CREEP DOWNSTREAM A LITTLE

 32 of #100 day challenge

"When parents die, the dream dies, too —the dream that they will see you for you really are (and, I suppose, the dream that they will be the parents you wish for)."

— Delia Ephron, Sister Mother Husband Dog

Interesting thought. I don't think that it applies to me. I think my mother has a pretty good idea of who I am, even if she doesn't always understand (or appreciate it). I am rather over dreaming my parents were ever going to be anyone but who they were, although I must admit I try to change Janet on a daily basis. On a good day, I can get her to modify her behavior a whit to being more on time, but that is as far as that goes.

Next Morning

Delia Ephron's book seems very childish to me, but I find myself using lots of book darts. There are aphorisms and some vaguely thought-provoking comments. Those sentences are more whimsy and day-dream provoking than actual thought. 

One, can't remember which but it could have been the total effect of spending my half-hour reading her book, made me wonder if "happy" and "sad" were actually opposites. First of all, I don't think "happy" is a Snow-White-singing-with-her-birds-state. It's more of a "I-slept-okay-even-if-I-did-dream-about-getting-sued-and-pursued-by-a-big-multi-national-corporation-and-wow!- thes-sun-is-shining" sense of beaming-with-apparent-normalness, more of a "I-think-I-can-get-through-this-day-without-limping-in-existential-pain state of mind. 

And sadness is not the "woe-is-me-can-I-still-force-myself-to-walk?" state of brooding into a misery spiral. You can be both at the same time. And that is kind of a nice state.

Next night.

The Delia Ephron book is currently hiding from me, so I won't be able to delve any further into its annoyances or interesting quips. I did get quite a lot of reading done was I waited for my doctor for almost an hour. Some possibly health concerns like a Vitamin D deficiency and early early early inklings of pre-diabetes which can likely be handled with a weight loss of ten or so pounds and some other dietary adjustments. I can do that.

All in all, a productive day. I had a nice lunch with my old friend, RV, to hand off the Richard Thompson memoir and catch up as it has been more than a year.

EXPECTATIONS

We expect rain

to animate this

creek: these rocks

to harbor gurgles,

these pebbles to

creep downstream

a little, those leaves

to circle in the

eddy, the stains

and gloss of wet.

The bed is ready

but no rain yet.

— Kay Ryan, The Best of It: New and Selected Poems, Grove Press, New York, 2010