KNOW NOW I AM NEVER

Swimming day! I actually had a good swim today, and that is a bit rare for me, to actually say it was good. The weather was a bit warmer, and quite clear. There are days when it is cooler and overcast that swimming is not as much fun. However, the strokes came easily, I had no trouble doing my usual routine, and still no extra pain or exhaustion. Besides the soft water, there was a clear cloudless sky with two or three dragonflies skittering across the surface of the water.

Janet has been sleeping most of the day. I can appreciate the ... motivation? I do like her to get up and move about each day. Earlier today I put on Renata Scotti's Madame Butterfly. She lay in bed with the cats enjoying it. 

I know there is a bag of potato chips in the cupboard and I am having a hello of a time staying away from it. I will compensate with peanut butter pretzels. 

Many many many days later.

It's a Sunday evening. Janet is watching Alias Grace. I am sitting on my bed with Butterscotch wondering if I will ever find any.

Do you ever feel remonstrated by all of your belongings and objects? So many obligations to the inanimate. I am feeling socked in by everything. I spent a lot of the day doing laundry, folding it and putting it away, then continuing the process of moving the objects/clothing in my drawers all around, making myself discard clothing that has pin holes or even small stains. I did make progress but not near enough.

The tax bill has me almost stopped. I am reeling, as are so many, from the reality that the United States of America has gone completely insane, the colors of our avarice and greed showing every where. 

I think I will take a bath and see if that helps my mood. Be right back.

That helped a little bit. Now for some tea and honey and then sleep. Hopefully, if there is any left in me, I will feel better in the morning. 

I am surrounded by things I collected for a life I now know I am never going to have. This is the life I have.