DIFFUSE AS HOPE

Public service announcements before we begin our program.

1) Jason Rosen, creator of the Monsterwood project I have been working on since time began, is running a Kickstarter to fund the illustration for our next volume. Please check it out and participate if it looks interesting to you. https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/518077727/monsterwood-book-2-awakening-a-fantasy-graphic-nov?ref=discovery

2) Let me know if any of you are tired of Kay Ryan. I will look for something else. I find her perspective a nice little shock of art and recognition.

3) No one is taking me up on a different name for Idris? No one liked Wynonie or Elvis better?

Thanks.

With only a minuscule amount of caffeine coursing through my body, I got a little closer to that epiphanic musing yesterday about being anti-tidy. There is some nasty level of denial and indecision interacting with the a low self image/not caring about oneself, therefore not caring about one's environment and a soupçon of fuckyou(myself)ism.

Later that day.

Well, whatever creativity and interesting thoughts I had are gone. It only takes a little bit of Janet being obstinate to break my heart again. I know. I should be tougher. I suggested that she watch This Is Us. She went through a litany of inane questions and obstinate (yes, again) about the purpose of the show. But she can watch hour upon hour of Shark Tank, Fixer-Upper, any Trump crap. It is as if she doesn't want to be engaged in anything.

Yes, I am dispirited.

HOPE

What's the use
of something
as unstable
and diffuse as hope —
the almost-twin
of making do,
the isotope
of going on:
what isn't in
the envelope
just before
it isn't:
the always tabled
righting of the present.

— Kay Ryan, The Best of It: New and Selected Poems, New York, Grove Press, 2010

Right down the street from these bananas, there was a thoroughly dead Chihuahua as calm as could be on a front lawn. I just don't see many deceased dogs. I thought about taking a picture, but someone was likely to be very sad so I decided to respect that. It was strange though. And across the street there was a lawn sign that said "Pray to End Abortion" and I thought yes, just do that, stay at home and pray and pray and pray until something.