CASH AND COOKE

Wednesday, March 14

Okay, back at the Red Horse Cafe. Today, maybe because it is earlier in the afternoon, not so emo. I don't think Bob Mould is very "emo" and I am pretty sure that is what is playing. I don't find it very good thinking music, either, so I guess I am going to have to dig out my earlphones — earphones, but earlphones is good, right? — and try to think. I just remarked to someone, well, wrote-remarked, that I have worse self-esteem when I try to write cover letters and fill out applications from home.

I wonder why this is? I think it is the pervasive feeling of fear that is like a fog in the apartment. Fear of losing the apartment because as of this date, I have no idea how to pay next month's rent, fear of the unbelievable hassle and pain of packing up, fear of the reality of failure at life, the list could go on, but I am not here to focus on how bad I feel there.

Johnny Cash and Sam Cooke are probably better for me to listen to, even if Johnny was singing about Jesus.

Just got this in from a pal who disputes my earlier post about the BQE:

Hi Sally,

    OK, if you think that's bad, you should see the traffic and utter chaos where I am this week - Bangalore, India - where lane markers and traffic lights are at best a suggestion andnobody stops for pedestrians. Scary as hell. I do like the spider webs on LSD analogy and it really fits Indian cities too. (Just check out Google Maps for Bangalore or any city here and you'll see ... there is not one right-angle intersection to be found.)

    No matter how bad things might seem, there's always someplace worse!

Well, he's right about the someplace worse thing. 

And for the record, we've moved on to Paul Robeson singing Old Man River. Not sure why, but it is making me cry.

I kid you not: with the sun streaming in the door here at the Red Horse, I looked up from my laptop. There stood a beautiful redheaded girl child, solemnly waiting for me to  see her. She looked right into my eyes and then without changing expression, stuck out her tongue at me and then calmly walked away.