Tuesday, January 18, 2011


"Follow the Yellow Brick Road" is the soundtrack in my head this evening. I wonder what that represents?

The day wasn't really an actual bad one for me, but land o'goshen, it was a struggle struggle struggle for me. I might have had an epiphany, though. All this practice of consciousness and being in the moment can really help when you bite on your own hook of negative thinking and get caught in your own line of ... well, your stuff, your bs, your challenges ... however you would like to say it.

I played dodge ball all day long with my mental garbage, and I was doing the heaving as well as the dodging. And all that hazzerai and sturm und drang gets in the way of getting down to what I feel and think. Or be.

I made several (relatively small) decisions and just agonized over them, using my indecision as a way to flood myself with negative information, fear, and just other general crap and static.

I cannot imagine that other, more well-adjusted folks, can work themselves into a state of mini-agitation about what to eat for lunch or whether to head into the city in inclement weather. I am quite sure there are more important things in life, even for me.

I tussled and wrassled  through. Kathleen helped. I am still in an emotionally discomfited mental space, but I feel I have an approach to dealing with it. The Susannah-suggested breathing did help, and I did remember to do it.

Best now to get some rest and do good work tomorrow.

1 comment:

  1. I made a silly trip to work to get something I thought I'd lost, but had actually put in my purse. I not only lose things when I'm under stress, but
    think I've lost things when I haven't. Of course the cat thinks he doesn't have any cat food when he actually does. Of course here I am mostly spared the "inclement weather" variable, but I find others. Seems like you're doing well. I resist letting "Yellow Brick Road" inhabit my brain, but I downloaded the R. Thompson song you mentioned, and though it's much too sad, I'd give that one acoustic headroom.