Tuesday, December 13, 2011

SKIES ARE STILL BLUE

From the walkway, looking west-ish, Propect Park West apartment houses.
Tonight is another "meh" night. I probably wouldn't even write except that I have to stay up and finish the bread making process. John and Mel invited me up for lasagna and I am stuffed. I shouldn't approach cooking as long term projects, but I end up doing that. I thought the bread would be a good recipe as you can leave a lot of time in between some of the steps. And the dough looked good to me, notwithstanding that it is the first time I have ever made bread. I am learning a bit about it though.

I am struggling with the big D depression now. I haven't succumbed to it, but now I am getting a bit worried. After all, it really isn't even winter yet. Skies are still blue a fair amount of the time. I know the greyer skies and colder air will be here imminently. I am trying to get the means to get on medication again.

Same place, in the park.
The day was not an easy one for me. I did manage to get up to the alarm, get my editing work done, do some other stuff (what was that?), take my park walk, go to therapy, go to Louise's after and do some work, grocery shop at Trader Joe's (they still had lime popsicles!), have dinner upstairs, and now, back to bread baking.

I do think my energy and musing will be renewed soonish. I have been mulling over a lot of things about me and my life, my expectations, my personal myths, my dreams about what I wanted from life. I don't anticipate many of them are going to happen, such as having a place that has plenty of room.

I've begun to think that I need to simplify my life. To get rid of more of the things I have so carefully and lovingly created. I think some of these possessions just pressure me. Or I am hanging on to for a rainy day or something more significant to change. I think I am "salting" in with my ideas and dreams and not getting on with ... what?  reality?

So, the plan is to move toward de-accession. I need to invest in some other equipment in order to be a premium seller on eBay and Etsy, but it will probably be worth it.

Stay tuned.

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