the window, and Idrisse is sitting on a stool that has been randomly left outside. The "June Gloom" has arrived early so the day starts overcast. Besides my latptop, the desk is strewn with poetry book, vintage patterns, an Edith Wharton novel, medical referral papers, and a couple of gardening catalogs. I sometimes think I will buy more bulbs for next year, but manage to refrain.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";"><span style="font-size: medium;">The front garden denizens appreciated the hard work I put into taming the weeds. The rose bushes that were getting choked are producing fragrant bloom, the strange bulbs I cannot remember have doubled in size, and what I think are hollyhocks are moving along. The buds are growing so slowly I am sure they won't have bloomed until I get back from NY. The jacaranda is going purple. Beautiful tree but extremely messy.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";"><span style="font-size: medium;">In the greatly overgrown backyard, the boysenberries are starting. They will likely peak while I am away so will go unpicked, save by the brave birds. The jays were wise to build their nests in the bougainvillea this year so the cats cannot get to them. They try but the thorns are a great deterrent. The jays must have watched <i>Snow White</i> for tips.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";"><span style="font-size: medium;">And the pomegranate blossoms! I had that tree in a pot for a year or more and only planted it in the Swimming Pool Garden in the last year or so. Many pomegranates ahead?</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";"><span style="font-size: medium;">I didn't sleep very well. I tried listening to a podcast but that was more agitating than soothing. I put on <i>Live Dead </i>and <i>Dark Star</i> put me to sleep, such as it was. Before coffee, I wondered if I could get it together to teach my last class tonight. Debee is coming later to work with me on the house for a few day in anticipation of David coming to take care of Janet. Were I to attempt it alone, I would sink into my usual procrastination and torpor. After all, there are a lot of series to catch up on.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-size: large;">THESE PRINTED WORDS ARE A PLACE</span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 16px;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">These marks on paper tell of places within,</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">scratchings of the mind, spirit, and the other.</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Records of a location where I lived for a while</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">and may return. Where he visits, and where</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">a radiance burns in him. Ordinary light</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">can make him vanish in the nearly empty rooms.</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">These words tell a story of my infinite caring,</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">of a quaking there as if something wants our</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">disembodiment. We lie naked on the mattress,</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">covered with a single sheet, the door closed</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">to make more darkness, entering another world.</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">The door opens by itself after, showing the light</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">has changed in the window of that other room</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">where a glass of water stands waiting on a table,</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">pears on a plate like gifts from a century before.</span></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 16px;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">— Linda Gregg, <i>The Sacraments of Desire</i>, Graywolf Press, Minneapolis, 1991</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_Rt7j3pUCuK7K5FUQTVsjc53C0JbbZvTlYJlUd1_rCO5RFRtx7s62Nl5iRZzM1bf7Hi3ZDZ-DqZiYv1lMlo8m77YA_D8lF0IbgdjeV7d6nQ_MdOJOR8HNLuoUFbCPdXAP9nvWu0pcrklMddWHlUS8ajTy4orp4AyBDAL5Yh7Ku_kvG9DVRGG6CJUztQ/s960/279520884_379787424194423_2466141479173831071_n.jpg" style="clear: left; font-family: Times; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="817" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_Rt7j3pUCuK7K5FUQTVsjc53C0JbbZvTlYJlUd1_rCO5RFRtx7s62Nl5iRZzM1bf7Hi3ZDZ-DqZiYv1lMlo8m77YA_D8lF0IbgdjeV7d6nQ_MdOJOR8HNLuoUFbCPdXAP9nvWu0pcrklMddWHlUS8ajTy4orp4AyBDAL5Yh7Ku_kvG9DVRGG6CJUztQ/w340-h400/279520884_379787424194423_2466141479173831071_n.jpg" width="340" /></span></a></span></p>Sally Anne Syberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18185300944480396559noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1018994113071108306.post-42206372690549012092022-04-26T12:57:00.001-07:002022-04-26T12:57:45.662-07:00EVEN MY SELF-WILLED DARK<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_zH0b5vJLqxCfj7_KasHspCjujzoOy1HGAIUzitglPi1ZBY8DhMjm2QZJ20wEtZ5msleuNXFJ_4iv8rAtkHBZ6NZ9ZmOR5-iCPnOn_HcQicbrCZwrTOIr1dOMdwrBRV-Oo-jn4vwOw5iiKlY3WwAVKAZxTrXEfsrWREbpLCSIsTZ5uffivicBEoI7Tw/s4032/IMG_7553.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_zH0b5vJLqxCfj7_KasHspCjujzoOy1HGAIUzitglPi1ZBY8DhMjm2QZJ20wEtZ5msleuNXFJ_4iv8rAtkHBZ6NZ9ZmOR5-iCPnOn_HcQicbrCZwrTOIr1dOMdwrBRV-Oo-jn4vwOw5iiKlY3WwAVKAZxTrXEfsrWREbpLCSIsTZ5uffivicBEoI7Tw/w640-h480/IMG_7553.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;">19 of 100</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;">April 26</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;">I should be feeling my oats today as I scored the right answer on Wordle in two guesses before my second cup of coffee. I have only done that once before on my first wordle try. The birds are quite loud. The clouds are, so far, cooling off the day. I only have two yoga classes left. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;">But I am so upset with a close relationship that I gave myself a stress cold. Looking back over the past couple of weeks, I can see that something was deeply troubling to me. Forgetting my pin for the debit card should have been a serious clue but all the repressed feelings started surfacing in a long slow wave that crested with me in tears and the miasma of sorrow and depression.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;">It has been so long that since I have been seriously depressed, I had almost forgotten about the big "D." How fast and subtly it can creep up on you. The dementors have yet to make a showing, so that's a plus at least. And perhaps I will feel a bit better after a nap. Looks as if I will be depending on an older class I have written and I will use the afternoon to rest and try to hurry this cold along.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;">I don't know how many of you have had to care for any elders, particularly female elders. You should be forewarned, if this in your future, that they have black hole pockets in their clothing. No matter how much care you try to take in emptying their pockets before laundry, there are ALWAYS several pieces in that black hole that will be flushed out in the wash, thus making a huge mess. Particularly for those of us who don't use dryers (mine is still broken) and have no recourse to a dryer cleaning it off.</span></p><p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRYIEhP95iXgkjb0S0KYg2_f99F_1bytYDCWZgYGLggJTytO6TUnwOrrLXz7-867OS_JgDn6j8YY9yIQwlA5jUwxzkwkkry6AisSKNgwBWKugQjZLe3inQk4fkC2JnrCAl9s0XYCkjlcK3XL9F0HyXrH3FMATI7GJ07OnzCKMVoNOMsV775RjrWV7g4w/s4032/IMG_7515.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRYIEhP95iXgkjb0S0KYg2_f99F_1bytYDCWZgYGLggJTytO6TUnwOrrLXz7-867OS_JgDn6j8YY9yIQwlA5jUwxzkwkkry6AisSKNgwBWKugQjZLe3inQk4fkC2JnrCAl9s0XYCkjlcK3XL9F0HyXrH3FMATI7GJ07OnzCKMVoNOMsV775RjrWV7g4w/w640-h480/IMG_7515.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span><p></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">(Aunt Bird Said She Had to Heave Herself from Sleep)</span></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Aunt Bird said she had to heave herself from sleep</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">to study how the wind’s blade whisked the air,</span></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">that she wanted to grasp the reckless motion of being —</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">its spit and grime and ruin —</span></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">because nothing expired completely</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">except time eating its own body.</span></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">She taught me I was made out of crumbling</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">and to bring into the open the damaged</span></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">heart of even my self-willed dark,</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">although fear sprouted from my skin</span></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">and my voice was a wing flapping wildly.</span></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 14px;"><br /></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">— Yerra Sugarman, <i>Aunt Bird</i>, Four Way Books, New York, 2022</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">(I briefly studied poetry back in the 1990s. Yerra was one of my classmates with whom I staid in touch.)</span></span></p>Sally Anne Syberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18185300944480396559noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1018994113071108306.post-236960869184128272022-04-25T16:16:00.002-07:002022-04-25T16:16:33.975-07:00THINGS TIME-EATEN, SEA-BITTEN<p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">"We become conservative if we’re still trying to preserve the mythologies of our youth.”</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">— Philip Rodriguez</span> </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;">18 of 100</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;">April 23rd</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;">After finishing Adam Schiff's book, I am in an uncomfortable place - emotionally, energetically.Alighting anywhere, emotionally, energetically, physically, is not easily accomplished. I dug out another rose bush, besieged by grasses, uncovered some sage and rosemary, and cut the dead stalks off of some other flowers that seem determined to come back this year.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSRermWoQv8MIT4dux_xKE6XxrkUk6iTv137eUwH2-vDTC_-Q1IZt9fPlHT0fTM_N0jTXGtb71gWmLV9KKrn81OZ6MbeY5wXMasPdSuySpSzHCytHhnio3arYHD41-sc9YZi2RewuXAuokzyHxeoQcis49VhXDcSXCdGV8q1RjpDSejZ6PRnEzHWEEBA/s4032/IMG_7604.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSRermWoQv8MIT4dux_xKE6XxrkUk6iTv137eUwH2-vDTC_-Q1IZt9fPlHT0fTM_N0jTXGtb71gWmLV9KKrn81OZ6MbeY5wXMasPdSuySpSzHCytHhnio3arYHD41-sc9YZi2RewuXAuokzyHxeoQcis49VhXDcSXCdGV8q1RjpDSejZ6PRnEzHWEEBA/w480-h640/IMG_7604.JPG" width="480" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;">April 25</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;">Today is being spent (wasted?) in an orgy of music on YouTube. Currently grooving to<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXBqJZbmR8Y"> Taj Mahal and Ry Cooder</a>. Sometimes Ry's playing keeps me alive. And today is rather one of those days. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;">The jasmine is in bloom. That sweet smell perks me up from time to time. The LA heat is upon us so things are pretty still out there. The breeze comes up every once in awhile, blowing the sounds of the freeway this way, as well as the jasmine scent. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;">As I mentioned in my previous post, I have been a bit sad for the last day or so. And that was before Elon Musk bought Twitter. My technology forward friends think he is the greatest thing since the last greatest thing. My "spidey. senses" (and do remember I was bitten by a black widow spider back in 1994) tell me that he is a giant schmuck and means the world no good. All we need is another lumbering, egomaniacal narcissist getting more exposure and power in the world. There have been plenty enough of them.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;">My New York trip is less than two weeks away. Perhaps some of my mood is the usual stress of going away anxiety. I have to remind myself that it is unlikely that it will be as exuberant and exultant as my last east coast tour. I already have my trepidations about some of my plans. If it doesn't get above freezing in the Adirondacks, my Schroon Lake adventure is in jeopardy. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;">On the other hand, once I get over my current state of mind, perhaps I will find new adventures and time to spend with folks I haven't had much time with.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;">I need to focus on getting three things done today before I head back over to Christina's to complete my dress which she largely made for me yesterday (I did help) plus the two shirts that are almost done.</span></p><h2 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #404040; display: inline-block; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.8rem; margin: 0px 0.7rem 6px 0px;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><i>dysania</i></span></h2><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><i><span style="background-color: white; color: #404040;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #404040;">-</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #404040;"> </span><span class="hvr" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #404040;">The</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #404040;"> </span><span class="hvr" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #404040;">state</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #404040;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #404040;">of</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #404040;"> </span><span class="hvr" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #404040;">having</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #404040;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #404040;">a</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #404040;"> </span><span class="hvr" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #404040;">hard</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #404040;"> </span><span class="hvr" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #404040;">time</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #404040;"> </span><span class="hvr" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #404040;">waking</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #404040;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #404040;">up</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #404040;"> </span><span class="hvr" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #404040;">and</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #404040;"> </span><span class="hvr" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #404040;">getting</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #404040;"> </span><span class="hvr" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #404040;">out</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #404040;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #404040;">of</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #404040;"> </span><span class="hvr" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #404040;">bed</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #404040;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #404040;">in</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #404040;"> </span><span class="hvr" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #404040;">the</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #404040;"> </span><span class="hvr" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #404040;">morning.</span></i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";"><span style="font-size: medium;">Who knew that this was an actual thing that can need treatment by medical professionals? I just thought it was me.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";"><span style="font-size: medium;">I guess this round of depression has been creeping up on me. I haven't been abusive to myself in any way, no bingeing on bad food or alcohol or tv or even too much spending (been a bit close there, getting things for my trip). One day last week, I forgot the pin number to Janet's debit card as I was trying to buy her lunch. Just. Could. Not. Remember. This, of course, set off alarms and I couldn't use it until we called the bank today. Fortunately, thanks to cousin Dan, I. had funds in my personal account that took care of Trader Joe's visits and such in the meantime. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";"><span style="font-size: medium;">With Steven and Joe (husband of Steven) in the Galapagos, and Andrew on limited mobility due to his arm injury and surgery, it left Sonia, Cindy, Ashtynn, et moi to our own devices for Saturday yoga. We practiced on Cindy's roof, which was pretty cool. But it was very hot up there, even at 9:00 am. I took off my t-shirt and just practiced in my bra. Sonia had written up some notes for class, but we decided to take turns calling out asanas or short vinyasas which was very mellow. None of us was willing to do a full inversion on a roof with safety railing. We decided to go to breakfast instead of practicing next Saturday, which will be my last group meeting.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;">Calling our Saturday yoga meeting a class is misleading. Yes, someone has usually written an entire 90 minute practice for us, but it does not have a "class" feeling at all. I have yet to come up with the best way to describe it. It's more like a yoga klatsch, although we generally don't have refreshments save for water (I have brought citrus on several occasions) and we do more yoga than chatting (which shows our dedication and fortitude) but often enough someone will make a comment that might not strictly be related to an asana we are doing. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;">Cindy and I are the worst of the lot, and probably me the most. I do stop and ask questions about postures or how to deal with particular teaching issues. But then again, I might just think of something random and burst out with a "can you believe?" or a "did you see?" This never stops the practice, we just carry on with our downward facing dogs, planks, and crow poses.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSqHTPwDA5ma7c8dyQ_cdoTuchR2uYeBs0OnGw0BRs0IBnRS3ZIm_BasN5yKxQ2MouWZHdrhNOLUKmF9DCX7DRI-WAWBf8KGd0dZMtBpR2fwWCzg15PSG-iRdz-KRtIcoLapcvDpUWbjHU7DiUsM6T7nozIph9tPOtRzdTPgMFh7VyP3_oZiPLXo9Z7w/s4032/2A50BC3C-4190-45A4-95CB-79329E4D40AD.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSqHTPwDA5ma7c8dyQ_cdoTuchR2uYeBs0OnGw0BRs0IBnRS3ZIm_BasN5yKxQ2MouWZHdrhNOLUKmF9DCX7DRI-WAWBf8KGd0dZMtBpR2fwWCzg15PSG-iRdz-KRtIcoLapcvDpUWbjHU7DiUsM6T7nozIph9tPOtRzdTPgMFh7VyP3_oZiPLXo9Z7w/w640-h480/2A50BC3C-4190-45A4-95CB-79329E4D40AD.jpeg" width="640" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Arugula-walnut pesto, shaved fennel and raw artichoke, parmesan/romano on olive-oil toasted brushetta.</td></tr></tbody></table></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;">I said earlier this month that I made a pesto and bruschetta from my garden to take to the #3113 yoga party. We all had such a splendid time. Out on this coast, I rarely, but NOT NEVER, feel the intense simpatico one feels when one is with one's own. So much fun. The dinner was enormous and just so delicious. So much wine, laughter, and wise-cracking. What a joy to find actual friends at this and in this advanced age. Andrew is, among other things, a woodworking artist, and he made a mandala for each of us. </span><p></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEii_WJVwxjmgiZ184fjbLumttL1x2bXJnykA8l_Eu406wYIipEHVI4i0Fswkxz9PWRxC46Li02pmuS8uUf2FfbYfWX2Av0Ze0kRAiV4otOa5OubxeMO78FllMPwqQnGxyoO8ycpjr-754tbuXh0nVsYmb83pRQN6M_2dgJr2gj7M6--UyaQbW88axG0cA/s3234/FullSizeRender.heic" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="3234" height="598" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEii_WJVwxjmgiZ184fjbLumttL1x2bXJnykA8l_Eu406wYIipEHVI4i0Fswkxz9PWRxC46Li02pmuS8uUf2FfbYfWX2Av0Ze0kRAiV4otOa5OubxeMO78FllMPwqQnGxyoO8ycpjr-754tbuXh0nVsYmb83pRQN6M_2dgJr2gj7M6--UyaQbW88axG0cA/w640-h598/FullSizeRender.heic" width="640" /></span></a></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";"><span style="font-size: medium;">Sonia had commemorative t-shirts made.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";"></span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO5W3ZC4hULy8ZZDJNIuLogb26Mv5qOHjayp2GMuTyuCqIW1T_rCT8KfDHuLKOJ7rALtI9C7-lEpsUNJ_lkHXes0HqgslpytBlbNtwKwV-nADKYyZFnoEACzVgTkxCX6HgVjMQXsHS6VxW7_DwEbTR9OtDszxYekb0dyZPbzWJrWlYINmEex3pKt2Wxw/s4032/FullSizeRender%202.heic" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO5W3ZC4hULy8ZZDJNIuLogb26Mv5qOHjayp2GMuTyuCqIW1T_rCT8KfDHuLKOJ7rALtI9C7-lEpsUNJ_lkHXes0HqgslpytBlbNtwKwV-nADKYyZFnoEACzVgTkxCX6HgVjMQXsHS6VxW7_DwEbTR9OtDszxYekb0dyZPbzWJrWlYINmEex3pKt2Wxw/w640-h480/FullSizeRender%202.heic" width="640" /></a></span></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Gill Sans";"><span style="font-size: medium;">Lucky me.</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">FOUR HAND IMPROVISATION #3</span></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Love is in two places and I will tell you</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">of the one behind the other,</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">beyond the apple trees of unripe fruit</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">and green leaves. Fullness is made of pulp,</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">of memory compacted powerfully.</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">The male shifts his weight and slides,</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">move his weight until he is where green</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">apples enter his heart. A wrong place.</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">Music is created the way dense seas</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">cast up all things time-eaten,</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">sea-bitten, creased with our salt.</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">The scent of coming and going.</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">We leave the way the ocean leaves.</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">The kind of going in which all goes,</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">the dense shade getting darker.</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">What is behind love is another love.</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">The rending is a reason. Not a thing alive</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">in nature, but nature itself.</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">We go down the hill into the trees</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">where we are stunned by a silence made</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">of our earthly parts. We prepare ourselves</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">and go toward, dragging the here.</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">All the evidence gone.</span></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-family: "Gill Sans"; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-size: medium;">— Linda Gregg, <i>The Sacraments of Desire</i>, Graywolf Press, Minneapolis, MN, 1991</span></span></p>Sally Anne Syberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18185300944480396559noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1018994113071108306.post-45130615148511634592022-04-23T12:30:00.004-07:002022-04-28T14:57:32.506-07:00I WENT TO SLEEP A LITTLE SAD<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6QO35v0IvBZFPkq22JPEsKa5D0l6YMUoKIaiNuoS0F0Zfy2tJrBZ6aahYqh_n-CoeZ_cxoY5To_cuXZZ4I8p5pDDdhYU5wBzOf6BZL2rRmTXrumLpdP2JnGw0sccPT1aSOrfB07zoc1TW6J_O9uPisCYgDedSb7OF0C0ShJTWt71Y9UHQu-g1WH31AQ/s1024/278706919_10219656704962956_4558341348078924443_n.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1024" data-original-width="702" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6QO35v0IvBZFPkq22JPEsKa5D0l6YMUoKIaiNuoS0F0Zfy2tJrBZ6aahYqh_n-CoeZ_cxoY5To_cuXZZ4I8p5pDDdhYU5wBzOf6BZL2rRmTXrumLpdP2JnGw0sccPT1aSOrfB07zoc1TW6J_O9uPisCYgDedSb7OF0C0ShJTWt71Y9UHQu-g1WH31AQ/w438-h640/278706919_10219656704962956_4558341348078924443_n.jpg" width="438" /></span></a></div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /> </span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">17 of 100</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">April 22</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">This was not how I intended to start this post, but I ran across this image on FB. I am so-ever-so-ever-so-ever-so-fucking tired of the casual sexism of this. Maybe it was growing up in an environment where there were girly pictures, pin-ups, pornography, and sexual pictures of my mother in my father's domain, the garage. Then there was the pervasive and casual misogyny of my father's friends, many of whom I found creepy from a very young age. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">One of them, I believe his name was Bud Schroder, was a friend from my dad's camera club days. (There are still magazine and manuals about how best to light girlie pictures in the comfort of your own home in the garage.) For some reason, my father commissioned Bud to take family pictures of us. I was around 12 or so, and very uncomfortable around men. Particularly so when I had to wear my bathing suit for them and sit by the pool. I tried to shrink myself, hunching over and crossing my arms in front of my still-pretty-flat chest. I clearly remember how invaded I felt and how awful Bud was. I felt that way before I was subjected to his gaze at the command of my father.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">I writing this only a few feet away from where this happened.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">When the slides were developed, I heard Bud and my dad inappropriately commenting on the images. Bud said something about me looking like a little mermaid or some such. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">All that to say I am tired of random nudes and drawings and the billboards for men's clubs featuring women with "come on let me blow you" faces. I am tired to having to deflect and defend against all of this as if it did not affect me. As if this rapacious and visually greedy imagery was something I could go along with. Or ignore. Be blinded to it. Talk about your death by a thousand pin pricks, it is so enraging as to be flatteningly exhausting. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">And there is the fear of being labeled a fat old spinster fuddy-duddy. (Think again. You wish.) No sense of humor, blah blah de blabbity blah blah. I love double entendres, flirting, evocative sexy/eroticism. I am just tired of the eternal quotidian of having to be subjected to this careless bombardment of demeanment. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">On to better subjects.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><span>(Is Fox asserting the patriarchy by putting his butt on the keyboard thus hindering my writing? He has taken over all the putative empty </span>space.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTage40DDApNPSVy6XrgPKbJfwxH2BVrMBWI4q6L9xojIwkE3I1pqL-xBhYOxLyyeJVB9ifItF1GBXuT3AmujTSNlTJiiHJ9TDBn8BNrl7BsXM3-lgVx1s2TKwhZuYUSikDlb8-XxrBMMWcp1E9V_RkB7eJxuEMdfUvEO_5o1K_lWs-RH8natRmDfVXA/s640/278472970_2559134680884426_1586861678218353328_n.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><img border="0" data-original-height="637" data-original-width="640" height="638" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTage40DDApNPSVy6XrgPKbJfwxH2BVrMBWI4q6L9xojIwkE3I1pqL-xBhYOxLyyeJVB9ifItF1GBXuT3AmujTSNlTJiiHJ9TDBn8BNrl7BsXM3-lgVx1s2TKwhZuYUSikDlb8-XxrBMMWcp1E9V_RkB7eJxuEMdfUvEO_5o1K_lWs-RH8natRmDfVXA/w640-h638/278472970_2559134680884426_1586861678218353328_n.jpg" width="640" /></span></a></div><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">The next day.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">I went to sleep a little sad. I had been re-reading some of my blog posts. I always thought that depression, distraction, unburdening of possessions and cats were the major themes. But I have written quite a lot loss and grief, too. And here I was thinking I didn't know a thing about it ... or not so much.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">I dreamt I had to drink a Coors last night. Might have been a Coors Lite.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">I have been listening to Adam Schiff's <i><a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2021/10/19/books/review/adam-schiff-midnight-in-washington.html">Midnight in Washington: How We Almost Lost Our Democracy and Still Could.</a></i> It's quite a long book and I have two hours of listening before it gets automatically returned. So I should do that. I recommend it highly, although it assails and astonishes one with the number of crimes committed by the Fucknutshitgibbon Administration. The utter callous, calculating, and cowardly behavior of the GOP is stupefying. One wonders where the reality, the common ground might be. Maybe we are all just free-falling.</span></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJg7cNGowmi22COdrkZKDznkqd_1KY0AZv0RXI-e1XCk7dHhwK3NfPnJcCZ1gfkzaSv7RUuYM5Bc_5FwbPuDb9DMYNLGCHFQQurzBLJ_DQVp4w29oYUZKMfgkOjHXLOfd-V41q9mh0S0IGtqf5u44_KLY_zJOgFeTmEs4oNRv2ewu1WOajtjKk6fyc1g/s4032/IMG_7607.JPG" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJg7cNGowmi22COdrkZKDznkqd_1KY0AZv0RXI-e1XCk7dHhwK3NfPnJcCZ1gfkzaSv7RUuYM5Bc_5FwbPuDb9DMYNLGCHFQQurzBLJ_DQVp4w29oYUZKMfgkOjHXLOfd-V41q9mh0S0IGtqf5u44_KLY_zJOgFeTmEs4oNRv2ewu1WOajtjKk6fyc1g/w480-h640/IMG_7607.JPG" width="480" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span><p></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Let Love,</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">the water of life</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">flow through our veins.</span></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Let a Love-drunk mirror</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">steeped in the wine of dawn</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">translate the night.</span></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">You who pour the wine,</span></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">put the cup of oneness in my hand</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">and let me drink from it</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">until I can’t imagine separation.</span></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Love, you are the archer.</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">My mind is your prey.</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">Carry my heart</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">and make my existence your bullseye.</span></span></p><p class="p2" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 13px;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"></span></p><p class="p3" style="font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;">— Rumi, <i>Gold</i>, translated by Haleh Liza Gafori, New York Review of Books, New York, 2022</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Gill Sans;"><br /></span></p><p><br /></p>Sally Anne Syberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18185300944480396559noreply@blogger.com2