Wow. I did not know that "emo" could be such a shock to the system. Thinking that maybe I should get out of the house, I wandered down to the Red Horse Cafe, to drink some coffee and use their internet. Wow, again. I guess I don't get out much. Maybe they have a stereotype quotient here. I wish I could take photographs because the ambiance, the vibe was so strong. Readers. Writers. Actors! Directors! Bloggers. Quainter than the places I have been in Manhattan. I guess I have not ventured into internet cafe land in Brooklyn before.
I like working out of my house, but in these days of extra personal stress, I can be too prone to states of being overwhelmed.
Good coffee, here, though, and a tasty croissant.
The photo is from when I actually found a good place to sit. Where I am now sitting, sat two dour, intense, apparently humorless writers, clearly a couple, yet engrossed in their individual work. I realize that folks are not sitting around waiting for my judgment, and I certainly don't like to be judged, but they were so ... of a set piece. These two were dressed alike. Their facial expressions were the same. I'm sure I just observed them in a particular moment, but it was very nearly funny.
Everyone had their device, everyone was working away, very quietly. There was not a feeling of chatter and camraderie, which is also okay. But it was rather like walking on to a set with all the extras very focussed, just before the director yelled, action, or the heroine burst through the door.
And listen, all you sweet lovelies. The immediate cash crunch is in abeyance. I called Con Ed to make sure that I understood where I stood, only to have someone be as sweet as sugar and inform me that I had a credit! Thanks to all of your amazing donations, I am close to ... well, absolutely not solvent, but I even had money to restock the kitty litter and the lime popscicles.
Now, to just find some self-confidence and a job.
I hope you realize how astonishing and wonderful you all have been. I've said it before but it bears repeating that I hope I never forget how hard and in how many different ways it is to struggle with career, finances, and psychic/psychological survival. I am now grateful and graced by YOUR kindness, mercy, and compassion. And I hope you all feel yourselves blessed by me but mostly by your own acts of community and selflessness.
Now print that out and put it over your desks!
|One more cup of coffee 'til I go ...|
|This woke me up this morning.|
P.S. As I published thispost, I realized I sounded awfully calm and chipper, which might be striking from my last few missals. I assure you I am only having a momentary reprieve. There was something so lightening about calling my three financial nemeses and not having to wrangle or argue or finagle or anything. That lessening of stress, even for a few minutes, changed my world for the moment.
So, I am "emo" myself.