Wednesday, January 26, 2011


When we last left our hero, she was climbing back on the wagon and the road. Sleep has been easier than sometimes but it doesn't happen in an instant. I can't be sure what is going on, but I feel like I am dreaming and awake at the same time ... weird dream-images and all, but not really resting. Then I just wake myself.

And how is that I was nearly unconscious at 6:00 and still awake now? (Well, we can thank FMB for pointing out an RT live download site. Can't pass that up for mere depression.)

Somedays being in therapy is walking into a wall of your own pain. And you are not sure how it got thrown up, or appeared, quite suddenly, right in front of you as you are on a full-speed rage, or grappling with the slick handrail of a difficult topic. I feel as if I cried for hours, but I know I did not.

I suppose I might have happened upon (another!!) mother lode of psychic pain.

Given my current circling of despair and feeling generally obzocky, maybe this okay. Maybe I will get through these frustrations and failures.

Five things I did today:
1) Unloaded dishwasher
2) Downloaded RT
3) Straightened kitchen before bed
4) Left the house to go to therapy
5) Mailed stuff.
6) Finished reading a book (number six for the year)
7) Listened to a lot of music

(Not all that productive.)

Things I didn't do:
1) spend any money
2) drink
3) eat too much
4) get a parking ticket
5) take a nap
6) yoga ;-(


  1. What's RT, if this can be told? I'm impressed with all your straightening. I rarely straighten anything, and so I live crookedly. If I straighten a painting, it tends to fall off the wall. Good job on that. Also about the dishwasher. When I had one, I didn't seem to use enough dishes to justify it, and there was risk of cockroaches finding it (I think they're only efficient when you have a large household and you keep needing your dishes so you are forced to unload and load frequently. I'm joining you in insomniating due to a slight muscle pull from resumed exercise class keeping me awake. Good luck with the therapy and the yoga and finding a reason to live and stuff.

  2. Russian TV? Rotten Tomatoes? Please, don't leave us in suspense!

  3. Richard Thompson I'm assuming?

  4. Thank you for teaching me a new word. OBZOCKY. I would like to hear that pronounced. I tried using the text to speech function on the Mac and it only spelled it out. Hmm. Made me think that sometimes things have to be spelled out for me to get them.