A leaden day. Save for the sprouting green lacy leaves on the tree outside my window, I could look out and think winter was still here. Ominous and oppressive outside. Or maybe that's just how I feel in here, I and I being I.
To those who responded to my cable tv post, I didn't have a television from 1972 until 1999, when the apartment I sublet required that I keep it. I caught up quite a bit in 11 years. But do remember that I work in entertainment, kids television quite often. So for me to not have cable television means I am not serious about my metier. I had a client at CBS who absolutely could not believe that I worked in television and yet did not own a television. Others would not be so sanguine about it.
I feel like hell. Some of it is the overwhelming task of going through my papers, which is not going to happen in the next two weeks, there is just too much. At this point, I am getting a feel for what I have and looking for a few things.
It, this absence of meaning, this pain, probably has more to do with the lack of light and the intense conversation I had with my mother today. It is nearly the anniversary of the deaths of my father in 2003 and my younger brother in 2009. And discussing the chronic illness of a close relative. And what did my mom think of the pornography my dad kept around.
I have two "scrap books" of my father's porn that I found while digging around his garage, probably right after Carl died. I didn't know what to do with it, and I didn't want my mother to find it, so I packed it and brought it home. It is behind a chair. When I told K about it, she couldn't believe I would have it.
Being that I value things of the past, I couldn't bring myself to throw away these old spank books. There are Betty Page era photos right up to the 21st century beaver poses. Why have I held on to them? Another skeleton in the closet? Shoved it under the rug ... behind a chair.
I think I will burn it. I considered asking my brothers if they wanted it or selling it. Wait.
Wouldn't that make ME a pornographer?
Now I want to cry. But I'll nap instead. (Wasn't that a Beatles song?)
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My suggestion is to throw it out. My take is he would have been ashamed that you saw these, really. Why burn that stuff into your sweet little brain? If you think anything is worth something (Ie Betty Page) keep that and give it to your brothers, but the trashy stuff -- out with it. oxoox
ReplyDeleteI had thought of your metier and how it might entail watching the state of the art cartoons and stuff, but wanted you to feel good about it, so merely said that I'd been without for awhile. A mixture of money and other things. I liked it when I could get international tv and movie channels, but they were abruptly discontinued by the cable service. I dearly loved "cine latino: nuestra mirada". Since I don't work in animation I don't have any real reason to use tv. And I do have a lot of free time for work and play that way. I do kind of miss it as a person who lives alone and is sometimes lonely. If I were on the mainland I'd enjoy getting LA spanish stuff. For awhile I could get Swiss news programs and Spanish medical help shows, but now--nada, rien. Also, I don't hear very well, so I'm cut off from anything that doesn't have close captioned. As for your daddy, if your bros don't know about the porn, don't give it to them. I think I'd just toss it.
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