Wednesday, May 11, 2011

ANNIVERSAIRE DE TRISTESSE

This is the face I often wake up to. Sometimes, she tries to substitute the other end.





















Grief is just one of life's hench-pitfalls that does not play fair. Anytime, anywhere is open season for a sucker punch or a steep slide into sadness.

Tomorrow is the second anniversary of Carl's death. I keep thinking it is not bothering me and then find myself zoning out in a myriad of ways. There's a hole in my heart, in my life. And it burns sometimes more than others.



Action shot of Tupelo.

Of course, May 12 is the birthday of about ten people I know, some of my closest closest friends.  If you are reading this, happy birthday. I love you. 

Anyway, ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch. I think loss of a sibling is so terrible that no one wants to even address it. I still have a parent, a rocking one at that. But, as I have observed, losing a sibling was losing a part of myself. Two years later it has not ceased being disorienting, unbalancing somehow. 

Only a day and a half left. I admit I have not been as productive today, again, as I would have liked, but the bathroom is nearly done, and I can see lots of surface space on my desk. And the evening is not yet over. 

Again, there are many things I might attribute to cause for mood swings, but I am swinging moodily. The down is not so very down, not unmanageably so. And I often have bursts of ... contentment or feeling accomplished. 

Miep thinks the bed is her domain. She will jump up and miao at anyone who approaches it.
I didn't take any pictures today. We (John, Mel, and I) got the car tuned up. I had a sweet sweet afternoon nap.


2 comments:

  1. Well I wrote this whole long thing and then it got deleted. But just so you know, I am thinking about you!!!

    xoxoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you for writing about this. It is hard to imagine how you must feel. I am glad we talked recently, so I can understand a little bit. I am sending you love and goodness. xo

    ReplyDelete