I have a few friends who are in similar circumstances. Truthfully and gratefully, I am, perhaps, in a better position as I have the staunch and stalwart (you KNOW who you are) who work on my behalf nearly daily. MW saw the photos of the Brewster train station and lamented that this is exactly where he wants to be, if not NYC, and not where he is in a forsaken corner of Southern California.
The other day, MMA responded to my post with this: "I think the key to your situation can be summed up in one word: pragmatism." I've been mulling this over and, as I do with any well-intentioned insight, attempting to incorporate this into my situation. This is a bit of a challenge as I am so blown-apart internally, spiritually, that I don't feel I can reasonably, pragmatically, reliably, find a bit of ground or experience inside me to start any healing process.
I truly do feel utterly undone, only not undone enough to not exist.
pragmatic: relating to matters of fact or practical affairs often to the exclusion of intellectual or artistic matters; practical as opposed to idealistic ...
I am not convinced that existence is better than non-existence. "I" didn't exist for a long time and the world did just fine without me. "I" am here now and life does not seem to be improving for most.
I will keep working on the pragmatism concept and see what I can come up with.
I believe, thanks to Mom, I pick up my car tomorrow.
Here are some snaps I took in a Bushwick (I first typed Bushwish) coffee shop bathroom a couple of weeks back.