There is already a tendency to rush kicking in on a deep level. Yesterday, I found myself getting extremely stressed. On set, food is everywhere. I scarcely went out of the house yesterday, save to dig up some fold-up tables from the garage to increase my work space (they were kind of nice, too, bigger than tv trays ... I'll have to tag them in the yard sale.)
Today will be grueling again, although not as long, I hope. I was pretty much at it from when I got out of bed at 6:30 until 9:30, with some food breaks. And a quick phone call or two to lament the untimely passing of beloved Cosmo.
My concern today, is that I am getting in that "too tired to think" mode and that is not an option. So, although rushing seems like the thing to do, I think I need to take a shower, and maybe get in a walk. My head could use some clearing and rather than jumping back to focus, maybe I need to unfocus more ...
Well, I just took a grief break and cried about Cosmo, wrote to Louise and Erik, and I feel a little bit better. Cosmo had a lot of presence. Iris recently lost her dog, Wixlii, after a long illness, and although it was sad, it didn't have the thunderbolt shock of Cosmo's death.
Love is love. Beings are beings. There isn't a sliding scale or hierarchy of loss of a loved one, a breathing, affectionate, personality with whom you shared your life. Be it a purring presence in your bed, warming your feet, chirping you good morning. We invest our attention and love in these creatures and they in us. A loss of a loved is just that, as profound, moving, devastating, and valuable as any loss. Love is love.