There's a bit of the sunset at Prospect Park where I walked with B this afternoon. The light was beautiful but I am not seeing as I do when my mood is lighter so I did not take many photographs. As I observed on FB this morning, tossing and turning is certainly not rollin' and tumblin'. I just could not fall all the way asleep last night. I would dreamdoze and then be awake, tossing and turning. Too bad all that tossing and turning doesn't burn any significant calories, because I felt as if I were doing some kind of miserable drill.
The better news is that the restlessness was not caused by abject fear or despair. Those are the nights that are terrible. And I was just drowsy enough to not want to get up to take a sleeping aid for fear of disrupting the level of relaxation I had reached. Even now at 7:25 I am fighting to stay awake. If only I could sustain this sleepiness until 10:00. Like as not, I will get another wind.
I did work on writing projects and selling on eBay today. (You can check out my goods under "xosas" which is my seller name.) I tell myself that this is a process and this too will get easier as I do more of it. Tomorrow I get to go back to therapy after 12 days and that might orient me in a more productive way.
In the meantime, I slosh along through my personal swamp of unperformed chores, and carry the visual burden of environmental disorganization. ... Perhaps under-organization would be better. I will check on my carmelizing onions, work on my pots and pans re-org, and try to do some restorative yoga before I hit the hay, having taken some sleeping potion, and yet again! hope for a brighter day tomorrow.
Pots and pans re-organization well underway, with dusty pots having been put through the dishwasher (I almost never use it). I can finish up in the morning when I am a little clearer and more decisive. For now, a bit of restorative yoga and back to the battle of the bed.