Mom was pretty good this morning. She had no complaints of spaciness or light-headedness which has not been the case for a couple of days now. Her arthritic pain points weren't giving her any trouble. I had a probably bad idea that I was going to get her to the gym to restart her physical routine, but I didn't have it in me to hustle us. I will try again tomorrow.
The weights of fear and despair are pulling on me. Mourning for my sister and my mother. Feeling sad for both of my nieces being in pain, confusion, and uncertainty for one of them. The alienation and loneliness of the long distance caregiver.
This is when the impulse buying can settle in. I impulse bought a bunch of plants at the 99 Cent store as they had a fresh shipment of Iceland poppies, African daisies, primroses, dianthus, and pansies. I would probably feel better if I were out there gardening. Another year where I have sworn to less gardening. Maybe "less" gardening isn't the answer. Maybe less ambitious gardening (Martha, I can hear you chuckling) is a better idea. Gardening does get me outside and amused. I did put back a good looking tomato plant. I have volunteer tomatoes all over which need to be pulled out. And a bit more garden planning is probably in order.
The tangelos are coming along nicely. They are still too hard to pick, but it won't be much longer. The tree is sprouting branches like crazy. I hope the next owners don't tear out the trees and the bougainvillea. The Meyer lemon tree has just a bit of fruit left. The lime tree in the container is also putting out some fruit.
Okay, just writing that soothed some of my sadness, so no, I am not giving up gardening. I am just going to stay away from the nursery where I tend to spend lots of money.
Later.
Been an up and down kind of day. A few hours ago, while driving back from the library, I thought "I am like a boil that needs to be lanced to get the pus out, or I have an emotional pimple to be squeezed." That's not pretty, right? I wished that I were drinking or binge eating. But I stuck to edamame and Diet Coke ... and some tv ... (watching the EPIX production of Get Shorty, which is pretty good).
And there's Butterscotch all curled up asleep as if she didn't upchuck on some clean pants and some beautiful wool I was winding into balls. Now it will be lots of fun to untangle.
But hey! Daffodils and freesia and all of this to get planted.
XXVI
The brain within its groove
Runs evenly and true;
But let a splinter swerve,
'T were easier for you
To put the water back
When floods have slit the hills,
And scooped a turnpike for themselves,
And blotted out the mills!
Emily Dickinson
Rather than buying plants, do you have neighbors with whom you could share cuttings?
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