A PRICE FOR TRUTH TELLING

Continuing on with Tell Me True: Memoir, History, and Writing a Life,

… the truth telling of memoir comes at a price. For the project of memoir—a lone voice telling its tale—can rouse sleeping dogs that others would rather let lie. The tale told can, for example, conflict with the narratives of power; and power can be not too happy about that.”
—Annette Koback, Whose War? from above.

My perusal of earlier posts reminded me of the rift with R this past summer. That and that we were close enough to be in regular(ish) contact, so I miss him and wonder how he is. I wonder further what, in my ruminations about my father’s affection for and consumption of porn might have triggered such vociferation from him.

I know that it was not only R’s objection to the discussion but his frustration with my life, what I “get away with” in terms of life style on no money, and other miscreancies, but something went off inside him. His condescending, faux-authoritarian, out-of-hand and inappropriate attitude toward me made “infuriate” a weak word for describing my response. What is the vocabulary intersection of infuriate, vociferate, livid and hysteria? (I admit it. I rarely call up and scream ‘fuck you’ repeatedly … and he did make me so angry that I did stand on my stoop screaming into my mobile.) I forgot to add his judgmental tone …


... we all perceive events—public and private—through the double prism of of culture and personal experience, and it resonates in the multiple echo chambers of memory.
—Helen Epstein, Coming to Memoir as a Journalist, from Tell Me True: Memoir, History, and Writing a Life

Yes, well, I am not sure what cultural and personal events in R's past are causing or caused any of this. Upon reflection, I realized that, even after a couple of decades of being friends, I knew almost nothing about R's childhood, parents, or any of the other dear detail ephemera that mortar up the emotions and understanding in close friendships. 


Meanwhile, I thought this fellow on the train had an interestingly shaped head.