ONCE AGAIN, HERE I AM

1 January 2025

"The thing is, you have to live through all of it. The flowing river advice and observation we all hear is true. There are no short cuts to our feelings or our resolve. Every gap and ripple must be observed and experienced, And, if we are somewhat lucky, we can assimilate and survive."

4 January

I have no idea from whence that quote arose. I did finally finish the Hilary Mantel book about the French Revolution, A Place of Greater Safety that day. And I did start The Sympathizer that day as well, but a quick perusal of the latter did not render that quote. Although the Mantel book was a real struggle, by the end I was crying. Amazing book. I've read that it gets better on the second reading. That will have to be at the end of the pile for now as I must have 40 books piled up in my room.

I did not have a good New Years' Eve. I was lonely and full of memories of my last New Years' in New York, albeit I did get sick then with bacterial bronchitis that lasted until March. 

And again, the new year is rung in with some malingering virus? I came down with this illness the Saturday before Christmas, which would have been December 21st. The first two days were the worst, but by Christmas Eve, I felt well enough to go to an annual dinner. About three days later, four people from the dinner came down with something. I feel terrible that I caused dear friends to get ill, although there is only circumstantial (and common sense) proof that I was the culprit. Two of these four friends is still battling some form of it, as am I.

To make matters worse, I got my second Shringrex shot for staving off shingles. One of my brothers had a terrible case of it years ago and still suffers from long term damage. Given that I am concerned that access to inoculations may disappear, I am trying to get in the rest of my older person's shots. Having been knocked out by a Covid shot, I was a bit prepared for my reaction. So, another Saturday yoga I missed.

Being temporarily bedridden with a fever and a headache are made worse in that it is difficult to read. Here and there, I picked something up or desperately searched for an audiobook to provide distraction, but 'twas in vain in this case. I ended up bingeing on a medical show, The Resident. Although much of it is formulaic and they are heavier on the romances than interests me, the writing is surprisingly good. There are some unusual characters and the cast is mostly terrific. 

Taking care of my mother when I am sick is also a challenge. She is cooperative when I tell her I am ill and makes her best effort to quash her demanding and princess nature. I was able to get her up, ensconced, and fed before I had to crash again.

I've not been good about taking my medications. The adderall will likely hit me hard once I start taking it again. No need to be anymore antsy while bedridden. I could use the focus and maybe a bit of a lift as I am tending toward depression and despair again.

Do y'all make New Years' Resolutions? I used to make a long list, but I am keeping it to about ten this year (haven't decided on them all yet). Here are some good aspirations.