Today was a bit better. Some of the biochemical aspects of depression are ameliorated by slumber. My alcohol-free system sleeps better, too. And boy, do I have dreams. Lately, dream fragments hit me during the day, rattling my reality cage. I have to do a physical check of where I am and what was that (masked) fragment. Fragments coming loose and getting stuck in your brain or your heart ... isn't that what heart attacks and strokes are all about?
Security, financial and otherwise, is truly ephemeral. On the other hand, hassles from bills and landlords have tangible outcomes. How to balance the two? And then the fear factor kicks in with all the ancillary self-doubts and under-valuing. From what I can see, selling and marketing have plenty of openings and opportunities. Just not my skill set.
I saw a man, kind of panhandling, on the subway today. He was well-dressed, somewhere above 50, and, as he stated clearly, indigent. His beautiful black leather jacket and dress pants did not suggest indigence. He said he had a master's degree (didn't hear in what) and had been on 270 job interviews. That is just plain crazy and disheartening. Of course, I didn't feel that I had enough ready cash to share.
Sometimes, it is a challenge...
BTW ... library book number 2 is finished! Only one more to go that has been here since last June!
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I think we're on the same wavelength here. came home from my 4-class on three campuses day totally whipped and fell asleep around eight and had a long dream that gave me a glimpse of my long departed dad. I had one bipolar student not show for an appointment, forgot to give one class their assignment (which they didn't mind!). Am glad to have a good night's rest. Obviously, I would not be working so many jobs if I had tenure, or even if I was paid over the summer. I've paid off one of my credit cards, others loom. Now I have caller id, so I can at least avoid telemarketers and credit vultures (who are usually quite pleasant, actually). I have book groups with two books I didn't enjoy reading. I will try to push for putting the pleasure back in pleasure reading for the next meeting. "Cold Magic" and "Cloud Atlas" both well intentioned alternative universes that are imperfectly realized.
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