Wednesday, February 8, 2012

YES, HERE I AM

Okay, yes, it is true. I am challenged by writing this blog these days. It is not because I am not thinking, musing, and all of that. I am quite ... what? ... full of ... stuff ... thoughts, ideas, plans, frustrations, anxieties, commitments, ... One might say, "Suck it up, sister. That's life."

Not having a regular job requires invention, assessment, and motivation every day. The to-do list changes as the number of set duties and time to accomplish them is up to me. ("And how crazy is that?") While I am quite accomplished at setting priorities for others and keeping them on track, doing it for myself is not such a clear-cut matter. And ascertaining what is most likely to lead to cash, every day, is a moving goal.

So, not complaining, just explaining. This week is one of the big kids' media business conferences, Kidscreen. I can't afford to go, as most of my immediate cohort cannot either. We always talk about doing a panel, but then we don't quite get around to proposing it and all. So another year goes by. I don't do well at this kind of event. Often, my ADHD kicks in. And as if I didn't feel day-to-day angst about the "presentation of self in every day life, " Kidscreen poses even more challenges: you are being judged, and you are competing.

And then comes the ambivalence and insecurity about being in the kids' business. I do love making media for children, but do I love it more than anything else I do? And where is the business going? Really, the question is "where am I going?"

But you knew that.

So, that's where I am at the moment. Time to get back to moderating on occupylive.org, get ready for an editorial conference with KaHug, and figure out what I am going to wear to the Women in Children's Media Cocktail party tonight.

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