It is crazy cold here tonight, 19degrees right now. It did get up to 29 at one point today. That is nearly tolerable. You'll understand why I didn't go for a walk in the park. I did go to town for therapy and to try to sell more gold jewelry. Only none of it was gold. Ouch. There went my little cushion of cash for this month. Now, in scramble mode.
Either I am in shock or I didn't hatch my eggs of expectation before the transaction was made. I don't feel devastated or miserable. There's an upside to lowered expectations there. I suppose the downside is that I didn't, I don't have much of a contingency plan. I acted out by eating chips and salsa. And two lime popsicles. Yes, even in this weather.
I tried for something pro-active. I listed more things on eBay, but there is no way that is going to do anything more than make a dent in the day to day. I looked at job listings on Craigslist. Nothing jumped out at me.
Therapy was not easy today either. Perhaps I am mulling over it all. Next steps. Next positive steps. Next cash generating steps. Given that it is 10:00, I do believe I will be excused if I retreat to the bed for some absence of consciousness for a few hours. And tomorrow, perhaps I will be inspired.
What is the Tao here, kids? Not sinking into the deep shadow of non-action. Or, if so, not in a fashion that is obvious to this mind. Some kind of action, some kind of swimming along, seems more the way of the Way.
And all I actually have to offer as a writer, is my version of life. — Anne Lamott
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ONCE AGAIN, HERE I AM
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