NEVER TRUST EUPHORIA

It’s a sunny Saturday morning, after a few days of waking up to the grey. Which, of course, does set off the remaining leaved tree in the yard nicely, but still, hard to beat some light cutting through the darkness. Emmylou is curled up at the top of the stairs, just outside my door. Cooder is curled on her pile of pillows, getting some more sleep. I think they have both been on mouse duty at night.

Sunny Sunday afternoon ... but it will be dark in an hour.

Been packing up, which is always an interesting, if simultaneously tiresome, task. I always find things I had forgotten about. Today, I ran across a book of notes for poems, which I was writing for a bit back in the mid-90s. This one must have been an idea for a children's book: The Journey of the Nose, Blowing.

This one is unfinished, and I have no idea who it was written about ... And be kind as these are just scribblings, but 

In A Japanese Restaurant

Sleepy, sated, still weighted with you.
Still wondering.
Still frightened
     Curious
     Confused.
Kicking my feet, yet resting on solid ground.

Racing and napping
My fingers still think satin.
My mouth still thinks honey.
Miss Desire longs for your woodpecker tongue
Incessant
     Incessant
        Yet never enough.

My spirit, my heart hand-locked
Wondering, who was that masked man?
Veiled Arab nomad creepings
Sniffing for the very oil of me.

Random

Never trust euphoria
It felt like falling
Long falling, so long
The ground hurt, you could touch it.
Bank on the pain.
The pain is its own return.
Solid in that pain.

Here is where I start:
I'll get up slowly.
Dodge euphoria.

please anchor my feet ...
One foot, at least ...

Random

Sometimes I can see the woman
I might be, A woman with
Wire bone arms tough and
obvious saying I have lived.
Hands scarred and wizened.

SOME SMALL COMFORT

Dreams aren’t supposed to break your hearts, are they? I’m not talking about conscious dreams, I’m speaking of sleeping dreams. I had this wonderful dream about getting an amazing job. It was some sort of card/paper goods/publishing company, probably somewhat akin to Chronicle Books. The job was both creative and managerial and had some interesting, “cutting edge” technology as well.

The job was very demanding. The interviewer was working on a calendar project that had to do with finding cool events and tidbits for every day, which doesn’t sound that amazing, but it looked great. I was able to offer up an off-the-cuff dialog quote from a tv show that impressed her.

The city we were in was New York, but it was a New York crossed with Venice, canals and beautiful stone or brick buildings, lots of fog. We went to a fabulous upscale, but “underground” restaurant (with a view of the canals, senza dubbio) and somehow my friend Jacqueline, with who I worked in Paris, was there. We had to walk through a strange, funky restaurant that was popular on Sex and the City, to get to this beautiful room with a view.

I was crushed and dismayed to find it had only been a dream.

Last night we put away the pets' food and water as Albert is having surgery today. Cooder drinks a lot of water, so I moved her water dish under the bed where Albert could not get to it. This morning, I came upstairs to see her sitting, patiently, if wearily, in the bathroom where her water dish is usually placed. In her mind, that's where the water is. End of story.

Oooh ... not feeling great today. I went to the grocery to get the rest of the items I needed to make Red Curry Carrot Soup and almost walked out the door without what I had just bought. I napped a lot. But I made the soup. And now I am going back to bed.

Albert had surgery today to remove a tumor in his mouth. So far, the prognosis is good and we are all thankful. The end of the tomatoes.

The end of the tomatoes.

“A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.”

―George Bernard Shaw

I don't know, I think you can do both.

YEAH, YEAH, OH YEAH

Sunday

The wind is roaring this morning. I hope I don’t get a tree limb through a windshield. It’s nice to watch the bare tree tops sway against another Simpson’s opening background of blue and white. The wind was as loud as the ocean. I swear, both MMA and I remarked on that. 

Now on to Monday.

Listening to The Hill and Wood, wondering if they are as lovely and good as I think they are. The harmonies just intoxicate me.

Still Monday, but much later.

I only made it to the library around 4:30. It was a beautiful beautiful temperate autumn day and Albert was in the mood for a walk, so I took him to the Milltown Road reservoir. It was a perfect time of day for snapping pictures, but Albert wanted to move, so I didn't get as many as I would have liked. Here's a bunch.  I was experimenting with lenses and film on Hipstamatic. More text at the end. 

 I thought there were some worthwhile snaps in that bunch. I saved some for another day when it is harder to get pictures. Like when I am in Los Angeles.

It's not as cold at the library today but then again, it was warmer today. 

I am clearly not creating any kind of narrative or inner thought pattern here. And there isn't a lot to report. Still struggling, but the (shhhh and whisper it) dementors apparently have other victims to stalk in this very moment. I'm just making plans to head to California with Cooder for an extended stay with my mom. Emmylou will stay with her Aunt Melinda, Uncle John, and their new used cat, (currently named Shadow ... but I think they are going to change it). 

I'm kind of perky for it being 8:30 in the evening. As usual, I didn't get to some of my much needed work, but I didn't spend the day in bed, so that's always a good thing. I swear, I am in such a terrible and depressed mood when I wake up. And that's after the fun dreams I have like last night wherein I engaged in a long discussion about the benefits of Bitcoin. Ya. Bitcoin is not anything I would have expected to dream about. 

Tomorrow, MMA, AKA, and I are doing some deep cleaning in preparation for upcoming holiday festivities. Check out this version of Sharon Jones singing Just Dropped In to See What Condition My Condition Was In. Hard to believe that song was written by Mickey Newbury and recorded by Kenny Rogers. Pre-yacht rock. Okay, you can sing along. I need to get out of here. I had better take some sleeping aid as soon as I get in or I'll be up all night.

Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Was In)

start of lyrics (Yeah, yeah, oh-yeah, what condition my condition was in)

I woke up this mornin' with the sundown shinin' in

I found my mind in a brown paper bag within

I tripped on a cloud and fell-a eight miles high

I tore my mind on a jagged sky

I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in

(Yeah, yeah, oh-yeah, what condition my condition was in)

I pushed my soul in a deep dark hole and then I followed it in

I watched myself crawlin' out as I was a-crawlin' in

I got up so tight I couldn't unwind

I saw so much I broke my mind

I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in

(Yeah, yeah, oh-yeah, what condition my condition was in)

Someone painted "April Fool" in big black letters on a "Dead End" sign

I had my foot on the gas as I left the road and blew out my mind

Eight miles outta Memphis and I got no spare

Eight miles straight up downtown somewhere

I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in

I said I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in

Yeah yeah oh-yeah