Thursday, June 16, 2011


So Miep probably has a kidney infection. She ate a bit and drank today, as well as moving around, so I hope that I can get her on antibiotics. That is something of a relief. (This just in: walking around with tail up looking for pets.)

Ouroboros is the snake eating its own tail. I don't feel as if I am eating my own tail, or entirely returning to old cycles as much as slowing the cycle down to see what I am doing. There's a big miasma of my behavior that is apparently unrelated, but I am hunkering down to see how the disparate chunks relate.

I am being abstract, I realize. This is pre-verbal. One part is my internalization of (what I peg to be) a male dismissiveness. It wouldn't be fair to say that I am un-or-disconnected, but I can be a bit cavalier about commitments, particularly social ones. (Now that I've said that, I really have to think about whether or not it is true.) That feeds into, but is not the only part of, my struggles with being prompt. I don't care terribly about others being right on time, unless it is to a movie, concert, or public transportation. Similarly, I don't always get wrapped up in expectations of social events.

So, I am examining my ideas of commitment to a range of "commitments," and whether my laissez-faire attitude is California-bliss-ninny-go-with-the-flow or something closer to disrespectful or passive aggressive or some other dis-word.

Some might think I have a sliding scale of who is important or the most fun. And I am thinking about whether that is true. But I also bring a certain level of pragmatism, what social event makes the most sense at a given time.

Oh well.

I am finding All Things Shining both pertinent and interesting, but I will save that for another post.


  1. I really love your subway photos.

  2. Most of the people I know who are always late expect others to be on time, so I'm glad you're not like that. I took the bus back from the airport partially to take a picture w/ my dumbphone of the interior of a moving bus. It came out blurry. I am even more impressed by your snaps.
    If I follow my own nature, I am usually a half an hour early. Since I interact a lot with hispanics, I have to quell my nature. My preference is to slip in un noticed. My latish friends tend to want to be noticed and appreciated, "je veux qu'on me distingue" and are in horror of arriving when things are still boring and they might have to wait around. I don't think that's your motivation.