UNINSISTENT TUNES OF DRIFTING THINGS

 51 of #100daychallenge

This is what happens when your cats decide they are thirsty and the water dish is too far away.

I just couldn't do it last night, folks. I was in a funk all day, somewhat ameliorated by an evening of cooking (vegetable soup), sipping a pinot grigio, and listening to some good music. For awhile, it took me away from my worries and some of the events of the day.

Later on the day.

Yeah, yesterday was a bit of a day of stress and disappointments. I am not going to get to teach my City class until the fall and given that I still have hopes that I will get to do some travelling in August, September, and October, that does not bode well for a Fall class. Which also means I am paying for insurance I don't really need right now. Oh well. 

Yesterday was weird on several counts. As I mentioned, I am feeling, overall, a bit vulnerable and spacey, with parts of me (which parts?) not quite grounded. My mom was in a weird mood, very angry or offended by one of her Domineer mates whom she had previously been fond of. I am not on site and I know a) Janet is a flirt and b) there is a strain of childish sexual jokes among them. They think it is ha-ha-ha funny to refer to the therabands as rubbers (I need to stop that). I also know that Janet may not be as with it as they think she is. I had to call one of the younger saner members of the gang to get a read on what was going on. 

I really felt the responsibility to protect her. Did she need to not go to the Domineers? It is hard enough to get through the weekend without them so WTF? Is she reaching a stage of intractable irrationality? And what am I going to do with that? 

I getting to the fried point where I will need a bit of a Janet break. I am not having a breakdown yet, but I can feel myself getting more tired and thus more short-tempered.

In good news, however, we made it to yoga at 10:30 and class was going by 10:45. I took some "dowels" in so that folks could check their alignment. It rather blew their minds to see how far off they were. Of course, I found this endearing as I recall having my mind blown by proper alignment. When I put the "dowels" in the car they were dismayed as they got so much out of it, they want to do it again. We also worked on some hip openers. They often request shoulder work if I don't automatically go to it. They know when they come back from their meditative walk to take off their shoes and use the tennis balls to stretch and activate their feet. They remind me to drink water. 

I am very gratified to have made such an impression, and as I said last time, you can see their postures beginning to improve.

In birdland, and there are a couple of scrub jay nests around, the fledglings are learning to fly which sometimes lands them in enemy territory. There have been no casualties thus far, but I have had to rescue some birds. This is when the catio working would be helpful. This was another element of my "melancholy." I really had to stay vigilant with those assholes. 

Although I did do some yoga and walked at least a mile, I am challenged by self-defeating eating. As long as I don't buy wine, I am not in danger of drinking too much and this week, so far, so good.

I have a dentist appointment tomorrow to get my broken molar looked at. On Sunday morning, I take my tire to be fixed. I mopped the kitchen floor and did all the dishes. I read some Ulysses. I can relax now, right?

TUNE

Imagine a sea

of ultramarine

suspending a

million jellyfish

as soft as moons.

Imagine the

interlocking uninsistent

tunes of drifting things.

This is the deep machine

that powers the lamps

of dreams and accounts

for their bluish tint.

How can something

so grand and serene

vanish again and again

without a hint?

—Kay Ryan, The Best of It: New and Selected Poems, Grove Press, New York 2010