The
wish to lead out one’s lover must be a tribal feeling; the wish to be seen as
loved is part of one’s self-respect.
Elizabeth
Bowen, The Death of the Heart
I’m on
the Metro North train, Hudson line, headed up to Rhinebeck for an evening and a
day of work with Louise. I came up with a couple more half-ideas today. I have
my back to the river, … that seems as if I am missing an opportunity.
That
Bowen observation is interesting. I have wondered about love and being seen.
The feeling of being met in your heart and soul and intellect is something
beyond rare, incomparable, to be sure.
And
while we are on the subject, what is beyond rare on the continuum of quality
and cosmic-iticy?
Which
reminds me of one of the nicknames I had during my (long) period of being a
Dead Head. There is a particular contingent that still refers to me as “Cosmic”
or “Cosmic Sally” … I had thoroughly forgotten about all of those personas. There
are many more, Sally Sometimes being the most notorious.
Well,
as long as I am just digressing up a storm, I might as well cop to my
ruminations of the past few days about the Grateful Dead. I think I was doing
some research for the music/record business project and somehow discovered that
there had been a second release of Dead music from their 1972 tour, perhaps the
apex of their creativity. I managed to get my hands on it and then began a
spate of music conversations about the merits and sublimities of the Dead. (Also, for anyone sensitive to harmony and tone, the sublimities of the Dead is likely not a possible concept.)
As I
confessed to SC in a inebriated email (writing version of drunk dialing?), the
Dead meant something to me, for me, about me that I am utterly loathe to admit
or discuss in my adult life. But when I hear the music from their best periods,
I am utterly touched and moved. Perhaps that music is too redolent of my young
and innocent self for any mature, cynical denial. Notes heard before, yet still shot through with
expectation, hope, and wonder. I was quite shaped by my obsession with the
band, not unlike many others. But I never did the "tour" thing, only saw them a lot in California. And by the late 1970's, I had moved on to The Talking Heads, Elvis Costello, Nick Lowe, and The Sex Pistols.
I wonder, if, when I reread this, I will see a connection with the Elizabeth Bowen quote.
 |
| Cosmo by firelight. |
Definitely thought-provoking. Seemingly more relative to young love, as opposed to love that has matured over some amount of years. Although my grandparents and great aunts and uncles still walk happily arm-in-arm at weddings, etc. Puts a warm glow on everything else.
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