Friday, March 8, 2013

HER MADNESS IS MY MADNESS

I am sure it will come as no surprise to any of you that (a) Cooder is looking for Greenies; (b) I have not made enough progress in The Island of Dr. Moreau; and (c) I am sleepy. And now on to other concerns.

I did listen to a couple more sections of the lectures for Know Thyself. You can still join me and Louise and 70, 000 other students! I don't know if it helped but I did do the meditation and breathing practices. I now know that the Athenian jury that tried Socrates had 501 jurors. Stay tuned for more interesting factoids.

We also had to list some of our characteristics. There was some talk that folks aren't very good judges of themselves. Be that as it may, and notwithstanding that we aren't supposed to share them, I am going to share with y'all. You won't tell Mitch.

Considerate, communicative, smart, passionate, Romantic (in the fatally intellectual way), affectionate, sad, relaxed, curious, short-fused, self-conscious, underdisciplined, spendy, good listener (attentive?), forgiving, fair-minded (or strive to be), entrepreneurial, media-obsessed, argumentative, insecure, persistent, unsuccessful, empathetic, interested, homebody, insistent, loyal. (Did I miss anything?)

I shall keep you posted as the class progresses, assuming I stay in. Louise likes it.

I was pretty down today. Kind of life-panicky on all fronts. Had a hard time concentrating. Very fearful and, well, sad. I suppose the occasional day of anxiety is to be expected. I still have a lot of life decisions to make. And why would my good spirits and optimism last? Gotta get rid of those delusions. Maybe I should add delusional to the list.

Allview House on a snowy March morning.

I did do some cooking tonight for the first time in ages: orecchiette with roasted broccoli, roasted onions with balsamic and garlic, roasted brussels sprouts, fresh parmesan, and panko bread crumbs. Richie is home from college for a week, so we are back to thinking vegetarian.

Is "lost" a character trait?

Well, I hope the anxiety and depression madness passes. We do lose an hour but maybe gain some sunshine tomorrow night. I know. I didn't mention that I had a correspondence with a FB "friend" this morning, someone I only know from a photography group. She was lamenting her life and I thought I would mention that she is not alone. That was kind of a depressing interchange, but it was likely a decent, human thing to do.

Is "human (all too)" a character trait?

Afternoon walk with Albert.

We did hit some magic hour light.

It does seem as if I had some other things to tell you. The day started off well enough with another FB "friend", one who curates a Rethinking World Literature Group saying




So that should have floated my little boat for the day. But no. Okay. Bed time. Here's a poem because I haven't posted or sent any in forever.

Tis Late 

Of course the tall stringy woman
draped in a crocheted string-shawl 
selling single red carnations
coned in newsprint the ones
she got at the cemetery
and resells with a god bless you
for a dollar that same woman 
who thirty years ago
was a graduate student
in playwriting who can and will
recite "At the round earth's
imagined corners, blow--"
announces silently amidst her louder
announcements that the experiment
some amateurs mixed of
white fizzing democracy
with smoky purple capitalism
has failed. We already knew that.
Her madness is my madness
and this is my flower in a cone
of waste paper I stole from
someone's more authentic grief
but I will not bless you
as I have no spirit of commerce
and no returning customers
and do not as so many must
actually beg for my bread. It is another
accident of the lab explosion
that while most died and others lost legs
some of us are only vaguely queasy
at least for now 
and of course mad conveniently mad
necessarily mad because 
"tis late to ask for pardon" and
we were so carefully schooled 
in false hope schooled
like the parrot who crooks her tongue
like a dirty finger
repeating what her flat bright eyes deny. 
 



And here's my favorite picture of the day.





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