There's a bit of the sunset at Prospect Park where I walked with B this afternoon. The light was beautiful but I am not seeing as I do when my mood is lighter so I did not take many photographs. As I observed on FB this morning, tossing and turning is certainly not rollin' and tumblin'. I just could not fall all the way asleep last night. I would dreamdoze and then be awake, tossing and turning. Too bad all that tossing and turning doesn't burn any significant calories, because I felt as if I were doing some kind of miserable drill.
The better news is that the restlessness was not caused by abject fear or despair. Those are the nights that are terrible. And I was just drowsy enough to not want to get up to take a sleeping aid for fear of disrupting the level of relaxation I had reached. Even now at 7:25 I am fighting to stay awake. If only I could sustain this sleepiness until 10:00. Like as not, I will get another wind.
I did work on writing projects and selling on eBay today. (You can check out my goods under "xosas" which is my seller name.) I tell myself that this is a process and this too will get easier as I do more of it. Tomorrow I get to go back to therapy after 12 days and that might orient me in a more productive way.
In the meantime, I slosh along through my personal swamp of unperformed chores, and carry the visual burden of environmental disorganization. ... Perhaps under-organization would be better. I will check on my carmelizing onions, work on my pots and pans re-org, and try to do some restorative yoga before I hit the hay, having taken some sleeping potion, and yet again! hope for a brighter day tomorrow.
9:57 p.m.
Pots and pans re-organization well underway, with dusty pots having been put through the dishwasher (I almost never use it). I can finish up in the morning when I am a little clearer and more decisive. For now, a bit of restorative yoga and back to the battle of the bed.
Resisting Veronica's disruption of my schedule, I did my usual 10 to early morning sleep, and slept well. it was slightly chilly, so I slept in a hoody, and though I woke up often I was able to go back to sleep. Yesterday, V wanted to "stay at home all day and eat" so I indulged her. By the end of the day she said "I'm eating too much" and asked me for "Lean Cuisines".
ReplyDeleteShe's been sleeping a lot and having trouble coinciding with her friends' schedule. Her friends all have cars, they want her to come to them, my car isn't up to the challenge and she doesn't have a license anyway. I missed an exercise class due to a faulty schedule, and so now I'm determined to go to the one this morning and meet my friend Lorna. I have a laundry in the machine, have made coffee, am ready for the day.
V. is still sleeping. Yesterday we had Indian food--chicken, vegetables, etc. Delicious. We've also found a no-cal coconut soda with no artificial sweeteners and no caffeine. Jack has just had a seed breakfast. It's fun watching him with V, who appreciates his beauty.