Monday, July 8, 2013

1 + 1 AIN'T 2

Mexican day lily. I guess they meant it only lasts a day.
Ah hell. Maybe it is just time to cry. There have been tear flurries since the pageant of Mary's passing, but the waterworks have mostly been on drizzle. Now, though, I am writing a difficult email in an important relationship that I think should be on hold. (On a cheerier note, Cooder just walked into the room ... at 2:00 in the afternoon, which must mean the weather is somewhat cooler. Is it just checking-in pets ... she is marking my laptop with her face as I type ... or is it [more likely] greenies time?)

So, the old Bertha fan is in the living room window. This keeps this room a bit cooler. I can see A packing her car for the move to Arizona and this, too, hit me with some sadness. Pretty scary and brave to be driving across country for a new job. She's a practical kid, full of good sense, so I am sure she will be fine, do well, and all that, but she won't be around as much. I can only imagine how her parents feel if I am so sad.

Sensibly, Cooder has ensconced herself on the Stickley reproduction rocking chair that she has called her own for many years (just one of a couple of rocking chairs known as hers). This gives me an opportunity to make my bed and vacuum my room, which sorely needs it. And then maybe I will take one of my not-happening-yet-five-times-a-week walk.

I was able to check in with John today, who is dealing with the myriad of issues in his mother's estate. Lots of red tape and I would imagine realization kinds of things setting in. 

Here's a small tidbit of more positive moi-news. Notwithstanding this brutal heat, I have been able to sleep without medication these last couple of nights. And not just unmedicated sleep, un-air-conditioned sleep! I have woken up a few times, and the usual spectre of middle-of-the-night-bummerness-and-night-misery was available, but I avoided for the most part.

I got this email in response to my Night Humming post:

it sometimes goes from little victories (if you want to call them that) to microscopic victories and I am learning to take that

been very much in deep mind lately pondering "What's it all about Alfie?" stuff

due to who knows?  the book I just finished (Information by James Gleick) or the one I'm just immersed in (The Exegesis of Phillip K. Dick, an incredibly dense book that I can read a paragraph or two or a page and stop and go Whew!!) 

the philosophy of religion class, your blog postings of late, remembering to remember, waking up earlier, an ecstatic dance camp I attended with Deb, new synth app that blows the mind (Alchemy), the music I'm learning from YouTube (Nick Drake), the new age/ambient stuff I'm listening to now (and often)

 who knows, 

but lately I'm feeling I've found a thread that I'm pulling on but rather than unravelling it seems like I've hooked some metaphysical fish that is pulling me in.  Very interesting.  People are asking why I am unusually quiet of late.

This is why

But it's hard to say that to someone and not feel too precious or self involved

I guess I've rhetorically asked myself Go Figure! so often that I have gone ahead to figure

I've brought along my own personal calculus and right now 1+1 ain't =2



Fig. 1 - Metaphysically balanced.

No comments:

Post a Comment