STRUGGLE CRAZILY FOR PURCHASE

(Stolen from J. Schey.)

May 1 

dulciloquent, adj.

[‘Of a person: sweet-spoken. Hence also of an utterance, style, etc.: characterized by pleasing or mellifluous language.’]

Pronunciation: Brit. /dʌlˈsɪləkwənt/,  U.S. /ˌdəlˈsɪləkwənt/

Origin: A borrowing from Latin, combined with an English element; modelled on a Latin lexical item. Etymons: Latin dulcis, -loquent comb. form.

Etymology: <  classical Latin dulcis sweet (see dulce adj.) + -loquent comb. form, after classical Latin dulciloquus (2nd cent. a.d. in Apuleius).

That’s a bit more soothing than many things I begin with. The sky is a steely blue-grey over to the west although the sun is knifing past me to the north. Oona Minnie Pearl Moonlight likes to sleep on the veranda. I think there are fewer fleas there. She must have been deeply asleep as she can't quite figure out where the "kitty kitty kitty" is coming from.

I woke up before my 6:30 alarm. I have this Romantic notion that I will get up early and start getting things accomplished before the day kicks in full force. Sitting here watching the light reflecting off of the cement walls, I am sorely tempted to get back into bed to read until the coffee kicks in. Unfortunately, the Circle Jerks' song from yesterday keeps thrumming through my head.

We just get by
However we can
We all have to duck
When the shit hits the fan

And I know that time is now.

I suppose the general ignorance of the general population is one of the things that alarms me. Without a baseline understanding of hygiene, science, history and basic manners, the outlook for the behavior and wisdom of the populace is not good. When I read that people are starving in refugee camps and immigrant prisons, not to mention the poverty-stricken areas of this country and that animals and crops and other food products are being dumped MAKES ME CRAZY. This is what government is for, and I know we are preaching to the choir here, but infrastructure! Community and international aid and cooperation programs! Hell, we've got plenty of gas and unused airplanes. Plus, time on our hands for volunteering if we can figure out a way to do it safely. Hazmat suits anyone?

Many hours, interruptions, procrastinatory events later ...

It's getting to the 11th hour and I did not make the aguasacaca I had planned to take to YTT tomorrow.. Going into the kitchen to cook is more of a direct procrastinary event than I can allow myself.

I have tried to get in the spirit of yoga sequencing, but that isn't coming easily to me today. I have books and print-outs strewn about and ideas but just not the concentration to formulate them.

One of the books I read was T.K.V. Desikachar's The Heart of Yoga.

Another aspect of yoga has to do with our actions. Yoga therefore also means acting in such a way that all of our attention is directed toward the activity in which we are currently engaged ... (as if) ... Suppose for example that while I am writing, one part of my mind is thinking about what I want to say and while another part is thinking about entirely different. The more I am focused on my writing, the great my attentiveness to my action in this moment. The exact opposite might also occur: I might begin writing with great attention, but as I continue to write my attention begins to waiver. I might begin to think about the plans I have for the day tomorrow, or what is cooking for dinner. It then appears as if I am acting with attentiveness, but really I am paying little attention to the task at hand.

I am functioning but I am not present.

Yoga attempts to create a state in which we are always present—really present—in every action, in every moment.

This was just one paragraph but I wanted to tease it out a bit. He goes on to say

The advantage of attentiveness is that we perform each task better and at the same time are conscious of our actions. The possibility of making mistakes becomes correspondingly smaller the more our attention develops. When we are attentive to our actions we are not prisoners to our habits;

we do no need to do something today simply because we did it yesterday. instead there is the possibility of considering our actions fresh and so avoiding thoughtless repetition.

My spacing again there.

I think there is a lot to think about there, not only in a practice or a discipline, but how we live in the larger world. People in America, particularly, but the whole world, really have to stop 'phoning it in.

I have challenges being present as anyone who knows me knows. I am always doing at least two things at a time partly to avoid being present. Being present implies/demands/requests commitment and we have already been over that. Being present actually takes one out of the me and into the cosmic us of contribution of energy or good will or further consciousness.

So onto functioning AND being present. (And then a good night's sleep.)

GRAZING HORSES

Sometimes the
green pasture
of the mind
tilts abruptly.
The grazing horses
struggle crazily
for purchase
on the frictionless
nearly vertical
surface. Their
furniture-fine
legs buckle on the incline
unhorsed by slant
they weren't
designed to climb
and can't.

— Kaye Ryan, The Best of It: New and Selected Poems, New York, Grove Press, 2010.

ORGANIZATIONALLY CHALLENGED

A challenging day. I was up and about and then out early (for me). I cruised over to the Upper West Side, picked-up Louise and we headed to New Jersey to say good-bye to dear Laura who is moving to Austin tomorrow morning. Actually, she is quite in the process already. Needless to say, probably, things went slower than planned for Laura. On the other hand, Louise and I worked on Monsterwood and Princess Kitten, plus getting a bit caught up, so no time was wasted. Plus, we got to eat half-price sushi at Fujiyama Mama in Westfield. And it was good.

We got caught up, hung out with a tired, exhilarated, and miles-to-go-before-she-sleeps Laura, then headed home, which took forever in traffic. And Ms. Louise is intense, so besides navigating the roads (and drivers of Jersey) I was deeply involved in Monsterwood.

Yeah, I came home and fell asleep.

And now is the challenging part. I am going to Binghamton, NY with Martha tomorrow to visit her daughter Anna. This is the first road trip Martha and I have ever taken. And we have known one another since the mid-1970s. But I am too pooped to get ready. And I haven't even done laundry since I got back from Schroon Lake. Crap. So, will I actually get up in the morning to do all the things that need doing before I jump into the car at 9:30 and head out (stopping first for therapy).

I don't trust myself. But I just might have to try again.

Does this look like a face that is interested in tuna?

Hating. Waiting.

12:14 a.m. - Reader, I staid up to do some work. Less for the morning.

JUSQU'à DEMAIN

Last time I looked, this had been viewed (many) more than 11 million times. That's kind of great. Brings tears to my eyes every time.

Continuing on from last night, I do find it remarkable that it is so difficult to do things, even when you know it is good for you, or that you will find some measure of relief or satisfaction. My goals today were to clean off my desk (in progress), roast vegetables (roasted but not put away or used), and clean the humidifier (haven't touched it). But it is not 5 o'clock yet and I am doing my writing so maybe something is going okay.

One of my mental perusals has been on procrastination. So, while I was looking up things about procrastination I found this video by my old colleague, Lev Yilmaz. Check it out, too

This is the etymology of procrastination
The modern term comes from the Latin word procrastinatus, which is the past participle of procrastinare derived from pro- (forward) and crastinus (of tomorrow)^[3]. It is first attested in 1548 by the Oxford English Dictionary.


Wow. Of tomorrow. Literally.


I do struggle with this. I am perfectly content to just while away the hours, conferring with the flowers or  no. But do any of you get anxious and depressed at your procrastination? It is nearly a "fear" feeling. And I still don't jump in and get moving. Some of it, I guess, is a fear of being overwhelmed. Anxious and suffocated.


One recommendation is to "stay in the moment" and not worry about the outcome. That has a familiar ring, no?


5:42 - a telephone conversation, a snack (I needed it — feeling better now), and some roasted vegetables dealt with. And an early post.


What was that I said yesterday? Breathe in. Breathe out.