Letter to a friend.
Just wanted to express my sadness and support at the recent loss of your father. The last couple of years have been turbulent and trying (for both of us — and others as well). Knowing what I do know of your family and more personal histories, I cannot imagine that you are not feeling fairly overwhelmed with memories (good and bad), life choices (good and bad), regret, and lots and lots of outright pain. Breathe deeply.
I would that I could ease some of your burden. I know of no other way through the morass save for through it. Wade into the deep water and start swimming. All that I can attest to, witness to, is that the swimming itself can be good, feel good; you gain strength and lots of it gets easier.
Hell, sometimes you are just floating on your back in the sunshine and chillin' out.
Stay with that therapist and go to AA meetings if you can. I am finding a stability in daily or "committed practice."
P.S. Always know that if I can help you, I will.