TANGLED UP IN WHO?

This is just a guess, but I imagine that most of you are not toggling between the songs Witchita Lineman (as a result of recently reading about Glen Campbell's Alzheimer's) and Two Ladies (from Cabaret and I have no idea why) in your mental soundtrack. I am not at all sure this is good for my mental health, but I'll be in bed soon enough.

Miep had an on and off kind of day. She's in her usual spot on the bed right now, but she had some weird spells. (Then again, who doesn't?) Her doc kind of wants me to hospitalize her but I have no funds for that sort of thing.


 Tupie is still in the hospital. I visited him this afternoon and sent John some pictures.

He is more alert, but clearly does not feel so hot. He 

would scarcely purr or anything. We hope he is eating

tomorrow so that further tests can be done.

 And as for me? Not a terrible day. Even though it is a bit dog's-mouth-ish, it is not debilitating. I had to take the photos for a friend's 50th birthday part that I cannot attend. I hate taking pictures of myself. At leat I had a little fun here.

Perhaps I have never mentioned it here, but one of the main things I remember my father saying to me as a child, when I asked for anything, was "And people in Hell want ice water."

Up to now, it has been rather amusing and picturesque. But I am beginning to see how deeply dismissive and possibly angry this statement was.

As one of my dear friends described me, I have a tendency to be "cavalier" here and there. And I think this is true, inasmuch as it pains me. That kind of attitude is very much at odds with my do-gooder, progressive, lefty mentality. I like to cultivate kindness and connectedness. I greatly value consideration and strive to be considerate.

I find that I fall short of my own goal there.

My father, as I might have mentioned earlier, really did whatever he wanted. He came first. And he did not do what he did not want to do. I think I have internalized this message in some unhelp/health/ful ways.

My father was not a bad person. I am not trying to discredit or disrespect him. But I confuse myself and I am trying to get untangled.