WALKING BLIND

In the minds of many, my current good mood would likely be questioned. I am really almost out of money with not much immediate prospect of cash or a job. But I am generally in reasonable, concerned, scheming, planning, slightly anxious, but reasonable spirits. I am moving towards some clarity about myself and perhaps some of the twists of personality and fate that have me at such a place.

I do like the word "perhaps" ... it adds some process to realizations and/or facts. I have always thought that "consideration" was an undervalued concept. Indeed, one of the things that strikes me most in the travails of married or settled couples is that they stop "considering" one another. Familiarity must  erode consideration. That and the identification and extension of ego that can be part of partnering.

I put off writing for too long to wade far into this pool of musing. I spent quite a bit of time with my friend/colleague JR today discussing the screenplay as well as his current state of being. Without intending to, I analyzed the problems with the script and went on to J's frustrated life with more acuity and less sympathy. I had not been asked my opinion, yet I did not spare the candor.

I had not realized how similar we are on certain psychological levels. The anger and rejection that comes with bad parenting really does stay with us. J and I, for likely different reasons, have an unlikely passivity. Letting things happen to us allows us to use that storehouse of anger and feel righteous. 

Admittedly, this is superficial and unclear, but I am still purposely walking blind, feeling my way through this, rather than trying to articulate and control my feelings or perceptions. This too is probably vague. I won't know until tomorrow.

Emmylou is quite perplexed by the whole idea of baths. She worries while I am in the tub.