Wednesday, February 15, 2012

DO THE JERK (JUST ME AND YOU)

The day after.


Get on up. That is all I am trying to do. And, as it turns out, it is not easy. Does it ever feel as if life is a hungry beast that you must struggle to feed every damn day? No time out. And, appearances can be deceiving; just because I don't have a regular gig does not mean that I have stress free time. This is not a complaint, rather, an explanation or just to share with those fortunate among you who work and have worked almost all your adult lives at fairly regular jobs.

Enough of that. One of the dangdest things about getting older is when ideas/notions/suggestions you have long rejected begin to make incredible sense. And I'll just be positive here, apologies to my comrades-in-bummerness, but I am glad I am seeing it now. The ah-ha! for me continues to be stuff. Holy moley. For the longest time (say, up to now), I did not care nor pay any heed to how much stuff I had accumulated. Folks would say, "Wow. What's going to happen to all of this when you die?"

For years, in SallyAnneFantasyLand™, the thought was "Get lost! All this fabric will be used, patterns used, wool knitted, books and magazines read. All the objects will be more comfortably dispersed in my country home(s). Stop judging me and find something else to do." As I mentioned yesterday, I see that time, while there is some left, is getting shorter. All of these things will not be accomplished. Moreover (oh, that word felt good!), carting around all these thoughts, dreams, schemes, plans, and even ideas about myself prevent me from being fluid and flexible now and in the future.

And, just for those yet to see the sanity of this, digging out is painful and time-consuming. I realize the disparate aspects of psychology, consumerism, history-lust, etc, that have brought me to my personal stuff zone, and I am trying to be chill and kind with myself. But shit, there's a lot to do.

So, for all of you dear friends who were worried about what would happen if I ever moved again, I am working on making that less of an onerous task. And I am trying to focus on the things I love love love and want to be able to see and enjoy more. Less visual noise. More calm. (Well, not too much.)

And now we return to our regularly scheduled programming.

i'm trying my best
to dance dance dance ...



3 comments:

  1. I have a few hundred VHS tapes with countless documentaries, specials, concerts,etc., that I thought I would get to later. and I'm still recording (DVDs now, not tape) hours of TV that I will get to sometime when I have time. what is up with that? foolish optimism? time management hubris?
    Add to that about 200 ninety minutes cassettes of my radio shows, all to put to mp3 format some day, and the thousand albums I never listen to but can't/won't part with. what kind of fool am I?

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  2. My solution to that was an act of god. When the flood got my apartment I lost most of my clothes, books, cds, furniture, cooking stuff. If I hadn't kept things in my office, they were gone. Alex went in and saved my mom's paintings above the water line. If I'd been tidier, I wouldn't have had clean clothes in hampers, etc. I don't recommend that to anyone, but it does make you a little frightened of accumulating stuff. When I moved to a smaller office at work, I had to get rid of desk copies and bring my french books home. I didn't need them, and no libraries wanted them, but I just couldn't bear to throw them away. And, as you know, I am much messier and more of a hoarder by nature than you are. I still keep too many papers, and I am on the ground floor again after a lovely year on the second floor. Bon courage with the sorting!

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  3. I have little doubt that I am a hoarder...It runs in my family, along with a love of history, music, books, old stuff. But I am a neat, organized hoarder, enough so that I only make my husband a little bit crazy. I too am worried what, down the road, to do with it all. I am the one who has kept many old, antique, family items...to preserve them, because I've been grateful to get to see other truly old stuff others have preserved. At some point I'll feel that I must toss or find homes for all my junk/treasures. Not looking forward to that! For now, the stuff I have makes me feel both happy because I like it, and a little panicked at the huge eventual chore...

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