REGARDING THE PURSUIT OF LIFE

 23 of 100

June 14 redux

Notwithstanding having sat here for quite awhile, like hours, and notwithstanding the half-adderall I took, I am not making much progress on my class for tonight. Where does the time go? The hummingbirds are enjoying the Meyer lemon blossoms. It must be too hot for bird hunting as there is none of the usual scrub jay dive-bombing of cats as there often is. Fox has found me sitting at my desk and has hopes of finding a relaxing perch from which to nap as he likes to do of an afternoon. Little hope for him there as things are still precariously piled. Janet would insist that I move things to make room, but I won't. Idrisse has found a comfy place on the clean (not anymore) clothes. 

Ernesto has finally finished cleaning my car as he is finally washing the outside. I am trying to get done some tasks I have avoided or just not been able to focus on. Made an appointment for a mammogram. Have contractors coming out to give me bids for cleaning the gutters, patching the patio roof, repairing the mesh over the breezeway in the back. Debee will help with some gardening and trying to get a start on the garage and organizing for a September yard sale. Perhaps I will relax some and feel a sense of accomplishment. Right now, I just feel money worry. (Reggae helps.)

Idrisse went out and is now settling down on the printer. She often hangs nearby, unless, of course, it is night when she wants to be as or when Vera is nearby. Nothing like seeing a sprawled cat butt out of the corner of your eye on a quiet afternoon as the fans whirr.

June 15

"Years later I learned from Trungpa Rinpoche, another of my teachers, that we use speediness to maintain ego, to keep our hard shell intact."

— Diane diPrima, Recollections of My Life as A Woman: The New York Years, Viking, New York, 2001

I like her acknowledgements also:

"... my dharma teacher, who taught me that writing is a wonderful way to bring light and vastness into others' lives..."

The newly detailed Honda is beautiful and did not cost the millions of dollars I thought it would because the fellow was here for so long. So, that was a relief. Right now, I am waiting on the first of a few contractors as mentioned above.

It is the June gloom this morning, which is far preferable to the punishing heat and overbrightness to come. McCoy, who I am currently calling Johnny Stecchino after the Roberto Begnini film, has come to get some pets in window. Stecchino means toothpick in Italian and McCoy is toothpick skinny. As the shyest of the cats, he does not get very much petting so it was lovely to have a few moments with him. Vera, meanwhile, has come to sit in the window and watch the scrub jays.

In other news, I had 20 people attend my yoga class last night. Some of my newer students are more experienced practitioners, so I have to up my game and get going with my own practice to keep up with them. I admit to amazement. I would be hard pressed to describe my current occupation as 'yoga teacher' yet that is how I am earning some money after many years. Having 20 people move at your direction is an an unusual perspective. I was so tired, I feel asleep before 10 o'clock.

Later

The kitchen is partly cleaned up. Nina is in the Swimming Pool Garden/Jungle getting attacked by scrub jays. Janet is all ready to go the senior center, having had physical therapy this morning. I am trying to not be overwhelmed by the many things I should and could be doing. 

Later

In order to seduce myself into cleaning the kitchen floor, I set out a frozen lemon ice to soften and promised myself that I only had to wash half the floor at a time. I do not know why I hate mopping floors so much, but it likely goes along with my general distaste for the cleaning side of housekeeping. 

While I ate my lemon ice, I plunged back into The Fortune of the Rougons. Zola really knew how to write unsavory and disgusting characters. He can be rather amusing.

"In the closed, isolated town of Plassans, where class divisions were so clearly marked in 1848, the impact of distant political events was very slight. Even today the voice of the people is hardly heard there; the bourgeoisie shows its usual prudence, the nobility its silent despair, and the clergy its shrewd cunning."

"An old almond-dealer, Monsieur Isidore Granoux, was the leading member of this group. His terrible harelip, his round eyes, and his expression of smugness mingled with bewilderment made him look like a fat goose living in terror of the cook. He said very little, having no command of language; and he pricked up his ears only when someone accused the republicans of wanting to pillage the houses of the rich, whereupon he would colour up to such a degree that people were afraid that he was about to have a seizure, and would mutter low imprecations in which the words 'layabouts', 'scoundrels', 'thieves', and 'murderers' constantly recurred.

— Emile Zola, The Fortune of the Rougons, translated by Brian Nelson

The kitchen floor is now clean.

One of my dearest friends is dealing with the waning days of her mother's life. I asked how her mother was doing. "She expresses great joy to see me then swirls with confusion, with inquiry, regarding the  pursuit of life. I stroke her hair, kiss her a lot, and reassure her that the answers are inside her."