Saturday, November 29, 2014

IT WILL BE OKAY




My iPhone won’t cut it on this so you’ll just have to trust me. A morning of settling fog, the last brilliant orange gold of a tree, almost alone in foliage save for a yellow straggler or two, and just behind the trees, two white horses, each in a green blanket graze as if  more than this, there is nothing. Mystical beauty.


Which is nice because I am gearing up for the moving battle again. Sigh. But I do get some coffee and focus before I really get going. If not for sleeping medication, it would have been a night for battling dementors, and there was some thrashing and gnashing before I conked out. Nor did I sleep in that deep and distant way that leaves one refreshed and all carpe-diem-y. But it will do.

Days later. I started this on the 12th and now it is the 17th. The aforementioned tree has lost all of its leaves. Winter is walking in, in the form of a sleety, thoroughly grey day. And AKA is baking in the kitchen. 

I'm struggling. Yes, so what else is new? I'm trying not to focus on fear and panic and just keep moving. And I go back to the "hurry sickness" idea and, not so much slow down, as try to focus and be more mindful of what I am doing at any given time.

And now it is the 29th ...no more golden leaves on any trees. There's snow covering the ground. Hopefully, it will melt enough tomorrow for me to be able to drive my car. I've been in the house pretty much since Wednesday. 

Tuesday evening, however, Albert and I took a long walk as I knew the snow was coming and that houseboundness was bound to happen. The sunset was spectacular, but the photographs do not do it justice.
























One day last week, I had just pulled into the driveway and was talking on the 'phone before I went it (better reception where I was). I saw a movement come around the far side of the house. It was a fox. It was rather scraggly; I had to look closely to see it had an excellent tail. It sauntered across the driveway, stopped to lift its leg on a tree (did not know foxes did that) and comfortably mad its way across the lawn, the street (stopping some traffic) and headed up the hill.

A day or two later, I was standing at the kitchen sink, looking out into the little wooded area behind the garage where the cardinals and other birds live. I looked up into the tree and had to do a double take and get J to come look. There was an abnormally large bird, possibly an owl. J confirmed that it was not one of the usual side yard suspects. It was a Cooper's hawk. I saw the pair of them again, farther down the street while walking Albert.




Thanksgiving was really nice, very small with just family and me. The food was excellent and we all ate too much, of course. AKA was a veritable whirlwind in the kitchen, making tarts, pies, cornbread, brussels sprouts, lentil loaf, KILLER CRANBERRY JALAPENO RELISH (cannot recommend highly enough) and who knows what else. We had a surfeit of desserts, and I think there are three pumpkin pies still untouched. Danielle made some pumpkin snickerdoodles and some truffles that were out of this world ...

As my cooking skills were not particularly needed, I worked on the clean-up crew. It rather soothes me anyway, and makes me feel as if something is being accomplished. 

So, I know I have been very quiet, and yes, I have been down, but mostly out of frustration that my job won't pay me and I really need the money. They finally sent some, but it was a bit of a struggle. They still owe me a more than twice as much. I was very very upset about it. I still would be, but I just don't want to focus on it.

And then last night, while getting Thanksgiving 2 on the table, I wrenched my back rather badly. That's something I really haven't done before. Welcome to getting older. Today, I mostly rested as prescribed but I hope I am feeling up to moving around more tomorrow. I should have been reading the first volume of Caro's LBJ biography for my book group, but instead I watched a pretty good Danish tv series, Dicte, (very good female characters if somewhat formulaic as a mystery) and some rather depressing BBC thing. Southcliffe. The family watched The Babadook this evening.

So, that's kind of that. I'm in a rather vacant state, perhaps in a bit of denial about everything, or just weary and worn out from fretting and stress. The arrival of really cold weather likely adds to the disorientation and need for readjustment. But it will be okay.







M made up a guest bed, and look who thought they were honored guests.


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