NOT SO HAPPY

 “We become conservative if we’re still trying to preserve the mythologies of our youth.”

— Philip Rodriguez

“The worst thing is she’s not at all depraved by nature. Just ignorant. And vain. And right now that happens to be fashionable.

— Sigrid Undset, Jenny, 1911

I’ve been sick with a post-trip kind of virus. I have kind of rallied today, enough to think Janet and I should drive up to Oakland tomorrow to visit with the extended family. Of course, Janet doesn’t really want to go, but she never wants to be too far away from the kitty posse.  If I had had another couple of days of being functional, I would likely be up for it as I do want to see and be with the whole family. I just feel bad leaving the catsitter with the chaos that is my house right now.

I wasn’t able to anything last week. I never even got all the way unpacked.

What I would like to do is stay here and hide. I have a new yoga class to get ready for on Tuesday. I have a newfound reason to downsize and move stuff along. I am tired. 

I admit to some post-New York letdown but we knew that would probably be coming. The weeklong virus made it worse. 

Also, on the Saturday after I returned, a close friend of a very close friend decided she had had enough on this astral plane and took herself out. L's passing was devastating for K who thought she should have been able to help. I was touched, but less so by the tragedy. But I can't say that I don't muse upon it myself. 

Being back in this part of the world does not delight me, notwithstanding a few folks, but this is so not my home anymore. I may end up getting to live here after my mother passes, but I am not the whole "me" here. 

Once I get back from Oakland and get a little rest, I need to muster my attention and energy to making my situation more palatable, more pleasant for my mom and myself. I have been appreciably more patient with her since I returned, but there is more to accomplish in that arena.