UNCATCHES SOME REMOTE LOCK

 30 of #100daychallenge

I am feeling very ... emotional? labile? today. Getting out the door to get to class on time proved to be its usual tussle with Janet. I have enough trouble being on time, and I don't like to be late for teaching. When we were finally in the car, I was plenty irritated and not in a state I wanted to teach in. I told Janet we needed to be quiet so that I could focus on getting off of the Irritation Train. 

Duly firing up my iTunes library, a scene from Act III of Madame Butterfly came on. Janet loves opera, and this one in particular. I couldn't see the exact number but it must have been close to the climax; the music was superb. The soprano was Mirella Freni. The music, her voice, were so beautiful that I was moved to goosebumps and tears. I mentioned so to Janet. She was crying as well. We drove the rest of the way in actual companionable listening.

Class was interesting today. I have been working on their feet, so after their walking meditation, I had them take off their shoes and walk on the nice grass in Joseph's back yard. Some of them were somewhat balky about this strange direction, but they all complied. Naturally, Janet liked it the most. She was in her element. Joe has a brick fence that they stood against while I gave them some of our seated exercises in standing form. We did nothing that I could see as aerobic, but even raising their arms to their shoulders proved to be extremely taxing for some of them.

I left feeling very sad. Seeing the unnecessary deterioration of bodies and how far out of operational shape they had gotten. Two of my students are elderly widowers and I think the lack of spouse shows.

Still pondering what well of sadness was so disturbed. On the one hand, this is exactly why I wanted to get my credential and teach, on another hand it is scary to hope that I remain slow and sensitive enough to not push them. And it is so fascinating to see them coalesce as a group with me on the other side. I see the asides and jabs, faces and wisecracks they make among themselves. Janet sometimes forgets herself and gives instructions, which more amuses than annoys me. 

CHINESE FOOT CHART

Every part of us

alerts another part.

Press a spot in

the tender arch and

feel the scalp

twitch. We are no

match for ourselves

but our own release.

Each touch

uncatches some

remote lock. Look,

boats of mercy

embark from

our heart at the

oddest knock.

— Kay Ryan, The Best of It: New and Selected Poems, Grove Press, New York, 2010