WHEW.

The 2010 holiday season is over. I had my last, planned, slightly-holiday-related event this weekend. I don't have any more away or weekend plans until President's Day (hello, Adirondacks) ... I can hole up in my apartment on weekends! I can concentrate on those New Years' resolutions I haven't quite written down. I can think more creatively about finding actual serious work. I can attend to my mountain of ironing. Don't I sound excited? Motivated?

I'm not really. I'm circleskirting around depression, or at least bummed-out-ness. I could stumble or sink into that mire. I could buy that description of how I am feeling. I could just feel like a failure on the eating and drinking paths. I could feel like even more of a professional failure. The possibilities are danged near endless there.

I am a bit lost and out of my rhythm from the travel and the cold and the cold, dark winter, too. There is some significant illness and loss around me, too, although no one in my immediate family (blessings and gratitude for that).

I need to rest and generate some energy and life traction. I need to remember to feel accomplishment and satisfaction for what I did/do. (Another stellar evening of pizza making.) Prepare to go back to my reasonable eating and non-drinking. And not get anxious or panicked or negative when I lose myself.

On another note, while I was in California, Susannah B., told me a breathing exercise which has really helped me when I can remember to do it. Spend a few minutes making your breath equal, counts of four on inhale, hold, exhale, hold, and repeat. It is surprisingly helpful when I do it.

And always remember that cats are cute.