JUST GET UP AND DO IT AGAIN

November 23rd

Okay, this will be interesting. I am writing this, for the first time on my iPad keyboard that I just bought so that I wouldn’t have to haul around my MacBook Pro. I am writing from my eldest brother’s house in Oakland. He’s had Juna, his 15-month old granddaughter here. Now, he has his 95-year-old mother here, he has to put up a security gate for Janet just like he does for Juna. Janet is sleeping on the upper level where the bathroom is. There is something so “beginning and end cycle” about all of this. Poignant.

'Twas a long drive to get here. I considered not even coming as I finally had some energy to straighten up the house. I left it a mess for our beloved cat sitter, Ashley.  (This keyboard is going to take some getting used to, but I realized I won’t even post this until I get back as I don’t have my mailing lists on this device.)

On the way up here, on hideous I-5, we stopped in Buttonwillow for something like sustenance and gasoline. Food options being quite limited, we tried McDonald’s. Horrible. But I remembered that I was once driving this road with my brother David and we stopped at this very McDonald’s where I ran into an old friend from college, totally randomly, there in the middle of the San Joaquin Valley. Jose and I took Portuguese together. He tutored me in Portuguese, I tutored him in English. Poor bastard had to read Tristram Shandy for a class, not easy for those of us for whom English is our first language.  

November 30th

Back in LA since Saturday evening. Thanksgiving was really fun as I had great tablemates and the excellent food just made it better. Janet enjoyed meeting Juna and Kasia. We all had a big walk on Friday, although Janet was in a wheelchair and Juna was mostly in her stroller. We walked in a part of Alameda that I didn't know existed, so that was cool. 

Driving I-5 is really a challenge and very stressful. There is so much jockeying and lane changing, which was not made any better by the amount of traffic. I am sure I would have purposely caused an accident had we driven down on Sunday. I don't do heavy traffic well anymore. I now have to adjust my driving to not scheme to immediately get in front of slower cars and change lanes all the time while driving at 80mph.

The cats were all fine and glad to see us. They are making the transition to being winter kitties which means more lap sitting and not having to walk the streets calling them in after dark. By the time it starts getting dark, they are ready for dinner and then (mostly) settling down or lap sitting. This is good. 

On the other hand, I am experiencing the let down. I was sick pretty much the whole week after I got back and still feel the very tail end of the virus or whatever it was. Feeling physically bad as well as emotionally adrift was not all helped by the suicide of a friend of a dear friend pretty much as soon as I got back. Sadness and stress all around.

This person had considerable physical, emotional, and mental problems such that she just could not find a purchase onto well-being. Those of us who have some amount of self-awareness and self-discipline happily (or not) benefit from the doctors and other mental health workers we have been fortunate enough to find. It's an ongoing struggle, but we try to adhere to (most of) their recommendations to stay on some kind of vaguely even keel.

I admit to some very dark thoughts and places lately. As is well-documented in these pages, there is little in this part of my life, this geographical location, to comfort and sustain me. My connection to the state of New York and my many loved ones there makes the comparison to life here a sharp and often sad one. 

However, again I will try to find some comfort and sustenance here. I have a new section of yoga class I am teaching tomorrow. Saturday, I can go back to my Covid yoga class and maybe remember something about a practice. Janet is doing pretty well, having gone back to dominoes today for the first time in 5 weeks. The kitties are excellent if too multitudinous. 

Just get up and do it again.