ALL GONE, IT IS BEYOND REPAIRING

Posts without number(s) amen. Now, where do we go from here.

The answer to that must be the continued, continual meandering through life and blogging as I have been doing for the past ten years. I suppose I should be pleased with myself for posting as many as I did, but it still feels more like a mitigated success because I wasn't able to accomplish it in anything like 100 days. As  if I need to get more down on myself.

Our jacaranda.

I took strattera again today. I don't think it is doing too much besides making me anxious and therefore depressed which I don't need help with. Perhaps I will be struck productive between now (6:00pm) and bed time. So far, not a lot (but not nothing) has been accomplished. I drove down to pick up my sewing machine, did some ironing for my mom, and listened to Empire of Pain. 

Not exactly a good book for a person who is despondent about the state of the world to be reading. The unhappy escalation of medicine and business does not for a positive world view make. On top of the Taliban State of Texas. On top of the pandemic being worse now than last year. On top of. On top of. Not on top of old Smokey, for sure. 

JV had the insight to know that my magnolia needs to be watered so I guess I could go do that for a bit. I could even listen to my book. 

Crispy magnolia getting ready for a bloom or two.

Later that evening.

I did get Janet to go for a walk around the block for the first time in weeks. I can see that she is losing strength as she doesn't do much of anything. It was pleasant enough out, not too hot and the sun was mostly down. She did fine. I then went to Trader Joe's. She was a bit more lively than usual when I got back which I attribute to the walk and me forcing her to drink more water. It is almost impossible to get her to drink (enough) water. 

So, did you all know this was the larger definition of apocalypse (from Wikipedia): 

An apocalypse (Ancient Greek: ἀποκάλυψις apokálypsis, from of/from: ἀπό and cover: κάλυψις, literally meaning "from cover") is a disclosure or revelation of great knowledge. In religious concepts an apocalypse usually discloses something very important that was hidden or provides what Bart Ehrman has termed, "A vision of heavenly secrets that can make sense of earthly realities".^[1] Historically, the term has a heavy religious connotation as commonly seen in the prophetic revelations of eschatology obtained through dreams or spiritual visions. It is believed by many Christians that the biblical Book of Revelation depicts an "apocalypse", the complete destruction of the world, preceding the establishment of a new world and heaven. However, there is also another interpretation of the Book of Revelation in which the events predicted are said to refer to the destruction of Jerusalem in A.D. 70 by the Roman armies of Titus. This second view is known as the Preterist view of eschatology.

In all contexts, the revealed events usually entail some form of an end time scenario or the end of the world – or revelations into divine, heavenly, or spiritual realms. There are many other books from the Jewish and Christian world that can be classified as apocalypses. In addition, other books of the Bible contain passages pertaining to an apocalypse or to apocalyptic circumstances.

I am so upset by the state of the world and the USA in particular that we are coming to a very late and very uncomfortable "come to Jesus" (or pick a religious icon of your choice) phase (a moment won't cover it by a long shot). And I think this is the sedimentary depression I am feeling. That all kinds of things are coming to an end. Many shelves were empty at Trader Joe's tonight, even if I did go late. Continued proof that things are broken? I think so. Supply chain interruptus. 

I can see my mother's demise but not what will come after it for me. 

This definition is interesting in regards to the film Apocalpyse Now. Was it a great "looking back"?  (A backward glance as Edith Wharton would have had it.) I never thought of it that way, more the street definition of everything falling apart. But I can see how apt it was, looking back on the clusterfuck that was Viet Nam. 

Fox chewing on Nina.

My classics-educated friend who was chatting with me about the Greek meaning of apocalypse made reference to Lot's wife in the Bible, who, as you all probably know better than I, looked back and was turned to salt. She saw the apocalypse, the ruin behind her and was turned to salt ... but was that merely (or not so merely) the salt of her tears? 

Okay, so I don't have a very good feeling about the future. How can I "Be not sad/Be like the sun at midday" as the I Ching might advise. It feels very much beyond me. 

With apologies to TLB. Another bummer coming.

WHY I NEVER WENT INTO POLITICS

for Brad

my son

I promised you a world and see

it is all gone it is beyond

repairing we must learn

to live without it

each day a parade of soldiers

goes past followed by dogs

whose clinking tags proclaim

they have owners

and they are not mad

we are told not to look up or down

the sky is not public the earth 

is not ours

we are told to look

straight ahead and march forward

and kill

that is that way it is done 

in this land

my son

I love you and having told you

all I remember all this is left

of an old story

I tell you that those

who use the language of poets

are poets and those

who use the language of thieves

are thieves

— Richard Shelton, Selected Poems, 1969-1981, University of Pittsburgh Press, Pittsburgh, 1982