Tuesday, April 23, 2013

THE POWER AND THE CHANCE


"Maybe they are more aware of the gap between men and beasts, being more occupied with the likenesses, the links, the whole of which living things are a part."
Ursula K. LeGuin, The Left Hand of Darkness


The morning tends to be a more thoughtful, contemplative time for me. As you have heard from this quarter on other occasions, I had more interesting ideas about possible musing topics fresh from dreamland as I woke up. Now those pensées are long gone.

Although the buds continue to bud apace, it was cold-ish, or I could just come out and say chilly, and damp today, although I don't believe it actually rained. I was supposed to go to the city to see my friend Susan Siegal's opening. Check out her site. And here a couple of examples I copied from her site:
All rights and permissions for this image held by Susan Siegal.


All rights and permissions for this image held by Susan Siegal.

I think they are fabulous and I was pleased to have been on the opening invitation list. But it is certainly difficult for me to rouse myself out of Brewster. One would have thought the better weather would lighten my travelling spirits. But not yet.

Still working on the kids' media research project, but that is almost done. Had a good chat with JR and Louise about Monsterwood. Louise knocked out a great draft and we are getting some interest in it. That's a long way from getting any money, but real interest is something. And we have a short term game plan to try to move forward.

I really need to get out a bit more, so my newest (!!) resolution is to leave the property every day. I returned some books to the library (finally returned The Left Hand of Darkness), bought more tortillas and Mexican cheese at the Latino grocery on Main Street, and then I went for a bit of a drive. That was kind of cool. I wanted to listen to more of Storm of Swords (it is 39 discs and I am only on 11). I stumbled upon the famous local orchard, Salinger's. I had been trying to figure out where it is from here. Bought a damn apple cider doughnut! I am human, after all. And some local honey which M and I are trying as allergy combatant. And some snapdragons all ready to plant.

Not sure what the weather will be tomorrow, but I hope it is warm and dry enough for a bit of gardening. I have lots of seeds to get into the ground. 

I have been going to bed late and consequently getting up a bit later than I would like so I will to bed soon and perhaps make more significant progress in Summer Will Show.

I had a dream last night about my old friend and running buddy, Bruce, who died of AIDS in 1997. Back in the day, we were Deadheads. His old VW was called The Brokendown Phallus (a pun on Brokedown Palace) while mine was commonly referred to as The Ship (Ship of Fools). I really hadn't even thought of Bruce in a very long time. When he finally came out, he spent a bit of time being misogynistic, possibly a bit of backlash for having had to play it straight, but, while I could understand it, it still hurt my feelings and we drifted apart. We did reconcile before his death. And I well remember when I found out he was HIV positive. I had nightmares for days and days and days. 

I cannot imagine what triggered thoughts of him, unless it was a short email repartee I had with another friend from that era, EJH, who, besides having recently welcomed his first granddaughter, informed me that he is retiring in a week at age 60, a multi-millionaire. While I am happy for EJH who remains an affectionate friend notwithstanding decades of non-communication, I could not help but ponder my own state of being, which is much closer to trying to jumpstart a career. EJH and I were involved for a time in our youths, so there is always the "what if" ...

"A profound love between two people involves, after all, the power and the chance of doing profound hurt."
Ursula K. LeGuin, The Left Hand of Darkness


The forsythia, too, shall pass.




1 comment:

  1. Your friend captures the feeling of dreams beautifully in her work.

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