Monday, February 27, 2012

REASON DOES NOT MUCH OBTAIN

Yeah, it was a tough day today, wrangling those bills. I couldn't even face all of them, but I still have a day or two until direness really sets in. The day went by, now it is 10:48, and I am not entirely certain of all that happened.

Emmylou has the cat crazies and is running up and down the apartment, something she doesn't do all that often. Cooder even got up to watch, perhaps thinking that a chase could be fun, but now they have both disappeared.

I was quite on edge today, talking with my bill collector friends, trying to figure out how to balance, stretch, and juggle the income I have. And those kittehs. They are so sensitive, I think. They were both needy and climbing up on the dining room table, where I work part of the time, having read that it is a good idea to have more than one work station if you can. My initial reaction was to shoo them off, yell at them, and not be very nice. I remembered, though, that they are my beloved companions and that reason does not much obtain with them. Impatience is not an appropriate reason to be rough or loud. Instead, I tried to stop and play with Emmy, give some extra treats to Cooder, and to calm down a bit, even if internally.

I did play too much solitaire (but, just to be clear, we are talking about 30 minute jags every couple of hours). I made a small amount of progress on CodeAcademy. Again, I found myself quite angry and stressed and very nearly discouraged. Frustrated. I got up and walked around. I reminded myself that coding is a different way of thinking, just like learning a new language. Just because it is difficult at first does not mean that I cannot learn it, only that I must be patient and open-minded.

And then, this evening, I was graced, blessed, and something short of delivered, perhaps. An old friend had purchased some items on last week's eBay sale. I was sent rather much more than the agreed upon price and told to hang on to the articles until next we met. That is not likely to be soon as this vieux lives far away. This was just out and out kindness and I am tearing now with grateful appreciation.

This whole not-having-money thing teaches quite a bit. I am not comfortable with such a degree of vulnerability; yet, all of us are vulnerable, security being such a illusory state.

I saw my first crocuses today.


And I saw these cute pups waiting for their owners at a bar.


1 comment:

  1. Oh Sally! Your perseverance is downright inspiring, (somehow, I believe I would be crippled with fear and robotically flailing and bumping into walls). I'm imbued with new hope and have a lighter spirit simply by seeing your strength, persistence and gift of seeing through the forest, not missing those things that lift our souls up on onward. Thank you for making my day.

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