MIGHTY PAINFUL

 7 of 100

Jan 22

At least the neighbors are playing George Clinton and Parliament loud. I gave Luz a bunch of music on a flash drive last summer and this could well be some of what I put on it. But then again it could be Spotify.

I just got back from a shopping expedition, captained by my cousin Christina. There were drugs to pick up at Target and some grocery necessities to get at Trader Joe's. And then Christina had the great idea of getting hot dogs at Der Weinerschnitzel. I cannot recall the last time I ate at one, but this was a case of the right junk food at the right time. Very satisfying. Now for pain meds, ice pack, and maybe napping.

jeudi le vingt-six de janvier

Yes, I have been assiduously doing my DuoLingo French. My pronunciation is finally beginning to improve but is far off from acceptable. I found an app that would let me practice the alphabet but I have yet to get much use of it.

On Sunday, probably shortly after I began this, I was in bed piled with blankets and cats.

26 janvier

In the meantime, I will have to get back to that story. Debee came back on Monday to help out with me and Janet. I am reasonably mobile and can pretty easily take care of myself, but I do get tired. Some days, like today, I am in more pain and don't want to do much save sleep, read, and study French. Debee loves my mom more than I do and is quite patient with her. 

On Tuesday, we were trying to get Janet in the process of dressing and out to lunch when she started vomiting. The vomiting went on for the better part of an hour. Thank all goddesses that Debee was here. Being a mom and having been married to a pediatric oncologist, she is damn near a nurse herself.  At one point, Janet was on the point of choking on her vomit as she had gone to lie down. Debee was there, Johnny-on-the-spot, rubbing her back and cooing at her. 

We decided Janet needed to go to the ER. She will be 96 in a few days and you can't mess around with waiting at that age. Debee (mostly) and Patrick were able to get her into the car while I managed to dress myself. The ER was rockin' and full tilt crazy, even at noon on a Tuesday. They wouldn't even let her sit in the waiting room because of her nausea so we sat in the warm Cailfornia sun for at least an hour. Janet was very miserable. I am always uncomfortable with my healing knee but we bore it. 

They got her into a room with relative efficiency. Then began the waiting. I hate being in the hospital so this was a kind of agony. The ER rooms are not set up for the comfort of the accompanying adult. By about 7 they admitted her thinking it was a recurrence of the c. diff she had back in May. Debee and I went into a small cleaning and disinfecting frenzy should it be c. diff.  We drank a bit too much and watched Everything Everywhere All At Once. I was in a good deal of pain, due to having to sit up for so long in very uncomfortable conditions. Yesterday, we continued with the cleaning. 

Janet is getting sprung today. Debee went to get her as I have not been able to really manage the pain today. Nina and Vera are here on the bed with me, adding their support but it may be time for another oxy and some more ice. 

When Debee got to the hospital, Janet was, reportedly, very upset about a Christian having come it to proselytize to her. (I could take a moment of schadenfreude here as Janet was quite a bit of a proselytizer in her bliss ninny days.) We told them no religion. They must have been pretty insistent for her to be as upset as Debee had ever seen her. It is a Presbyterian hospital but it is the best hospital in the community, not that it is saying much.

29 janvier

I don't really have much heart for writing. If I don't keep at it and post, I feel as if I am failing myself.

Janet has been home for a few days and seems none the worse for the wear. I am trying to limit her coffee and chocolate intake; for the moment she seems to have evened out, not even coughing as much. She is not happy about these restrictions but I hope that she will get used to them.

The oxycodone exacerbates my depression, I think, so I am going off of it and trying to manage on Tylenol and ice. Whatever pain relief I get from it is not worth the nightly despair I feel. And I feel that anyway, even without an added downer. 

There has been talk among myself and my brothers about putting Janet in a nursing home. Although I do threaten her with that from time to time, I think it would vastly hasten her end. Plus, what becomes of me with no roof and little income? But it mostly makes me very sad, having been crying on and off for a few hours, that this is the solution to my our issues with her. One of my dear friends tells me to buck it, that it will be over, and indeed, it will but the interim is mighty painful.