Sama Vritti Pranayama
exhale for 4 seconds
then pause for 4
inhale 4 seconds
retain for 4 seconds
repeat for a while
Today was my meeting at the Kidscreen Conference. As I mentioned earlier, I had a lot of reluctance to go. When I have been a paid attendee at this event, I often felt overwhelmed and depressed, during the conference and after. Not to mention, those hotel conference rooms are ALWAYS cold.
I wanted to cry on the subway because I didn't want to go into that awful hotel space full of grown-ups, poseurs, and people who, theoretically, had the power to fund, hire, and fire me. As I started to well up, I remembered Sama Vritti and did a few rounds on the train. The crying feeling subsided.
I don't see as well as I would like, so I can't always recognize people. And the general feelings of anxiety and the over-stimulation of people exacerbates my ADHD. I feel flustered and failed. And then I was usually dragging around a bag full of flyers, freebies, and other swag destined, for the most part, for the dustbin.
Today I dressed simply and comfortably. I took nothing more than my purse, a notebook, and an issue of The New Yorker (which I read cover to cover). Robert and I had one good, fast meeting. Then we hung out in the bar for a little and said "Hey!" to a few people. Then I left.
Going to a industry conference like this makes me question my life, my career (whatever it is), my goals, my self-image ... All in all, ewwww. Quite emotional. And who wants to feel all of that in a hotel lobby bar? I wasn't even buying alcohol, drugs, or companion services after a failed day of selling.
I'm going in again tomorrow, for a sprint. Perhaps I will remember to do Sama Vritti when the emotions come up again. I am just saying, it's getting to be a top option in stressful situations more often, and that has to be a good thing. Better than a drink.
Would be nice if we all had someone else to sell our talents for us... It's hard to say "I love selling myself because I'm terrific at what I do...Hire me/buy what I sell... You need me/my product more than the other guy's because..." ...especially when you've been turned down before & you're a bit desperate, and doubting yourself/your skills because of that (not that you doubt your skills otherwise). It's why I go to songwriting camp, but not to industry conferences (I did once & got lucky because I was such a novice I had no expectations, just curiousity)
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