SOCIAL AND SOCIABILITY

So Miep probably has a kidney infection. She ate a bit and drank today, as well as moving around, so I hope that I can get her on antibiotics. That is something of a relief. (This just in: walking around with tail up looking for pets.)

Ouroboros is the snake eating its own tail. I don't feel as if I am eating my own tail, or entirely returning to old cycles as much as slowing the cycle down to see what I am doing. There's a big miasma of my behavior that is apparently unrelated, but I am hunkering down to see how the disparate chunks relate.

I am being abstract, I realize. This is pre-verbal. One part is my internalization of (what I peg to be) a male dismissiveness. It wouldn't be fair to say that I am un-or-disconnected, but I can be a bit cavalier about commitments, particularly social ones. (Now that I've said that, I really have to think about whether or not it is true.) That feeds into, but is not the only part of, my struggles with being prompt. I don't care terribly about others being right on time, unless it is to a movie, concert, or public transportation. Similarly, I don't always get wrapped up in expectations of social events.

So, I am examining my ideas of commitment to a range of "commitments," and whether my laissez-faire attitude is California-bliss-ninny-go-with-the-flow or something closer to disrespectful or passive aggressive or some other dis-word.

Some might think I have a sliding scale of who is important or the most fun. And I am thinking about whether that is true. But I also bring a certain level of pragmatism, what social event makes the most sense at a given time.

Oh well.

I am finding All Things Shining both pertinent and interesting, but I will save that for another post.