Thursday, January 13, 2011


Well, kind of a loaded gun for me.

Besides struggling with food, I wrestle pretty seriously with alcohol. For the last two years, my relationship with alcohol has improved greatly. For the last six months or so, I haven't had alcohol in my house on a regular basis. The rule has been no alcohol in the house unless there is a dinner party.

For whatever reason, I broke that rule this week. I was at Trader Joe's in Manahattan where there is a wine store attached. I bought a stock. That was Monday. I drank one bottle with my friend, John V. But tonight I opened a bottle of red. I have consumed most of it. Reminding me, that I cannot have red wine in the house when I am tout seul, all by myself.

I thought perhaps documenting the experience might help me understand it. And maybe I will document a couple of episodes, here, too.

During the holiday, I relaxed my non-drinking to allow it in a general sense. During that time, I was never really DRUNK, although I consumed enough to disrupt my sleep now and again. But none of that hangover nonsense. This alone constituted an accomplishment for me. When I am in California, I generally do not hesitate to drink and carry on with over indulgence. And, although I was not entirely sober, I was reasonable and restrained.

However, it has been a l-i-t-t-l-e bit challenging for me to kick the alcohol habit since I have been back. Again, I have not found myself in any regrettable or remorseful situations, but I have been drinking more than I would like to.

Net result to tonight: drank more than I really planned to, and thinking about that.


  1. This is good stuff and a powerful awareness. Love to hear more.

  2. I can identify with the yearning for a copa or two of Merlot or Malbec. I used to only drink it when the kids were with Dan, but now there's no control. Luckily, when I'm working, a glass or two is all it takes to get that tightness out of the neck muscles. I'm sure valium would be better, but I'm still seduced by the slow suicide, the taste, etc.