AND SO IT HAS BEGUN AGAIN

1 of 100

January 8th already.

A month has passed since I wrote anything. I plan to do another hundred this year, but not trying to shoehorn them all into a little over three months. 100 in a year is likely enough to keep me motivated and not just post for posting's sake.

For the first time in more than a decade, I did not reach my annual reading goal. I generally try to read a book a week, but I barely made it past 3 books a month. I found myself reading most of a book, then trailing off in disinterest or "couldn't be bothered to renew." This year, I am committed to four a month. We will see how that goes. My friend Patty usually reads closer to 100 and only made it to 23 last year, (although that was still over 5,000 pages.) 

I am so out of whack, I scarcely know what to do to get me in whack. I find myself falling asleep, sober, around 11:00, scarcely able to keep open my eyes. Then, just before I fall into a deep sleep, I am awakened by a panic attack, usually about my projected life of destitution, and have trouble getting back to sleep. Then I sleep pretty darn late, about 10:00. By the time Janet is coffeed and oatmealed, and I have caffeinated and perused the papers, it is noon when I am not inspired to take on any large projects. 

That said, I have been good this week about trying to dig out of my physical morass. Patrick and I did two runs to the dumpster with rain-ruined furniture, and two trips to donate things. Of course, one has the regrets, but I know my time here gets shorter by the minute and Janet's passing will not be made any easier by the burden of having too much stuff to deal with. Even on my worst days, I try to set a small goal, so at least one step is taken.

Another resolution was to actually use my cookbooks or get rid of them. I have maybe moved along about 10 and there are still very many to go through. Last night I tried a new recipe that I need to finish today along with taking Janet for a walk (as soon as my hair dries a bit more), do last night's dishes, finish tonight's dish, and make a batch of cookies from one of the aforementioned cookbooks. I don't need any cookies as we are still working through the cookies I made for Christmas but didn't get around to handing or sending out. 

Janet is doing pretty well, although one of the Domineers, Jimmy died in December as I wrote in my last post. He was very nice, so he is missed even by me. Janet doesn't make it to dominoes very often because of our sleeping in issues. Are we just hibernating? Meanwhile, she came home from dominoes on Thursday to inform me that the host, whom she sits next to, had a terrible cold and did not inform anyone nor cancel the day's activities.  No bueno. So far she is fine, save for powerhousing through one of her Christmas boxes of See's Candy. (She received several, for which thanks.)

In order to make sure I read today, I took a mid-day bath, which is my usual wintertime place to read.  miss the literate and literature obsessed me. I found some choice quotes or thoughts to share.

"What we like is "relatable," whatever that means, while what we dislike or makes us comfortable is "depressing." What hope is there for our species if narcissism governs us even when we are reading?"

— Michael Hoffman, Introduction to Elizabeth Taylor's Mrs. Palfrey at the Claremont

"She was alarmed at the threat of her own depression."

— Elizabeth Taylor Mrs. Palfrey at the Claremont

I can heartily relate to that. I have been pretty depressed this week. The political turmoil in this country had (has) me despondent and actually afraid. I think war is on the near horizon, if not simply from internal combustion of the (at least) two Americas, then from the growing conflicts in Russia and other parts of the world. This all reached a fever pitch on the night before January 6th as the pundits and left wing hawkers spelled doom for the anniversary of the insurrection. I had to severely curtail my reading and watching of the news on the 6th as the weight of it was personally unbearable to me. I have lightened up just a bit since I have curbed my intake of media. 

"In spite of long practice, she found that resolution was more difficult these days. When she was young, she had an image of herself to present ..."

— Elizabeth Taylor Mrs. Palfrey at the Claremont

Right? For those of us who been eased out of professional life before our intended time, and all of us sequestering to avoid Covid-19, who will we present if we ever get the opportunity again? As you might recall, this was causing me some agita afore I went back to New York. 

January 11th

Several days and another batch of cookie baking later, I still haven't posted this. The news is that two of Janet's domineer pals have tested positive for Covid. I've little idea how they are doing. I suppose it it to be expected in some ways. So far, and we are on day five from exposure, all is well. Janet is just bored. But I have been able to get her out walking every other day or so as the weather has been nice and she has been compliant.